Have I ruined it?

[okayok]

DH’s first Fathers Day today and I feel crap and like I’ve ruined it. We have a poorly baby and we attempted to go out for dinner which was probably a step too far. We had a grizzly screaming baby in the car on the way back. I had spent a long time trying to settle them in the restaurant and didn’t have much left in me for the car journey back, and nothing was helping, so I stopped shhing and just played a nursery rhyme on my phone. DH was joining in with singing to the nursery rhyme and made what I took to be a dig at me for just sitting there in silence and I lost it with him telling him I deal with it all day and feel at my limit. It wasn’t his fault and I didn’t insult him but I just had a rant about being stressed and tired. I have only had about 4 hours broken sleep the last few nights because of my little one being under the weather and I think I’m now getting it too. I know that doesn’t justify snapping/ranting at him though.

We’re home now and baby only wants me and there’s household chores to do so poor DH is going to end up doing them as well.

It’s approaching 4pm and I just feel terrible and as though I’ve spoiled the day when he really pulled out the stops for my Mother’s Day and made sure I didn’t lift a finger all day :(

Is there anything I can do to redeem it? I need some ideas. He’s taken himself upstairs and is just very quiet, I have apologised but not sure what more else I can do.

I think if you’ve apologised then it’s on him to get over it. It’s childish not to accept an apology, especially when you are clearly under pressure.

Taking a under-1-year old baby out for dinner is stressful at the best of times. You would have been better off arranging something at home where dealing with baby would have been easier and plans didn't have to run to someone else's timetable

I know, I feel silly we even tried. I just wanted to give him a nice Fathers Day and somehow it seems to have backfired to the extreme.

Thank you. I just wish there was anything else I could do for today to mark the occasion but it’s so late in the day now.

When you say you’ve had 4 hours sleep in the last few days, what does that look like? Because you have to share the lack of sleep. No wonder you snapped if you’re that sleep deprived.

Welcome to being a parent. Your dh needs to grow up if he is sulking. Why would you take a poorly baby out though….

Like 4-5 hours broken up on every night for 3 nights.

I thought it would be ok as baby was happy in self this morning and lots of smiles. It’s also day 5 of the cold, it all changed when we got there though

Can you take him a cup of tea and say you realise you over-reacted, but you are feeling a bit sleep deprived. You appreciate the effort he went to for mother's day and you are disappointed that today didn't work out as planned.

Suggest maybe sorting out a babysitter for next Sunday and having a re-run. But in the meantime you need more sleep so you need to work out between you how to achieve this.

It won’t be the last special day that goes sideways.

Give yourself some grace here and let it go. Make yourself and DH a beverage of your choice and put your feet up for a little bit and see if you can have a quiet afternoon/evening.

That's what parenthood is like in the early years. You have to be prepared for plans to go pear-shaped. Babies cry. Babies get sick. Childcare falls through. Parents get frazzled and snap at each other. It happens. You apologise to each other, you recognise the challenges - maybe look for solutions, maybe accept that there aren't any right then. You hug each other and keep going.

It gets better. Especially if you recognise each other's struggles.

All you can do is say sorry which you have done. Leave him alone until he gets over it,which he will. He just needs time .

He's had a good 6 months so he should be over it