To think other people really enjoy upsetting your day?

[DBD1975]

Why is it people are always so angry and think it is acceptable to remonstrate with others over what appears to be the most minor issues.
I am fed up with being shouted at, by strangers, for the most ridiculous things. My recent experiences include:

Giving way to someone on a narrow road, when driving, and when the male driver went past shouting at me to get over to my side of the road (I was over as far as I could get and on an embankment).

A woman shouting at me in a supermarket car park for parking too close to the rear of her vehicle (she could access the boot but not get her trolley in between the two vehicles)

Going into a petrol station to pay for petrol and on coming out being shouted at by a man in the vehicle behind to hurry up and get out of his way (I went in paid for petrol and came straight out)

A man furiously beeping at me and shouting to get out of the road when walking facing oncoming traffic on a public road without any footpath either side but in a residential area

Seriously wondering if it is just me or if others have similar experiences.
All of the above I found upsetting but with two of the incidents I was very shaken by the level of aggression shown by the men involved. Why do people think it is acceptable to behave in this way?

I am so sorry to hear this happened to your DD. What a horrible, dreadful upsetting experience. I have seen people act towards staff in shops in ways which are beyond unacceptable and when I have witnessed this I have intervened. So many shops now display signs saying they will not tolerate verbal abuse towards their staff, this shouldn't be necessary but sadly it is.
I hope your DD can talk to her manager about the experience and take advice on how to deal with difficult (vile) customers and what the store advises staff to do in such instances.
Some customers aren't worth having and I would hope the store would be supportive of staff in dealing assertively with such customers. Personally I would ban them from the store. Please give your DD a hug from me and tell her karma always finds people.
I wish you and your DD well x

I worked with someone in an office, and the only time he sounded cheerful was if he answered the phone, and said “you’ve just missed him”.

I had a checkout staff member rush my son through the till and start serving ghe person behind him before he had put his stuff in his trolley at home bargains recently. I was at the till next to him and didn't realise what was happening until I heard his keep apologising to the person behind him, I turned round to help him finish loading his trolley and inevitably grabbed the stuff belonging to the person who got served before my son had loaded his trolley. I was annoyed and as we walked to the car wished I'd bollocked the checkout staff for not letting my son vacate the till area before serving the next person. Then I remembered the checkout staff member is human and I wouldn't want to ruin their day and be the nasty customer who pissed them off

Thank you DBD1975, thankfully she had a better day yesterday.

Checkout operator risked getting a 'bollocking' whatever they did, by you for rushing your son or by the person behind for not seeing to them fast enough.

I realise you didn't 'bollock' them but it's interesting you feel you should have, that you have the power to do that and are right to feel that way, and only didn't because you thought the checkout operator is human and therefore will make mistakes. Maybe they didn't make a mistake, maybe they were reacting to pressure from the next customer who believes they have as much right to bollock them for not rushing your son as you do for rushing him. Both sets of people are customers and therefore both believe they're right and entitled to bollock a staff member for not doing it their way.

When interactions like this happen and there's staff involved, inevitably both lots of customers look towards those staff to fix the problem of the other person being slow, or being impatient and automatically expect that the staff should side with them.

And yes this is hypothetical for the situation you describe, I don't know if the other customer was happy to wait or not, but with my experience in customer service it happens a lot more than it should. I've used it to highlight how people will project their frustration onto someone else, and more so when they see them as being the fall guy in the situation, as staff very often are.

OP, I sympathise and I'd say that very rarely is this anything to do with you. It's about the other person. Here are some personal experiences which I hope will reassure you that this kind of thing happens to most people at some point:

I was behind a friend's car in a notorious single-track road one evening after school. We both had our primary aged children in the car and I had my window open, so could hear what was going on. A van with 3 oiks men in the front wouldn't budge (when it was clearly the right thing to do) and my friend who was alongside their window politely asked them to move. The abuse (misogynistic, sexual, crude) was appalling. They shouted that she was an f'ing dog, a fucking ugly bitch, cunt etc etc. and finally spat on her before speeding off, scratching her car and nearly hitting mine. Her poor 8 year old daughter had to witness her mother being attacked and my children were both upset too - they'd never seen adults behaving like that, or heard language like that. It stayed with them (and me) for a while.

I was behind a suited, smart business-type man in M & S (yes, M & S!!) who'd put his few items down on the conveyor in a long, spaced out line. I put the divider on and just slightly nudged the last of his items as I did so. Cue him rushing over, sticking his face 2 inches from mine and hissing 'You fuck with my things and I'll bloody fuck with you!' I was stunned - partly because his 'professional' appearance was so at odds with his aggressive behaviour. He rushed out of the store and I had a few consoling moments of chat with the very nice (and very shocked!) cashier.

This one is really bizarre, again because I didn't expect it from a teacher!! I was a teacher myself and was working in a national museum's education department long ago. We had a teachers' day and invited them to experience some of our schools' activities. While they were busy on one of these we were circulating to check in with them and get feedback etc. I approached one man (with a woman) and asked how things were going. He turned towards me with a really aggressive expression, stuck his face close to mine and said very sarcastically 'Yes, fucking marvellous!' You'd have to be there to get what was so horrible - the sarcasm was really nasty. The woman laughed. Looking back I realised they'd both sat at the back during the plenary sessions and sneered and behaved like a pair of naughty teenagers. My colleagues concurred that they were...unusual...for a pair of teachers.

None of these attackes were justified in any way - the other people were clearly just nasty sods, or had some kind of problem. But it wasn't anything to do with me! You have to remember that.

Only if you let them.
Observe don't absorb and be on your way.
Takes a lot of practice.
Focus more on the small acts of kindness.

I know what you mean - as I get older I do get more intolerant of people with no spatial awareness blocking access, or those entitled people who expect to walk 2/3/4 abreast along a pavement and for you to get into the road for them. But I don't shout, swear or threaten these people. A quiet tut is all I do - and mainly to myself!

Of course we all get annoyed - but the level of aggression that people feel free to express (nought to sixty in about a nano-second) is unreal, upsetting and sometimes very frightening.

Thank you and I think what you have experienced is next level, I am very sorry to hear this.
I don't understand how people and especially men think it is acceptable to treat women in this way.
Some of the verbal attacks are just downright aggressive and intimidating. Even when I have apologised to try and diffuse the situation (without needing to do so) the man in the most recent incident carried on shouting and swearing at me and screamed at me not to f apologise! I was worried for my safety and all I was doing was walking along the side of the road.
I don't understand as it seems like people get some sort of pleasure out of it.
I just despair as I don't know why anybody would want to upset someone like that and as for all the posters staying it is probably my fault even if it is, which I dispute, that doesn't give people the right to shout, scream, swear and attack me for basically just being in their way (unintentionally).

Thank you but I find it difficult not to be upset by a full on verbal and aggressive attack aimed directly at me.

Some men are just vile with their ranting and swearing. I always think that if I was a 6' 6" man built like a brick outhouse, their response would be " no problems mate, after you..." These men must have sisters, mothers, cousins, girlfriends, female work colleagues are they like this with all the women in their lives?!?