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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a 5th baby

20 replies

immyo · 16/06/2025 09:55

I have 3 young children at home and also one very much older from a previous marriage but has moved out now.

We have a 9yo a 7yo and an 8 month old at home now and despite being in my 40s and husband having a vasectomy after our last I am now pregnant again.

I had an abortion once before and I bled so heavily I ended up losing consciousness and having a blood transfusion so I’m not sure that’s a risk I want to take and I do have a big age gap between the older two and younger one so it might be nice for the younger one to have a sibling closer in age.
We can afford it but it’s just the fact I’d have 5 children even if only 4 still at home.
AIBU to think this is feasible? Husband is happy. What is life like with a big family?

OP posts:
didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 16/06/2025 09:57

Is your husband the father?

Witchling · 16/06/2025 09:57

Do you want another child? Then go for it.

If you don't, don't.

Original poster
immyo · 16/06/2025 09:59

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 16/06/2025 09:57

Is your husband the father?

Yes definitely

OP posts:
Imrighthere · 16/06/2025 10:00

Well nothing in your post makes me think either of you want an abortion.

You have listed reasons why you don’t want an abortion, said your husbands happy, you can afford it, you said you want the age gap for your younger sibling

dontcomeatme · 16/06/2025 10:02

Agree with pp, can't see a reason why not

AutumnalPuffin · 16/06/2025 10:03

Yes, it appears you want the baby and it’s feasible for you to give it a good quality of life so I see no issue with having five children at all.

blackbirdevensong · 16/06/2025 10:03

I'd recommend you have the baby. There's nothing wrong with a large age gap; I know lots of people who have had 6+ years age gaps and they're so close.

TheYouYouAre · 16/06/2025 10:04

In your situation, if affordability isn't an issue, I probably would. I have four, and I'd say the main challenges are making sure everyone has enough individual time and attention, and because we waited a while before deciding we definitely wanted four, the gap between the younger two is five years, and 12 years between oldest and youngest - there are not many activities that suit teenagers, tweens, and younger children / toddlers.

legoplaybook · 16/06/2025 10:05

If you're well off and have the time and space then why not.

Comedycook · 16/06/2025 10:05

It's my worst nightmare to be frank op....but you're not me...you sound pretty chilled out about it and you have a big family already so go for it!

KimberleyClark · 16/06/2025 10:05

Was your DH tested after three months after the vasectomy? If he was and he was sterile then, his vasectomy may have reversed itself spontaneously. It happens.

Rainbow1235 · 16/06/2025 10:06

I have 6 all grown up now . Oldest 35 and youngest 24 . They all had plenty of love and attention and are all doin well in life . I wish u well

Original poster
immyo · 16/06/2025 10:13

KimberleyClark · 16/06/2025 10:05

Was your DH tested after three months after the vasectomy? If he was and he was sterile then, his vasectomy may have reversed itself spontaneously. It happens.

Edited

Yes he sent it back and got the all clear so this must be what’s happened.
I’ve only know a couple of hours so I’m trying to get my head around everything.

OP posts:
heidyho · 16/06/2025 10:16

Sorry you're in this predicament OP. I've heard of vasectomies not working. How old are you? I only ask because I'm early 40s with 4 and I don't think I'd have the energy to start again. But everyone is different! And you sound happy & content to have another so why not?

Original poster
immyo · 16/06/2025 10:23

heidyho · 16/06/2025 10:16

Sorry you're in this predicament OP. I've heard of vasectomies not working. How old are you? I only ask because I'm early 40s with 4 and I don't think I'd have the energy to start again. But everyone is different! And you sound happy & content to have another so why not?

I’m 41. I’ll be 42 if we have this one.
I knew it wasn’t 100% as nothing is but nobody thinks they’ll be the 1% especially when it took years of trying and monitoring ovulation to have our youngest.

OP posts:
Icecreamhelps · 16/06/2025 10:25

Rainbow1235 · 16/06/2025 10:06

I have 6 all grown up now . Oldest 35 and youngest 24 . They all had plenty of love and attention and are all doin well in life . I wish u well

I have four eldest 34 youngest 19. They are all so close, they speak to each other everyday. In fact the eldest and youngest work together.

sesquipedalian · 16/06/2025 10:27

OP, the biggest difference having more children makes is fitting them all in a car. Other than that, go for it. I had five children - they are all grown up now. My last two were twins. If your 8 month old had been twins, would you have been bothered? In your position, I’d be pleased to have two younger ones rather than just one very much younger one.

heidyho · 16/06/2025 10:33

immyo · 16/06/2025 10:23

I’m 41. I’ll be 42 if we have this one.
I knew it wasn’t 100% as nothing is but nobody thinks they’ll be the 1% especially when it took years of trying and monitoring ovulation to have our youngest.

Show quote history

Oh absolutely, you never think you will be that 1%. You are obviously both very fertile!! You may need to double up on contraception after this!! I do think it would be really nice for your youngest to have a partner in crime 😁

Shenmen · 16/06/2025 10:37

I didn't realise vasectomies can sometimes fail years after the event. But a quick Google shows that it can. Definitely going to keep husband using condoms now!
We have 4, emotionally I would struggle having any more tbh. As they get older the work and stress changes. It's a lot to think about. It's also very expensive having teens / kids at uni. We were financially ok when they were young then some circumstances beyond our control changed that and it's much harder to muddle on through with teens than young kids.
Physically it's been tough as well as my last pregnancy I was older and it wiped me out.

mickandrorty · 16/06/2025 11:06

I have 5 ranging from 20-7 I'm so tired all the time! There's so much to do all the time between washing, cooking what feels like 10000 meals a week, the endless non uniform days, events at school, clubs, shopping for clothes they grow out of every other week and food shopping that looks like it could feed a small country. I haven't had a night alone with my husband in 10 years! The last one nearly killed me when I was giving birth and they are an absolute horror now. But I wouldn't change it!

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