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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not wanting child to go abroad with his father like ever

4 replies

Sylviaplathforever · 14/06/2025 21:31

This issue never crossed my mind until my ex's sister (our sons autnie) started insinuating that her brother should take our son to visit her and their parents abroad where they live.
My child is 3,5 ... never spend a night with his father, simply becasue it was never a thing. ex lives in a room (something that reminds me of dog kennel) and has taste for smoke. He takes our child out a lot for little adventures here and there but day to day life would be a disaster. I simply dont trust his parental abilities.
Back story of parents - absolute narcs who in my opinion contributed massively to how much of a nutcase my ex is.
mother child psychologist (what) with peculiar desire to manipulate.
sister most sensible.
there is also insane youngest brother , adult ofcourse who still lives with the parents and i know for a fact is selling drugs to people. have a disguistingly unhealthy relationship with parents. (suckerpunched their dad last year or so which they tried to hide from me) there is people coming in and out the house.
i am getting panic attack just writing about it.
WHAT is the audacity for autnie to think i will let my son go. She doesnt have a child and clearly has no clue. How oblivious.
She keeps telling my ex he should start having our child over for nights now to prepare him to go 'one day' SURE. I potentialy would allow for nights under condition of making his room pristine. But not to train my kid to be away from me for days.
They tried to persudade me to visit THEM regulary, after two times i said NO.
when they come here I am kind enough and let them see kiddo every day and im politle to participate and organise the time. Their son always finds a way to get out of it.
I just feel like they are one of the most dysfunctional family I have ever met and I feel like screaming it out loud.
During last visit the grandmother said to my kiddo 'oh maybe you gonna come to visit us with daddy' and i was like maybe when hes 6 . but really i felt like saying 16. ugh

OP posts:
MsNevermore · 15/06/2025 01:36

If he’s never had his own child overnight, there’s no way in hell I’d be ok with a trip abroad.
Do you have any kind of court order in place OP?

Tillow4ever · 15/06/2025 03:36

Does your child have a passport? If so, make sure YOU have control of it in a safe place. If not, consider applying for one now so your ex can’t apply for one and have control of it.

You aren’t wrong for not wanting them to take the child abroad alone given the lack of parenting they do at the minute. It also doesn’t sound like it’s going to be something your ex wants to do anyway!

Kinneddar · 15/06/2025 03:39

It doesn't sound like its something your ex is planning. I wouldnt worry until he brings it up

If his family mention just say oh hell need to be an awful lot older and leave it at that

Meadowfinch · 15/06/2025 04:08

If your ex can't manage your child for one overnight by himself in the UK, there is little chance he'll want to be with him for a week.

And given that he's moved country to get away from his parents, I suspect he's not keen on visiting so I wouldn't worry too much.

Your child will be in school soon which means 39 weeks of the year are out. Christmas holidays he needs to be at home with you, and Easter/half terms he visits his other DGPs/relatives so that only leaves the summer. Then two weeks away with you. That's excludes 48 weeks in the year. I'm sure you can think of reasons it's not possible. 🙂

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