Worried about son’s friend - AIBU to feel uneasy?

[Amysynt]

Hi all,
Looking for some honest opinions as I don’t know if I’m being paranoid or if something is genuinely off.

My son is 17, he has ADHD and is autistic (diagnosed). He’s doing well at college at the moment and I’m proud of how hard he’s working. He’s always struggled socially and has found it difficult to make friends over the years. So when he recently became close with someone new, I was initially pleased for him.

The thing is, this friend doesn’t go to college or seem to be doing anything structured. I think he’s a bit older but I’m not entirely sure by how much. What’s starting to concern me is that this friend keeps buying my son stuff. He’s bought him LEGO sets a few times, and a couple of other things like model kits and snacks. Not just little gifts now and then, but more frequent and more expensive than I’d expect from a casual friendship.

I’m not sure how they met. I’ve asked my son and he just says they “got chatting” but doesn’t really elaborate. He seems to really like him and talks about him a lot, but it’s also obvious that this person is a dominant influence in the friendship. My son’s judgement and awareness can sometimes be a bit off, and I’m worried he might be getting taken advantage of or manipulated in some way.

I don’t want to jump to conclusions and I definitely don’t want to drive a wedge between them if this person genuinely likes my son and is just being kind. But I can’t shake the feeling that it’s a bit… off?

AIBU to feel uneasy about this? Would you say something to your teen or try to let it play out? I don’t want to overstep but I’m feeling anxious about the whole thing.

Thanks in advance.

I’d take notice of your instinct here; can you get to know the friend better? Get him to come round to the house and get chatting to him so you can find more out about his life?

I'd definitely encourage you to try to meet this friend yourself to get a better sense of his personality. Is the friend also autistic by any chance? I ask this as I'm wondering if the gifts are innocent attempts from someone wanting to be a good friend and not understanding social norms (I'm autistic myself and some of us can get overexcited when we make a new friend.)

Do keep a healthy amount of wariness, though. Well done for looking out for your boy and trust your gut.

YANBU. As PP suggested, ask to meet this person and take a genuine interest in them.
if you suspect they are in a relationship you can request a Clare’s law and also a Sarah’s law as your son is still a child. You’ll need their details to do that.
Have you checked his messages? I’d be concerned this could be drugs related.

Trust your instincts OP. This could be grooming. It's certainly unusual behaviour for boys of that age. Your DS is vulnerable, due to his diagnoses. Does he have other friends, or might he fall for the flattery of someone who wants to be his friend? I would be very wary, if I were you, but be smart. Try to find out this person's name, ask to meet them and get the measure of them.