Neighbours!!!

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Ok here we go! Two of our neighbours are in their 70s and are obssessed with giving my 3yr old ds crap to eat Why??
I generally try not to give him a lot of sweets and chocolate but am not an ogre and don't mind him having it now and again, at the right time ie after dinner.
Despite me really emphatically telling them I don't want him having, they still persist in doing it while saying "oh mummy will give me a row for giving you this"! Well, yes, feed him three bloody kit kats followed by pandrops and toffee 20 mins before his lunch and I bloody will say something (and I am not exagerating, they actually did do this)!
I realise that it's a generation thing and they do think they are being nice to him but surely it's nicer to see a wee boy with all his teeth?
How do I stop this? I have tried banning him from going there but, for obvious reasons, he loves going and they are nice people that get a lot of enjoyment from him and I really don't want to fall out with them.
Suggestions please?

Oh that's a fairly lenghthy rantsorry!

Lummy how IRRITATING YAdefinatelyNBU, tricky tho. Can you make sure he only goes round after lunch or breakfast, leaving sufficient time to collect him and let him work up an appetite for lunch/dinner. Also would deffo sit them down and explain exactly why you don't want them to constantly give him crap to eat and if they persist then say you don't want him visiting them.

It is difficult because he gets out of the car and runs into their house, I also have a 7 month old so can't catch him.
Trust me I have told them so many times not to give him things. He suffers from eczema and have told them that his skin flares up when getting rubbish. I have even made dh have a word. Nothing works. Really difficult because like I say in their 70s and i don't want to upset them.
He loves rice cakes, apples and loads of healthy stuff, I have even bought stuff and given it to them to give him but no they still give him crap!

What a difficult one. YANBU, not in the slightest. But they're not children. They've been alive for 70 years so they should be able to cope with a bit of a telling off by now. I think you need to be firmer with them, lovely though they are, as they're clearly not taking your current approach seriously.

Tell them that you feel they are showing little respect for you as a mother. Remind them how much DS loves seeing them, but that at the end of the day you are his mother. You have repeatedly asked them politely to show respect for your parental choices and they have repeatedly ignored this. Tell them that you find it very hurtful that they would treat you this way and that you understand that it's not their intention to hurt you. Tell them that now you want it to stop.

If this feels too heavy, how about the following:

Tell them a lie to back you up - the dentist has expressed strong concern about the state of his teeth, that they've become much weaker in the past (6 months? however long this has been going on). If they do not stop giving him sweets he will end up as the only child in his class (I'm assuming he goes to nursery?!) with fillings, or worse still, having his teeth pulled out (happened to 2.5-year-old daughter of a friend of mine recently), which is unacceptable in a 3 year old, yadda yadda.

Warn them that being so young he does not have the self-control to say no, so he needs them to be responsible adults and to put his health first. If they feel that they cannot do this, warn them that you'll have to stop him seeing them - it's their choice.

Easier said than done, but at the end of the day it's clear that if you don't change your tack they won't change either. Maybe give yourself a bit of Dutch courage with a glass of wine beforehand? Also I defo recommend rehearsing the conversation out loud - either with your DH or on your own. I recently did this for a tricky conversation (and I am always polite and kind to a fault!) and I was SO proud of the way I conducted myself. V firm, clear, and fair.

So you can do it too! Go on, girl!

One more thing - whatever you do, make sure you do not make apologies for yourself, either in your words or in your tone of voice and body language. People pick up on these cues and end up not taking one seriously.

xx

erm

don't know if this would work but can you get your ds to turn some of the sweeties down?

That sounds a bit mad maybe, but dd is 3 and I (think!) she might do this if I told her enough times! or at least say to them that he wants to take them home to have after his tea or something and then you can stash them and hand them out as a treat.

Like you, I'm not an ogre about sweets and chocolate but do use them as a treat rather than everyday food. dd always tells me (with guilty look of pleasure on her face) when someone -usually her dad- has given her sweets. I naively think that maybe this tendency could be turned into a refusal if it was necessary!

Tell them that they are very kind, and it's lovely that they are so indulgent of your DS, but he is only allowed sweets and chocolate once a week (or whatever), and that he can take the sweets they give him and put them in a special tin.

Get DS a special tin, and let him show them that he has put his treats from Mr and Mrs Next Door in there, so he can choose one next time you say he can.

I don't think there is any need to make it a big issue.

They sound like lovely neighbours.

And surely you are around to keep an eye on how much he consumes anyway?