To redo my wedding?

[Camomilecrumpet]

DH and I absolutely hated our wedding day, and I also really hated the photos.

We had wanted to elope but DH let slip to his family and we ended up being pressured into a small wedding. We liked the registry office ceremony but desperately wanted to be alone after that. I was trying not to cry most of the evening and burst into tears as soon as we got home and both of us have struggled to shake off our unhappiness since.

It was hosted at my DM’s house so I feel guilty for not being more grateful for the work she and her friends put in, but it wasn’t work I asked them to do and I had been clear with them that it wasn’t necessary. It was hugely over the top and I was bossed about for the week leading up to it and the whole day and I felt embarassed by the result. DM also made an embarrassing speech which caused awkward silence for a while afterwards and which I found a bit cruel.

We only had one friend as we were keeping numbers down and there was an obligation to invite family first. We regret that but I’m also glad only one friend witnessed it because that was embarrassing enough.

On top of that, I had panicked at the thought of people taking pictures and decided at the last minute to get my hair done professionally. It looked terrible and I should have worn my natural curls. DH said I looked lovely but also said he would have preferred my natural hair. I hate almost all of the photographs and a lot are with family I’m not at all close to anyway.

We are now planning a redo, like a vow renewal but only a few weeks after the wedding. Is this completely unreasonable? Even if we don’t do a full vow renewal, it will involve rehiring DH’s suit, dry cleaning my dress, making another bouquet, hiring a photographer, taking a day off work and getting all done up again, and it still won’t be our real wedding or erase the day we had. We are busy and trying to save money and I know this is stupid but I am so upset and I feel like I want a memory to replace this with. I also want some photos I’m not embarassed to show people and that I can look back on with fondness. Should I just grow up and move on?

I absolutely think you should go for it. Treat it like you are eloping and get ready together, have photos and have the day you wanted. Life is too short.

I’ve got this issue hit sort of in reverse. We ended up getting married on our own with just my daughters and one friend there, then went out for dinner afterwards. We had a big wedding planned but DH’s ex wife made it clear a year in advance that she would make it hard for my DSS’s to attend, we had just had a big house fire and we were just stressed to the max. We wanted to be married more than we wanted the big wedding, so we just did it. It was an amazing day but I still do hanker after the big wedding and the party with all our family and friends that we didn’t have. (We did a family lunch later on). We will have been married three years this year and it feels too soon for vow renewals or whatever. And I don’t know if people would think it odd jf we decided to have a party for our wedding 3 years on. So we will probably just leave it to 5 or 10 year anniversary and have a party then, and I will have to wean myself off watching endless wedding dress videos on insta!

I think you're focusing on the negatives here. You got married, you should be celebrating this and not living in misery/being unhappy cause the wedding day wasn't exactly what you wanted. News flash, most weddings aren't 100% perfect. You need to reframe the day in your mind.
If you really want a redo, I would wait until your 1 yr anniversary.

Oh gosh , I don’t know, this is quite difficult! Like it or not you are married and that was your wedding day. You’ve had quite a strong reaction to it and I’m not sure re doing it in some way is going to fix it . I think it might feel a bit false somehow ?
Have you had a honeymoon? If you can afford it I think I’d go away somewhere lovely to try and have a nice break to relax . And maybe take some lovely photos of you both looking relaxed and happy. You are married after all , celebrate that !

I think that sounds like a lovely solution. It’s ok to want nice photos I think.

Just do it.
Make it a special day. Dress yourselves up again and have some good photos taken in a professional studio. Then change out of your wedding dress & go for a nice lunch together. Get a bit tipsy and spend the afternoon doing something nice together. Have those memories to associate with your photos.

This sounds like a lovely idea. Have your hair and make up just how you wanted it, then go and do something lovely by yourselves.

Longer term though, especially if you're planning to have children, you're going to want to work on setting much firmer boundaries with family.

Get the photos done again for sure but anything else is just a complete waste of time.

Ive regretted mine for 8 years now and it still upsets me, id love a re-do similar situation. Im not a forceful person and i got swept away with his family who are quite dominant, its not about everyone else its about you and your husband! Re-do it people who dont understand will never understand.

I think you should definitely do it again, if it feels like the right thing to do. I’m sure it will be beautiful xx

Lots of people have wedding photos taken not knowing the day of the actual wedding. It’s not traditionally a UK thing, but you see it a lot in other countries. Definitely have the photos re-done.