Should l have a word?

[notanothersummercold]

Got a friend who has a lot of time on her hands - our kids are the same age, in secondary school (different schools)but she is so overinvested in my life l am finding it suffocating.

She messages me every night to see if l have had a nice day and asks what am l doing the following day? If l tell her (which l don't always), then l get a message really early saying have a nice day doing xyz, if l am working, she'll message have a nice day at work (followed by a message that eve to ask how work was) and if l don't tell her what l am doing, she'll still message to say have a nice day and the next time l see her, she'll ask what l did so no getting away without telling her. Can't avoid seeing her because our kids do a club together several times a week.
If l happen to mention l've been out for dinner, wants to know everything l had to eat. It's relentless. Can't do anything without a million questions.
I find it so intrusive and none of my other friends are like this cos they all have busy lives. If it wasn't every day it might be better - l think she is lonely and bored but doesn't get l don't want ro share every single detail of my life.

Do l try and say something or just put up with it? If so, how can l say it kindly?

Yes tell her - just say I’m finding this too much. Hopefully she’ll ease off and if not you might have to spell it out for her more.

Someone has told.her that you make friends by asking questions and showing an interest in someone's life! 😁

I think I'd try consistently ignoring the banal messages and only reply to the ones that are actually necessary/useful in the first instance.

Meanwhile, judging by frequent threads on here, she’s getting cross and/sad because ‘I’m the one putting in all the effort’ and ‘showing an interest in my friend’s life’ and ‘it feels one-sided because ‘she never asks me questions about myself’. It never seems to occur to these posters that not only is the ‘effort’ not needed, it’s not wanted. Does she do this to other people, or are you the only recipient?

OP, you have the choice between saying something or to just respond less and later and see if that works.

You are spot on - she probably does feel like that but l never get chance to message her first lol!
She doesn't have many friends and l think l am starting to realise why - too needy - we have another mutual friend and l think she is similar with her but hard to say as l don't want to start bitching about her.
Honestly sometimes it feels like l am in a relationship with her cos she knows every thing about my day, more than my hisband sometimes!

This is a good start thank you x

Whatever l say she will take massive offence but l can't keep putting up with this x

Well, start by only responding to some texts, gradually increasing the time taken, and give less information? I mean, surely if it regularly took you a full day to respond ‘Oh, nothing much’ to a text asking what you were up to next day, she’d get the message? Or if you don’t reply, and she asks the next time you see one another, you say ‘Gosh, I can’t think — it’s been a whirl’ and change the subject? Talk in repressive detail about other subjects? The Trump administration? Electoral reform? Corruption in Mongolia?

Love this!
If l say nothing much the day before, she will suggest we meet up so sometimes l am better off saying something l am doing!

She can only take what you give her... so stop giving!
"I was busy... just boring stuff.. the usual... same old same old..."
Lots of phrases to close down the conversation .. on repeat.
You do not owe her information.
If she takes offence that is her choice.
Do not reply to messages and questions until/unless you want to.