Planning for birth of number 2 - childcare for DC1

[Peep23]

Help me work out if I am being realistic or not!

I am due to have my second baby in a couple of months time by elective c-section. My parents are away the week before my due date, and given they would have been our go-to, I'm not sure what to do about childcare for DC1 if they aren't around when the baby comes.

We do have friends close to us but it feels like it's a big ask to get them to look after DC1 while I am giving birth. DH thinks we should asks my parents to consider not going on holiday (it's a UK based trip with friends) but that feels unreasonable to me.

DC1 goes to nursery, so I was thinking if we have a planned section on a specific date, we would likely be able to drop them off there as normal for the day and ask a friend to pick them up at the end of the day for a couple of hours. Then DH could come home from hospital later in the evening, stay with them overnight before dropping them at nursery the next morning and coming back to hospital (this is assuming everything goes smoothly with the baby and there are no complications of course!).

I'm wondering though whether it's totally ambitious to think I would be able to cope with baby by myself that first night after a section? I was so out of it last time after days worth of drugs I couldn't have coped without my DH being there, but I'm thinking that having a planned c section is likely to be a totally different experience, besides I've dealt with a newborn before so will (hopefully) have a lot more confidence than last time!

To summarise:

• Am I right in thinking it is unreasonable to consider asking my parents not to go away the week before my due date?
• Am I totally stupid to think I could cope on my own the first night after a planned section if DH goes home to look after DC1 overnight?

Thank you!

I don’t think I would think it was a big ask if a friend of mine asked me to look after a child overnight whilst they were giving birth. I think it’s less of an ask than getting your parents to move a holiday.

Ask your friends, they can always say no. You DH could pop round to theirs for a bit to help with bed and bath time and then go back to the hospital to be with you?

Ask friends to have him, I know if it was my friends I wouldn't say no. You could drop him at nursery then day of the section, have the friends collect him and keep him until DH gets back in the evening. DH has him overnight then drops him at nursery the next day for the friends to collect and repeat as needed until you're discharged home. For a straightforward planned section, you'll likely get home the day after delivery.

Also you will be fine the first night in hospital on your own. Where I had DC didn't allow dad's overnight (and I was glad of it for multiple reasons). Ask for a sidecar cot, it clips right onto your bed at torso level so you can lift the baby in/out by yourself. Also ask DH to leave the call button within reach.l and get him to set you up a station of things you'll need on the bedside table and to put it over the bed so it's in reach - water jug, wipes, nappies, spare sleepsuit, snacks, phone, etc - if he leaves the brake off the wheels then it can easily be pushed away/pulled closer as needed.

Can't comment on your second question as I never had my section in the end (vaginal delivery instead) but I think you are right not to ask your parents to postpone their trip. Im sure your friends would be happy to help out - i would for any of mine.

One thing I would say is to make sure you have a plan for if you go into labour before your section date. I started having contractions 2 days before my section was booked, and DD2 arrived by vaginal delivery less than 3hrs after first contraction (with only 1hr of active labour). Luckily, contractions started early morning so we basically dropped DD1 at nursery, rushed straight to hospital and DD2 was born. But if it had been the middle of the night, I'd have likely had to do it alone as by the time we would have been able to sort out childcare, it would have been too late for DH to arrive.

You’re not totally stupid full stop. So it’s not stupid to think you could cope without DH the first night. Some hospitals don’t allow male partners to sleep in the postnatal ward anyway. You most definitely won’t be alone, you’ll have the midwives there 24/7.

I would also be happy to look after a friends toddler or do nursery pick up so you should ask them not your parents. What about DHs parents though?

Assuming you’re close to your parents then it’s absolutely not unreasonable to ask them to be available for this. You’re going into hospital to have serious surgery and give birth. You do not need the horrendous stress of expecting favours from friends and not being 100% certain of your other child’s comfort and arrangements. I’m surprised they’ve decided to go away to be honest.

But to echo previous posters you will have to cope in hospital alone the night of the c section as male
partners aren’t allowed overnight on wards. However your DH would be allowed to stay late until approx 10pm so not really childcare friendly.

Unlike previous posters, my hospital did let partners stay overnight which was part of the reason I chose to deliver there. Made such a big difference! That being said, although not ideal you will 100% be able to manage by yourself overnight and you’ll have the midwives who will be happy to help out if necessary! Definitely consider if you go into labour prior though, it’s all a bit of a minefield with second babies but at least you have a planned date to go by!

I also wouldn’t ask my parents to cancel a holiday to be honest. Imagine if it didn’t pan out that you needed them and they could have gone after all!

I had 2 c-sections and managed fine without DH there overnight. But I would make plans for friends to have DC1 anyway. My second c-section was planned for mid morning but didn't happen until evening, you can't assume DH will be available to pick up your child from nursery/friends.