Money

[Alea34]

Would you pay money to an adult child that just finished uni and wants to stay longer in his student accommodation?
They came home for family commitments and claimed that eat their saving.
I am of the opinion that they should have been already moved back at home so not my expense.
It is more a principle, no more money from parents, I am quite upset for being asked. However I might damage our relationship as a result. Is it time for tough love or should I let it slide?

What family commitments where they OP? Why do they want to stay longer in accommodation? Do they not have a part time job?

Up to you, isn't it? It's not a global principle that everyone will feel the same about. You can have any principles that you want to. But your child can interpret it any way they want to.

If they came home for something that mattered to you (random cousin's wedding) and now they want to stay in their student house to enjoy that final couple of weeks with their mates, I'd suck that one up.

No I wouldn't pay to support them to continue living in student accommodation when they are no longer a student.

Does he/she have a job?

Thank you. It is for something that mattered more to me than to them.

Is it a few more weeks so they can wrap up all the uni stuff and go to some leavers parties or are we talking months on end? Are there job opportunities if they move home? Are they actively looking for work? Can you afford to pay for them?

All of these questions! A few weeks to enjoy the end of student life, sure. Months on end wanting to not get a job and mooch about at parties, not a chance.

It is not a lot of money, but I am disagreeing with how they spend their time there(bonding with someone that is a bad influence). There are jobs at home but they need rest before actively looking, either way money won’t last more than a few weeks now, so I will pay just to avoid bad feelings later.

They need a rest? From what? Have they been juggling uni, child care & part time work? If all they've done is uni, they need a big dose of real life & I wouldn't be giving them money.

Under these circumstances I would pay since it sounds like your rationale for not paying is slightly personal. I think now your child is an adult you might need to let go of trying to control who they are spending time. I would however not be encouraging a “period of rest” before job hunting as all the savvy graduates will be straight out there snapping up the best opportunities. Let’s face it, students get plenty of “rest” at uni!!

No i wouldnt pay, if they want to stay then they get a job and support themselves. No reason for them to be there if theyve finished uni.

A rest from what why do I feel like in 6 months time you will be posting my adult child plays on the Xbox all day and won't get a job should I keep supporting him

The period just after University is a tricky one. Your child needs to understand that any decision they make they need to have funding in place to do it. Like adults have to.

So, stay at in student accommodation. Fine, how do you intend to pay for it?

Have some down time before job hunting, fine how will you pay for that?

Your child is now an adult. Time to be treated as one! This of course cuts both ways. You no longer get to choose what they do, where they live and who they see if they are funding it for themselves. If you use financing their lives as a way of controlling these decisions , that’s also unhealthy.

Time for a new adult to adult relationship.

My DD asked to stay on in student flat for a few months after graduation and we were happy to fund that
she then travelled for a bit then got a grad job
So all fine
We had fully funded her for 4 years,so another few months didn’t really matter, and it made her happy

I have been funding dd
but part of that is because she has a strong work ethic and manages her money well and isn’t grabby or jealous - so I feel she has learnt how to manage her money

• is your student working over these holidays ?

Then you are being petty and mean. It doesn’t matter if they stay for the last few weeks of their student let. It’s the last of the carefree days before real life and work. Let them have it.