Am I a CF regarding friends perfume?

[Frogsdinners]

Went to friend’s house for the weekend to help her clear for a house move. We are close and speak regularly but live far apart so only see each other every couple of months. I took a little overnight bag with me.

Anyway, was helping friend clear her bedroom when found a large box of perfumes under her bed. Must’ve been about 100/150 in there. Some unopened, some half used. Friend admits she went through a stage where she was buying loads of perfume and tells me that they’re never used by her and if I wanted I could take as many as I wanted as she needs them clearing/ they’re collecting dust.

So I shift through them, smell a couple, choose two that might be nice for everyday and for work and pop them in my overnight bag. No issues. They weren’t expensive or designer brand ones. One next, the other victoria secret.

Continue the weekend with friend but today I’ve gone to unpack my bag and the perfumes are gone. My bag was in her hall which means she’s gone through my bag and taken them out. I’m just so confused and now feel like a thief and a CF even though she said I could “take what I wanted”. She never mentioned it to me and hasn’t since but I definitely popped them in my bag.

i wanted to message her as she lives with her parents currently (30, just bought first house) and I’m overthinking they’ll be talking about me but that’s just me being paranoid I guess. It can’t have been her parents who removed them as they aren’t there atm.

DP says I should just do nothing but it’s left me feeling weird.

Did you show her / tell her which ones you wanted.

As she lives at home, you can't accuse her as it could actually have been anyone else in the home.

So yes - do and say nothing.

My first thought was that your friend was a kleptomaniac. Now the perfumes have gone missing again 🤔

I would message her saying " Hi Jill just wondering if I left behind those perfumes you gave me? I could have sworn I put them in my bag but I can't find them?"

I mean it's not normal to have so many bottles of unused perfume in the first place.
And certainly not to sneak them back out of your bag.

Do you think she might have some type of hoarding problem???
In your shoes I'd be worried about her.

She's obviously got hoarding instincts with perfume - I'd just mention it briefly to her. She shouldn't be going through your bag!

Me too.

Did she definitely say 'take' what you wanted or might it have been use what you want? As in, you were fine to have a few squirts but not to take the whole thing? Might be a misunderstanding but more likely she has some issues and better to let it go. Very much doubt they're talking about you. More likely she never wants it mentioned. It's her whose got the weird perfume thing going on, not you.

I think she has a bit of a problem. Possibly a shopping addiction. She thought she was okay with offering them to you because that’s in the past. But it all got too much and she took them back. I wouldn’t mention it, but it’s weird and worrying on her part.

I’d have to ask!

She may have a strange obsession with taking perfume.

Me three

Completely agree.
Very odd and not surprised you're feeling strange about it

Perfect message.

This nails it. Just ask.

I would go with…

Did you change your mind about the perfumes? Someone took them out of my bag.

Can you check what the Victoria Secret one is called? Love it so I’m going to buy it for myself

I think I’ll ask! Felt awkward but need to be straight forward. Nobody else was home at hers this weekend so it was definitely her! Bizarre! Could understand if they were expensive ones and she thought oooh not those, but they weren’t haha.

Definitely a shopping addiction in the past. Lots of things on credit cards and klarna so it could be she doesn’t actually want to part with them but she could’ve just said

I think you need to ask.
Very poor form to riffle through your bag.
I wouldn't be happy with this at all.

I think ask. I’d be more pissed off that she had gone through my stuff without asking though.

Yes the rummaging in your bag without asking would annoy me most. I even hate it if my husband or kids do it - if you want something just fucking ask me!

It does sound like she said take what you want and then had a surge of regret and wanted to re-complete her hoard. 150 unopened perfumes, does sounds like she had a problem. I would ask her too, the wording a PP suggested is good. When she fesses up say it's fine for her to change her mind but NOT to go through your personal things.

Not really the point but they don't keep well forever so if she isn't going to use them or resell them she might as well give them away!

Text her.
You said I could have what I wanted then went through my bag and took them back? That's not OK. If you didn't want to give them to me you shouldn't have said I could have them. It's out of order to go through my bag.

Let her know you're annoyed.

Why can’t you be assertive? You were helping her have a clear out.

’Hi Deborah, why did you take back the perfumes you said I could help myself to? I only took two from the whole box!’

Why not mess as much with her head as she did to you?
Message her and thank her for the perfumes.. Tell her you have had many nice compliments about them.