Co parenting

[Kirstem89]

Have 3 children 2boys 1 girl with my ex husband. Difficult break up 7 years later still difficult. I find ex a narcissist kids find him hard work at times but try to maintain a relationship.
Our kids can be quite naughty, rude and disrespectful now I’ve had social services visit as there have been concerns raised about our sons behaviour towards women. I haven’t told my ex yet as I’m so worried he will blame me and get so cross at our son making the issue worse. But deep down I know these behaviours from our son are a result of his father’s behaviours and actions. Do I need to tell him or is it okay to keep it between us? So torn at the moment but don’t want to leave it any longer incase I’m completely in the wrong

I don't think you need to tell your ex. Of course, you do need to address it with your son though.

How old is your son? I would be honest with social services and tell them of your concerns that your son is learning abusive behaviour from his father. You also need to be honest with yourself and look at your own parenting - are you letting rude/bad behaviour slide for the sake of a quiet life? Are you challenging bad behaviour and imposing consequences? Teenagers need boundaries and disrespectful behaviour needs immediate and tough sanctions.

He’s just 15, I have mentioned my concerns to social and they didn’t seem to have an opinion on whether or not dad should be involved. They just wanted ds to be comfortable to talk to an adult and he chose to speak to me.
He is pretty good with me in general. Not so good at school with other authoritive figures but not based on sex he just doesn’t like to be told what to do.
I do feel like I have boundaries in place he follows 90% of the time but when he doesn’t he nocks them down a lot and his attitude is a big change but it’s quite rare.

That is very hard... with a normal coparent of course you would share. But given the fall out that you and your son may suffer from ex it does make it tricky.

I would address it with your son. I would also consider now your son is 15, that if your son witnesses your ex speaking to you inappropriately that you share that with your son after.

I'd also look closely at what he is watching online.

If you haven't already, you should watch things together that bring up these conversations naturally. Like Adolescence. Great conversation starter, but you can do it with most films or series. There's lots of things to discuss. You can also play devil's advocate and challenge him to prove why he is right while you are 100% wrong (but pretending you're in the right).