How much reassurance do you need at work?

[Merryoldgoat]

One of my team (I’m her manager) is great at her job.

I tell her that I’m pleased with her work.

She was promoted about 8 months ago and got a 15% increase (big for our sector).

I thank her, let her know when her work has been well received, give her credit when due.

She has told me she doesn’t feel valued either professionally or monetarily.

I find her ‘a lot’ but personality is broadly irrelevant as I’m not looking for mates and she does good work.

Personally I don’t need a lot of praise or thanks. I know I’m valued, my manager thanks me when necessary and it’s very straightforward so he’d tell me if he had a problem. This suits me great.

I’m doing similar but it’s obviously not enough for my colleague.

Is this just a difference in personality or am I not doing enough? How do you want to be recognised for your good work?

I think looking for more money less than a year after a substantial promotion is a bit off tbh. But maybe I’m just easily pleased?!

Appreciate any viewpoints and happy to answer any questions.

I'd just ask her what you could do to make her feel more valued.
I'm not sure what she is getting at. I sometimes need reassurance from my manager that I'm making the right decisions. For her to say she doesn't feel valued sounds like she is very confident in her work rather than that she needs reassurance.

If you are doing what you say, then it sounds like she is very needy. She should probably recognise (in terms of the praise thing) that she is lucky - there are plenty of managers who won't ever praise her, and she will have to suck that up. Not my style, but I know quite a few like that. As for wanting more money, that is lovely. She is welcome to look for jobs with more money. That is not your problem.

She sounds very young. Is she?

Do you have regular 121s with her and monthly check ins? It’s possible she is feeling a lack of communication which she is expressing badly. If you are then I would be very clear and unambiguous about her expectations and what is realistic based on her recent salary uplift.

As her manager, you surely would be having a meeting with her about this?

How do you want to be recognised for your good work? - ask her why she feels undervalued and what you can do differently

Also even after a payrise she may feel like the work she does is still deserving of money increase. I think you need to talk to her really and find out why she feels undervalued and speak to her about why she feels like she is underpaid

Are other people in similar roles paid more than her? She sounds quite insecure. My manager works in a different building. I can't actually remember the last time I saw her in person... maybe about 3 or 4 weeks ago. I have worked for the same organisation for 12 years and have had one appraisal in that time. I asked for feedback a few months in to my first role here and was told if I wasn't getting disciplined I could assume I was doing ok! So, based on that, I'd say you are doing plenty! 😂😂

As pps have said, it would be worth asking her what she needs to feel more valued.

Monetarily, I suppose it depends on whether she was paid averagely or below or above for her role and the sector beforehand as to whether a 15% increase is a big deal or not; and upon how qualified and skilled she is. If she’s been looking around and realising that salaries are higher elsewhere for people of her grade then that, combined with not receiving a lot of verbal affirmation that she’s appreciated and the company values her, is going to drive how she feels.

As others have said, if she’s communicating that she doesn’t feel valued then you need to ask her what “valued” feels like to her and how she thinks things could be done differently. If she’s ostensibly considered good enough to be worth a 15% raise / a promotion then presumably the company trusts her experience and judgement and would also respect and encourage her feedback around e.g. different ways of working, or e.g. ways to bring more junior employees on board with projects and initiatives in their early stages so they can contribute and help shape what they’ll be working on and gain respect and validation through that. I gain a lot of my sense of value at work through that: knowing management values my contribution, experience, and knowledge enough to want to ask me to directly to help inform how decisions are made, and to take ownership of things.

Thank you. I’ll answer what I can.

We do have monthly one to ones. When I ask her how she’d like to feel more valued she can’t answer. She kind of evades and then moves on to something else.

Shes not young, she’s older than me and I’m late 40s. She has more quals than me on paper, but she has been out of work at this level for a long time owing to family so some of her knowledge is out of date. I’m extremely experienced and I’m not intimated by her being more qualified - she’s an asset to the organisation but I wonder if she feels she could do a better job than me. She might be able to, but them’s the breaks!

She’s the only person who does the role and is relatively highly paid in terms of the organisation.

She could get paid more elsewhere but she’d not have the flexibility we give her. And it’s not because we underpay. It’s about complexity if the role.

Eg a payroll person could earn 30k to 100k+ depending on the organisation. Our role has none of the complexity a large one would so she’d need to move for more money (excepting our annual increase).

She talks about working more hours BUT there is neither a need nor expectation that she does - she seems to like to but we are genuinely not a place you’re expected to slog your guts out. I allow my team to operate an informal flexi time and they can take toil etc if they work additional at busy times.

If they work substantial additional hours I would pay them for it.

Ah I have someone on my team who hadn’t worked for a long number of years.
She is good but seems to have expectations of how the organisation should function that are pretty outmoded. These days it feels a bit more transactional.
I would start glossing over it and if she mentions feeling under appreciated or under paid, just nod and go I am sorry you feel that way. As you know annual budgets and pay rises are determined in June, we have discussed feeling undervalued before but you had no concrete examples of what we could change about that” and say this every month until she gets the hint. If she doesn’t then “Maybe this organisation isn’t a good fit for you. We would of course be sorry to lose you, but maybe a different atmosphere would suit you better. “

It sounds a bit like she is being unrealistic in her expectations, wanting her cake and eating it. I think it may be better to seperate out the two issues. If she wants to be recognised professionally, then she needs to state in what way that is not being done, and perhaps you need to be explicit in what you are doing too. Recorded as part of formal feedback, not just a chat. So "This is what I do to recognise your contribution to the organisation / work...(bullet pointed list), In what way does this not meet your expectations and what would you like me to do differently?" Then that entire thing gets formally recorded - if she has nothing to say then that is what you record!

The monetary side of it, I would simply go with "I'm sorry you feel like that, but the pay for the role is commensurate with the entire package and the level within the organisation. We'd be very sorry to lose you but if you must look elsewhere that is a personal decision for you to make. I do not control what you are paid, but I think the package you have, including the flexibilities you enjoy, is fair." Then that is not discussed again - if she raises it, you simply say there is no change to that situation.

@rookiemere @PhilippaGeorgiou

Those are both very helpful. Thank you.

She does want to get involved in everything and whilst there are things about that which are great, some aren’t and I just want to say ‘that doesn’t work here’ and I’ll find a way to do that.

@PhilippaGeorgiou

The monetary side of it, I would simply go with "I'm sorry you feel like that, but the pay for the role is commensurate with the entire package and the level within the organisation. We'd be very sorry to lose you but if you must look elsewhere that is a personal decision for you to make. I do not control what you are paid, but I think the package you have, including the flexibilities you enjoy, is fair." Then that is not discussed again - if she raises it, you simply say there is no change to that situation.

This is so spot on and I appreciate it.

I’m low maintenance but confident I do a good job and leave work at work for the most part therefore I want to handle this properly.

I may be wrong about the context, but if she has been out of the workforce for some time and also was private sector, she literally may not understand how pay often works these days. Lacksadaisical salaries based purely on negotiation still happen (especially at the higher end of businesses) but increasingly even large companies have pay scales of some sort and are less "flexible". That is a protection for them - they then don't end up with pay discrimination claims because they can justify decision making based on transparent rules.

Ref. Salary - the recent payrise in itself is irrelevant, especially if she sees similar jobs advertised for more. Your HR can run Radford benchmarking and advise you if she is below industry average for her role and level. Her emotional need for recognition may be connected to how she feels about her remuneration.

@CeRaVie

Her pay is above sector average for the role.

In an organisation like ours, we don’t need a lot of the complexities that she’d have trained in.

It’s like, say she was a FD and qualified accountant before her career break, she came to us to do financial admin to get back into the workplace. She’s been promoted to junior accountant. She wants to be paid commensurate with her skills, but the role doesn’t need it.

She could absolutely earn more elsewhere but her role would be different, more responsible, and not the kind of role we have need of.

For the actual role she does the salary is right.

A slightly clunky analogy but hopefully it makes sense.

@CeRaVie also forgot to say we have benchmarking for all roles annually in the sector.

Confusing.

It sounds like she wants to earn more money and take on more hours but your company cannot physically offer her that.

You have one to one meetings and she can’t put her finger on why she feels undervalued.

Am I harsh in saying it sounds like instead of putting herself out there and finding another job that pays what she wants (albeit less flexible and more workload) she can’t be bothered so is constantly expecting her existing job and company to change.

She wants the flexibility of hours but wants the pay of someone in another job… not possible!

I have a team member like this. Always complaining, but when you break it down with them there’s nothing they want me or the business to do differently/doesn’t even know why they feel the way they do. It’s personality driven and is exhausting.

I’d start by increasing 121’s to every other week. 12 times a year is not enough for someone who needs validation. As for salary - you’ve benchmarked it against industry, factoring in benefits (eg flexibility) and she’s at the right amount for the role in your business. She’s welcome to look elsewhere if she wants to be paid more.

Id tell her to stop saying that she feels undervalued if she can't say why, or what could be done.
That's just moaning and fucking boring.

@Imrighthere

Am I harsh in saying it sounds like instead of putting herself out there and finding another job that pays what she wants (albeit less flexible and more workload) she can’t be bothered so is constantly expecting her existing job and company to change.

Well this is it in a nutshell and your succinct précis has really helped me in my plan to move forward along with other posts here.

We’ve had similar with receptionists recently - we are honest about the role, give a good JD and say that whilst there will be other responsibilities we need a receptionist above all. Invariably they start and 6 month’s later they want ‘more’.

You’re my kind of person 🤣

@xhines

We are supposed to have them every two weeks but that’s slipped for a variety of reasons and I will get back on it. I think this is probably key as well.

We are office based and work together though so I’m not a virtual presence and we see each other 3 days a week (she’s 4 days and I’m 4 days)

I don’t think you would be unreasonable on your next 1 to 1 when she moans again to remind her that this is the job role, she is on the highest pay for it and there are no extra hours. If anything changes you will be the first to tell her, but for the foreseeable this is how it is. She is valued and good at her job but you are unsure how to help her with feeling appreciated if she is unable to pinpoint why she is feeling undervalued.

I think it is a her issue, she wants more than what you can offer her. She has 2 choices which are to stay put and accept this is her job and it isn’t changing or to find another job