To ask for advice on how best to help DS17

[ArtfulGoldWriter]

DS 17 is really struggling socially- he has friends in college but doesn’t seem to be able to make that translate into a social life out of college. He’s trying so hard - texts people to ask if they want to hang out but often doesn’t get a response - he says it’s because people are in existing groups from school so it’s hard to break into that.

Hes had a really rough time- his best friend tragically died of cancer a year ago and he’s struggled. He’s such a lovely kid- really supported his friend when he was ill but now he feels lonely and a bit isolated.

we are trying to help him get a part time job or volunteer somewhere and he wants to go to uni but have a year out- he has another year left of college. He’s quite shy so want to build his confidence but the knock backs aren’t helping. I have thought about some CBT to help him build confidence.

Anyone got any ideas- we are at a bit of a loss- like I say, he has got friends in college - he just wants a social life and it’s making him sad.

Does he need to move away for uni? Is there one he can commute to? You say you live in a uni town so why not pick that one?

Or look at apprenticeships?

He needs a job or hobbies to help meet people.

Has he had bereavement counseling since the death of his friend?

My DS is 18, he hardly goes out. Many dont these days. DS works though so has friends there

my DS17 is the same. Happy on his college days where he gets interaction with peers, lonely for the 3 days a week he’s not at college and spends pretty much the whole time in his bedroom. I’m searching for PT jobs for him just to get him out of the house but not getting anywhere. He doesn’t do sport, and all my suggestions about starting something (like the gym) get shot down.

Sorry, I know it’s already been disregarded but I would be encouraging him to go to uni. You’ve already tried the other routes to ease the loneliness (jobs etc) and it’s not working. I have two nephews his age looking for work and they are having no luck at all. I think he risks a whole year of hanging around the house, seeing his peers having fun and moving on with their lives, compounding the issue. Hope it works out

My 16 year old daughter is the same. She’s starting A-levels at college in September so we’re hoping she finds some friends there. I really hope things work out for your boy. It’s hard seeing them lonely isn’t it.

It hurts my heart reading about all these dc being lonely. I think as they can communicate online they seem far less inclined to meet up with people in real life. Also seems to be a lack of jobs for them, I’ve been trying to help get my 2 teenage ds a job for months but getting nowhere.

Hes going to an open day at our
local uni soon - I think he wants to move away though and try to have a full uni experience in a new place! He feels like he needs a fresh start I think!

I think we will encourage some overseas volunteering or something if he has a year out and as many experiences as possible- maybe working at festivals as he loves music etc!

How about something a bit left field like scuba diving or Morris Dancing*?
Both clubs are very welcoming and friendly. Probably not be others his age there but both groups are very sociable and go out a lot. And getting out widens the people you encounter and gives you something to talk about with your peers. Good for confidence.
*a bit niche I know but had to mention.

@ArtfulGoldWriter- you could also tell him to join student forums (it was student room.com in my day) - meet other students who’ll be studying his subject and taking a year out. He might be inspired by what some of them are doing in their gap years or even make a few mates (following safety advice obvs)

Volunteering at festivals sounds great fun. There's a purpose, but a good chance to meet all sorts of people.