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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel uneasy?

20 replies

youngmum2000 · 14/06/2025 22:48

Please tell me I’m overthinking. I’ve. Currently been away from home for a month and a half (I’m in hospital). My husband has a friend (female) who recently got divorced. Our little girl gets on well with her little girl so we all used to meet up often before I was admitted. Since being admitted they still meet up every week, which I’m fine with.
My husband came to visit me this evening when he said this friend had messaged him saying she has left something in our porch for him. When he got home he told me it was a box of chocolates and I said oh why and he said maybe she thought you wouldn’t get me anything from the children with you being in there. I have been working on a painting of him with our children and now I feel like ripping it up. AIBU to feel uneasy?

OP posts:
JabbaTheBeachHut · 14/06/2025 22:51

Do you mean for Father's Day?

If so perhaps she thought she was being helpful.

But she really should've contacted you first and asked if you had anything planned to give him.

DontTouchRoach · 14/06/2025 22:52

You’re overthinking.

Largestlegocollectionever · 14/06/2025 22:53

If that’s the only thing then yes over thinking and a nice gesture…..

Anyoneforcricketandtennis · 14/06/2025 23:29

Im sorry you are unwell OP.

How long have your H and this woman been friends?

Have you been uneasy about their friendship for a while of is it a recent concern since you have been ill and since she got divorced?

Original poster
youngmum2000 · 14/06/2025 23:33

Anyoneforcricketandtennis · 14/06/2025 23:29

Im sorry you are unwell OP.

How long have your H and this woman been friends?

Have you been uneasy about their friendship for a while of is it a recent concern since you have been ill and since she got divorced?

thank you that means a lot
They’ve been friends for 7 years
Just since she got divorced really
its just hard being away from home, I have no idea what’s going on and feel paranoid

OP posts:
Spirallingdownwards · 14/06/2025 23:37

I would send her a message along these lines.

Thanks so much for helping the kids get a gift for DH for Father's Day. Despite my current incapacity we have been working on a personal secret project together for his gift this year. It was so thoughtful of you to think of helping me and picking up a little something when you were shopping.

That way she knows he told you, you totally spin it to helping you/the kids, that yours is a special gift and hers insignificant, rather than treating him even if that wasn't her intention!

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 14/06/2025 23:59

Well, however well intentioned it was, it is weird of her to get him a Father’s Day gift when she’s not related to him, not in a relationship with him, not an ex, doesn’t have kids with him and did it assuming you - his actual partner - hadn’t. It’s overstepping, imo.

Ponoka7 · 15/06/2025 00:13

Is she in contact with you? It's strange not to ask you herself. I'd be suspicious of her wanting a late night phone call to thank her, did she have her DD that night?

alcoholnightmare · 15/06/2025 00:24

I completely understand this - I was in hospital for 7 weeks last year and a ‘friend’ sent me a photo of my husband and kids looking after her dog… which I knew nothing about.
I agree with the above poster who said to text her thanking her but along the lines of ‘you really didn’t need to worry’

Original poster
youngmum2000 · 15/06/2025 14:00

Ponoka7 · 15/06/2025 00:13

Is she in contact with you? It's strange not to ask you herself. I'd be suspicious of her wanting a late night phone call to thank her, did she have her DD that night?

She messaged me often before I was admitted here but since being here have heard nothing from her. I don’t know if she had DD that night to be honest

OP posts:
Original poster
youngmum2000 · 15/06/2025 14:01

alcoholnightmare · 15/06/2025 00:24

I completely understand this - I was in hospital for 7 weeks last year and a ‘friend’ sent me a photo of my husband and kids looking after her dog… which I knew nothing about.
I agree with the above poster who said to text her thanking her but along the lines of ‘you really didn’t need to worry’

Thank you. It’s such an awkward position to be in isn’t it. I have such a weird feeling in my stomach

OP posts:
Anyoneforcricketandtennis · 16/06/2025 05:13

I think you are right to be suspicious OP.

It seems very strange that she has stopped contact with you when you are in hospital - the very time when it would be normal.for her to want to show her concern for you. And yet she is buying gifts for your H .

Have you talked to your H about how much this gift has upset you? Because I think you really should.

And you should discuss boundaries in your marriage regarding his friendship with this woman, given that her divorce changes the dynamics of their relationship. Do you know why she and her H divorced?

Ahwelltoobad · 16/06/2025 06:47

Plus, you are in the hospital, if anyone needs chocs, it's you, surely?
I agree with @spirallingdownwards and @CalmTheFuckDownMargaret

Best wishes for your recovery! 💐

GuevarasBeret · 16/06/2025 06:57

I think my degree of suspicion /trust could depend on whether the hospital stay is as a result of e.g. a car accident as opposed to you are actually detoxing as an alcoholic.

GreyCarpet · 16/06/2025 07:02

Anyoneforcricketandtennis · 16/06/2025 05:13

I think you are right to be suspicious OP.

It seems very strange that she has stopped contact with you when you are in hospital - the very time when it would be normal.for her to want to show her concern for you. And yet she is buying gifts for your H .

Have you talked to your H about how much this gift has upset you? Because I think you really should.

And you should discuss boundaries in your marriage regarding his friendship with this woman, given that her divorce changes the dynamics of their relationship. Do you know why she and her H divorced?

I agree.

On the surface, it could be argued that it was a nice thing to do but the fact she has stopped contacting you since being in hospital and that she didn't contact you to ask if you'd managed to sort anything and did you want her to get something? Nah.

Doesn't mean they're having an affair or that your husband is interested but she's definitely not playing nicely. It's an overstep on her part.

Not all women are friends to women.

Original poster
youngmum2000 · 16/06/2025 19:32

@GuevarasBeret no I am not an alcoholic, I’m T total. I’m on a mother and baby unit with our 3 month old

OP posts:
Notreallyme27 · 16/06/2025 19:37

I also think that’s an enormous overstep. I’d be very annoyed in your shoes. I hope that you and your little one are recovered and home soon. x

Anyoneforcricketandtennis · 16/06/2025 21:15

youngmum2000 · 16/06/2025 19:32

@GuevarasBeret no I am not an alcoholic, I’m T total. I’m on a mother and baby unit with our 3 month old

So you are on a Mother and Baby unit with your wee baby and this woman, who used to message you, stops communicating with you? And buys a present for your H?

Well her behaviour sounds more and more off OP.

You really need to.talk to your H about your worries. He should do everything to put your mind at rest.

Original poster
youngmum2000 · 16/06/2025 22:24

@Anyoneforcricketandtennis I did mention it to him earlier just said it makes me uncomfortable and he just got annoyed saying that I clearly don’t trust him and they’re just friends. I don’t know what to do or think anymore

OP posts:
Original poster
youngmum2000 · 16/06/2025 22:25

@Notreallyme27 thank you

OP posts:
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