To be pissed off

[Sadmummy3]

Am I being unreasonable to be so so pissed off with MIL? I don't think I am but not sure how to handle situation.
DS is 5 tomorrow. He has severe additional needs and hates things out of routine including birthday parties and presents.
DH and I have brought him a climbing frame with slide which we will put up in the garden tonight so he can use it tomorrow. I have also got him some clothes which I have just put in a gift bag as he'll have no interest in unwrapping anything. MIL has just told me the presents she has got him (6 in total which is OTT anyway) and wrapped them all up and wants to come round to watch him open them.
I said to her a couple of weeks ago to get him some trainers if she wanted but not bother to wrap them but obviously she ignored me and didn't even get the one thing I asked for
I told her again he will not unwrap the presents, he doesn't understand. MIL said oh I expect he's outgrown that silly phase by now!!!😡 She then asked when we were having a party I said we weren't but she was welcome to pop in for tea and cake. She launches in to how mean this is, how selfish and tight fisted I am why don't I want to celebrate. She went on and on. In the end I told her to call DH and discuss with him.
Now DH has suggested a small family party to keep everyone happy. The only person who it is keeping happy is his mum. I said no because DS won't enjoy it.
Am I being unreasonable to keep his birthday super low key and to be pissed off that MIL is trying to pressure me to do something I know DS won't enjoy? I am also pissed off with DH although tbf he did ring his mum back and say we'd decided no party but why couldn't he just say that in the first place as we'd already discussed it.

I think OP sounds very hard work. MIL is child's GP, of course she wants to buy him presents and wrap them. Give the lady a break

A grandparent should want their grandchild to be happy and comfortable.

No child shouldn't be made to feel uncomfortable to appease an adult.

Op isn't hard work, she's advocating for her child.

I’d personally be fuming and tell her what I thought.

Oh look OP your mil has found your thread.

How does he react?
can you leave them all to it - meet a friend for coffee and let them get on with the party they want? Say you have a really bad headache and are going to lie down?

Even though it will cause him distress?

Want does not get does it. And as a grandparent, much like being a parent, you realise that the priority is the child and their way of enjoyment of their birthday. Unless poor, hard done by grandma is also going to step up when her grandchild gets overstimulated by presents and the whole social expectations of birthday etiquette, has a meltdown and takes hours/possibly days to regulate again? Or will she just flounce out the door and leave the parents and her grandson to deal with the aftermath?

When she was going on about how mean it was not to have a party, didn't you say to her "you were at dd's party, you saw how hard that was for him. He hated it. Why would I do that to him on his birthday?"

If she really did call you tight-fisted, how did you possibly let that slide? Didn't you push back with the real reasons for no party and how it wasn't a money saving exercise? A climbing frame doesn't sound cheap. That part doesn't ring true.

So op should let them distress her child, but just bugger off and pretend it's not happening?

I completely get it as my son’s similar. Your mil is pushing boundaries and thinks she knows better. I’d be annoyed as your dh as he’s basically making you the bad guy.

That is what she said. Because I wouldn't pay out for a party on top of his present. Tbf she probably doesn't know how much it cost us to get the frame.
I don't care what she says about me as long as she doesn't upset my children.