To be quite tired of people rubbing it in how much better their kids are than mine

[WantToLiveOnRakiura]

My son has autism and ADHD, and was concussed a few months ago. He has in the past been identified as academically and musically gifted, but since the concussion he's only had flashes of his old self, and mostly struggles academically. Music is much better than academics. Music is the part that really matters to him.

The families he used to mix with musically have all spent a lot of time, since the concussion happened, rubbing it in that their little darlings are "just" gifted, i.e. none of this 2E stuff, and certainly none of this memory/ visual/ executive impairment stuff post concussion.

Well, great for their kids. I am responding to their comments with things like "Well, isn't it marvellous that your kids are outperforming everyone else in [big city full of musical kids and pushy parents]! Go them!"

And then I don't talk any more, and I feel sad that my son is now unlikely to ever catch up to these people who used to be sort-of friends through his absolute favourite activity.

That is incredibly crass and rude of them. Thank God you and your son don't fall prey to indulging in such poor behaviour?

My daughter got a concussion aged twelve. To the point where she briefly lost the use of her legs. (She's also G&T, and later we found out, also likely autistic). It would have saved us, but most importantly her, a world of pain, if we had treated the next year as recovery time, doing absolutely no schoolwork outside the bare minimum, and just being so much more gentle and understanding, rather than expecting her to bounce back, and life to go on as normal.

I blame a lot of her mental health issues on that, and kick myself fervently and hard, very often!

Best wishes to your son for a full recovery. Thank God he is the wonderful person he is!

When DS had a concussion he was diagnosed with post concussion syndrome ( basically the concussion symptoms lasted months). His personality completely changed. It was really scary. It took over 6 months to get back to normal.
His schoolwork and sporting performance really suffered during that time. Having that diagnosis really helped. It meant that when someone commented that ds performance was slipping I could easily explain why and defend him in a rational way. Other parents were less likely to gloat when he got poorer scores than their children as they knew he had an ongoing medical condition. It also stopped me being quite so terrified as I understood what was happening and why.
Hopefully your ds will get back to his old self soon.

Bloody hell.
That sounds dreadful.
My son vommitted repeatedly during the night and was carefully watched.
We have quite a few close doctor/surgeon friends who never mentioned anything like you describe.
We were advised to keep him away from contact sports for the summer.
Your poor daughter and poor you.
I don't know how you could have known if you weren't advised by the medical team.

I watched our son carefully for years as changes in personality are a possibility.
My neighbour fell from his horse and was very seriously concussed decades ago.
He came out of hospital with a different, super confident personality, which was in complete contrast to his previously very quiet gentle nature.
Quite extraordinary to witness.

That’s awful. For most nice normal parents I’ve know over the years, it’s etiquette to be very humble about your kids when discussing them in company, critical even. In your situation, I’d be especially sensitive.