This is sooo long and i apologise in advance. I just really want someone else to talk to about this. Im so confused by my feelings. So me and my ex got together in 2009. In 2016 i discovered he had been messaging ither girls (one who was his ex!) pictures of his naughty bits. After so much soul searching i stayed for our children who at the time were 5&3 (they are now 14&12). He swore it would never happen again and it was only because i was so tired and wanted to sleep early each night. Flash forward to 2022 and he started messaging another woman this time who he worked with. I lost it and asked him to leave. He left but the kids were heartbroken and so was i. Why wasnt i enough? Why did he keep doing this?! He made all the right noises kept apologising and eventually he came back to live with us in 2023. By january 2024 i said i couldnt move past all the times he had messaged other women and when i had asked for sex but been told no i dont want to. Eventually it makes you feel so worthless and belittled and just worn down like your not enough. I was at rock bottom. He got a flat of which i gave him half of evey bit of furniture i owned which i paid for because he was diabolical with money and tbf still is! After 1 week of moving out he had started dating a new girl. It crushed me so bad. My kids saw me screaming most nights into my pillow and barely functioning as a human being. My doctor put me on antidepressants and anxiety meds. By february 2024 he asked to come back again. And i stupidly jumped at it to make the pain stop. We now get to March 2025, hes been here none stop (still paying rent on his flat monthly!) since november. He suggested he move back in give his flat up. I agreed. Seemed pointless paying 425 a month when he didnt need to right? By may 2025 he still hadnt gave his flat up even with me asking fortnightly what was happening. I finally lost it and saw daylight. I asked him to leave and that any relationship was now done forever as he was keeping his flat on as a back up option. That doesnt show me he is committed to making this work. Id asked last year to be dated at least once a month. I took him on date nights away to hot tub lodges etc but it was never reciprocated. I also asked if we could do relationship counselling. He wabted no part of it. So yeah he left. Pretty easy considering he hadnt moved in again. Its been 4 weeks now. And just 1 week since hes found a new girl. I know everyones thinking christ you deserve the pain he should of stayed gone the first time but i loved him so much he was my lobster. I just i dont know what im supposed to do. I dumped him this time for all the hurt he put me through and im probably rightly being portrayed as the bad guy to his family for binning him off but i still hurt so bad inside. I still love him. Well not this him. Old him before all the pain back in 2016. How do you move past that? Am i being unreasonable to feel so sad my ex moved on 1 week after the last time and then 2/3 weeks this time? I know deep down i dont want him back ever and tonight is the first time ive cried and even felt pain about any of it. First off all i felt was freedom and liberation. But today i feel so down and sad. Why was i never enough? Im now 36 and honestly dating looks to be a minefield of which i want no part of absolutely not. My children are my main priority but he makes it so difficult when i feel sad for them when he says he can have them for tea one night 3:30 - 7pm and one night on a weekend to sleep over. All they want is more time with dad but he says hes busy and has plans. I know its with his new partner. I just dont want my kids to ever be anybodies second option like their mum was for so many years. I just want to move on somehow but its so painful.