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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed someone who I’m not on speaking terms with hasn’t returned the borrowed items

11 replies

tangerinemagic · 15/06/2025 13:01

Six weeks ago a family member asked to borrow a couple of shoes for their holiday.

This person has a dramatic life and seems to want to impose themselves on me when sh*t hits the fan, I’m talking 4 times in 8 years. This time it’s been 5 full months of trying to lean on me, I’m talking asking to move in when I have a 7 week old baby (and 2.5 year old), and the rest.

I’ve been pretty stern with her this time around and it’s been a flat out no each time, just meeting every so often (it’s my sister). I thought lending shoes would be a low committal nice thing to do. However, we had a back and forth over message a matter of hours after she left. And haven’t spoken since.

The last thing she said was that she would return from holiday, drop my shoes (lives 10 min away by foot) and leave me alone.

Except she didn’t. I went to reach for my summer shoes yesterday and they weren’t here. It’s infuriated me. Seems she’s holding onto them for leverage or something? I don’t get why. I just want space from her and she knows I need to message her to get them back… but not until I’ve reached for them and they’re not there which makes me want space more. Everything is a drama.

AIBU to think she should have arranged to return them or even dropped them on the doorstep if not wanting to see me. I now have to chase her to return them.

OP posts:
Endofyear · 15/06/2025 13:08

OP have you posted about your sister numerous times here before? Sounds familiar 🤔

Phoenix1Arisen · 15/06/2025 13:09

Buy a new pair of shoes and avoid all the stress and upset.

Even if it's £50, the peace you gain makes it a good buy.

BusterGonad · 15/06/2025 13:53

Just message her to drop them at your door, do not engage, just tell her you expect by a certain date. If it doesn't happen just leave it. It's a loss you won't get back. Also, why on earth would you lend someone shoes for their holiday? That would be a no from me.

PullTheBricksDown · 15/06/2025 13:56

BusterGonad · 15/06/2025 13:53

Just message her to drop them at your door, do not engage, just tell her you expect by a certain date. If it doesn't happen just leave it. It's a loss you won't get back. Also, why on earth would you lend someone shoes for their holiday? That would be a no from me.

Yeah, just send 'please return my shoes, you can leave them in the porch/garage/by the door'

Doorsways · 15/06/2025 13:59

Phoenix1Arisen · 15/06/2025 13:09

Buy a new pair of shoes and avoid all the stress and upset.

Even if it's £50, the peace you gain makes it a good buy.

This.
No pair of shoes is worth the drama of getting them back.

Take the peace.
Buy new ones and NEVER loan her anything again.

mybrainpills · 15/06/2025 14:22

All this drama over shoe's.
All this drama full stop.
You all sound like a bunch of teens.

tangerinemagic · 15/06/2025 14:26

Ok so I’m not being unreasonable to be annoyed? I just thought agreeing to lend her the shoes was a fair thing to do since I’ve put a hard stop on my time (sanity) being taken. I didn’t think I wouldn’t get them back without having to ask…. Just shows when I give an inch she takes a mile.

OP posts:
tangerinemagic · 15/06/2025 14:26

mybrainpills · 15/06/2025 14:22

All this drama over shoe's.
All this drama full stop.
You all sound like a bunch of teens.

Eh?

OP posts:
mybrainpills · 15/06/2025 15:18

tangerinemagic · 15/06/2025 14:26

Eh?

No eh? About it.
You all obviously dont get on well. Obviously dont like each other very much.
You all sound lik a bunch of teenage drama queens.
Let it go no contact and move on.

tangerinemagic · 15/06/2025 17:30

mybrainpills · 15/06/2025 15:18

No eh? About it.
You all obviously dont get on well. Obviously dont like each other very much.
You all sound lik a bunch of teenage drama queens.
Let it go no contact and move on.

You’re on an advice forum. I’m wondering if I’m being unreasonable getting annoyed about it, like many others before me on 1000s of topics.

OP posts:
MaggieBsBoat · 15/06/2025 17:32

I second the short note by text. Put a deadline on it.

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