AIBU to need to distance myself from “friend”.

[blcakgaragedoor]

So my mother is elderly and we arranged for a Helper to come twice a week to help out.
She does a brilliant job and I had her do a couple one off jobs in my house. She is similar age to me and lives in the same town. We got chatting about general things and the local town and became friends. She came with me to a relaxation class I’m in and we got to know each other better.

I’ve since discovered. She called the police on her husband 3 yrs ago because he attacked her and her daughter in a drug fuelled rage when he was released from custody she took him back and now has social services involved. He is involved with a local family who are known for dealing and causimg trouble. She is very highly strung and on many antidepressants etc.

This is really not my kind of scene. I’ve tried distancing myself but she sends constant memes about having some one to rely on and sends voice messages all day and night. I have stopped going to the class to try and distance more. But it’s not working.

I know I’m being a terrible snob but I don’t need the stress this relationship brings. Any advice?

You’re not being a knob, I couldn’t be doing eight this either. Friendships are supposed to be effortless, with periods of supporting each other through life’s ups and downs (within reason)

I don’t have any advice but I don’t think YABU here

I agree that you don't need this kind of stress in your life.
She seems to rely on you quite a bit
Iv got no advice really other than try to keep your distance. Hopefully she will be weened off you.

Any reason why you need to attend a “relaxation class”?

she told you all this or you found out from someone else?

Yeah you definitely don't need this kind of drama in your life! You'll just have to distance yourself and not reply to messages or be busy a lot of the time. If she's still working for your mum, just try and be polite and distantly friendly when you see her.

I have been on your other threads about the serious things you’re facing with your own kids OP. You have big concerns yourself and you’d be well within your rights to distance yourself from further drama

It wouldn't be her life style that put me off so much as the emotional dependence. I accept that from my children and family only.

Is she still helping your mother?
if you are no longer attending the class, can you block her number and on social media? so that she cannot message you or leave voice messages.
if not I would change my phone number.

I can’t do those types of friendships anymore either @blcakgaragedoor. At a time when I had a lot of stuff going on I had a tendency to get caught up in similar type of relationships with similar codependent types. In life you can’t turn a corner without finding someone looking to be fixed by someone else. It is a very common dynamic but it is not a healthy one.

Leave her to it. You could kindly tell her that you can see she has so much on and you understand that is very hard for her to deal with but you don’t think you can offer her a friendship at the level she needs right now because you’ve got so much on too and make it about you instead of her but I’d be definitely be letting this go.

Thank you all I feel a bit less of a shit now for needing to distance myself. I hired her to try to solve a problem
and now I’ve got myself into this. I’m a disaster.

Op , so you was really good friends untill you made your discovery.. how did the discovery change her behaviour prior to you being oblivious to these facts ?

You're probably a nice person. Nice persons can attract needy people. I think you need to put boundaries in place and tell her that you don't do intense friendships with messages non-stop, they make you suffocate.

'Snob'?

I think you've chosen the wrong word there?

You're right not to want to get involved with someone whose boyfriend could end up putting you and your mother at risk.