To think I'll never meet someone

[TwinklyHare]

The love of my life died traumatically when we were both young and sadly I found him and the cpr I performed was futile.

All the men I meet turn out to be a freak, have no intention of actually dating and are using dating apps as some sort of experiment, or quite plainly just are not Him.

He was perfect in every way and I don't understand why he had to die and take all my hopes and dreams with him. I see so many partnered people walking around and it feels so dreadfully unfair to see their effortless unions dangled in front of me.

My colleagues were discussing their multi decade marriages and asked me 'what's that face for?'.

There is nothing. The man I love is a dismantled arrangement of bone and the closest I can get to him is 6 feet. Is this my punishment for not keeping a closer eye on him?

He was everything. There is nothing

Is this my punishment for not keeping a closer eye on him?

no, I have no words for you but I wanted to say no.

if it's not a punishment then why is it so painful

Oh hun big big hug, nothing you did caused this. Have you had some therapy for helping you to cope with the grief? How old are you, was it a while ago? There are good men out there though it’s just a big sea unfortunately

I think I did cause it. I knew he had problems. I knew his friends had concerns about this outcome. I disregarded it. I ignored it. I pretended nothing like that could ever happen to him.

It doesn’t sound like you’re quite ready yet to date anybody and I think you need to sort out and deal with your grief first. It must be totally soul destroying going through what you’ve been through but with some help I’m sure you can make it slightly less raw and come up with some coping mechanisms so you’re emotionally ready to accept a new partner into your life.

I am not for a second putting myself in your shoes. But a while after I'd split up with an ex a few years ago, I was devastated. And all I could see were what I thought were happy couples around me.

The problem was me. I had 'relationship goggles' on. A couple of years later, I was able to look at their relationships more realistically and honestly, my perception of them had been wacko. Not one of them had a relationship I'd want.

This of course takes nothing away from your loss, which is huge. But the rest of the world isn't playing happy couples. The hugely vast majority of them are settling. This doesn't help you I know. But the envy part of your grief can at least be assuaged. They don't have what you did.

I bet he wasn't perfect, you were just at that point blind to his imperfections. Please get some therapy. And if you've had some, get more.

Thanks for putting it in perspective for me like that. I wasn't settling with my SO, we were so, so, so frighteningly crazy about it each other.

Wrong. he was perfect for me

But from the kindest place , what has happened has happened now and I really doubt you caused it , health can’t be controlled and he was an adult in his own right. I really hope the best for you, there are specialist councillors for grief and bereavement it’s not to forget the memories it’s to learn to cope and live with it all. All the best lovely x

my spirit is so thoroughly crushed it feels like punishment to continue my life

Lots of love. The one perfect for me died when we were in our 30s xx

and did you meet someone after

Your very luck to have experienced an amazing man… most of us can dream.

You still grieving and sound lonely. Do you have any hobbies etc?

yes but i dont want a hobby i want my boyfriend to come back

Have you been dating?

yeah and theyre nothing compared to him. Nothing

No - but I have good friends and family, a job I enjoy, hobbies, a home I love and (mostly) hope for the future, whether in a relationship or not.

Big hugs to you. It's horrible to lose your perfect one. My DH died over a year ago but I'm not even thinking about looking.
I think most people will tell you that OLD is not an easy place to meet a new partner. Some have success but I think many have the opposite - horrible experiences worse than staying home along. TBH, if your late mister was that good, it will take a long time to find someone worth.
Lots of people think that a mutual interest (hobby) is a good way to meet compatible people - it gives you both a chance to see how that person really is and means you have something in common.

I don’t think there ever will be….

I think you have to stop comparing really… or you’ll never find someone new.

I bet he wasn't perfect

Is this really the time or the place to berate her perfect partner?

Seriously?

OP, its not punishment, it hurts because youre grieving hard for him. Don't try to replace him, first become the person who loved him but lives without him You don't have to forget him, replace him or move on, but you do need to grieve and heal.

I think you might benefit from immersing yourself in information about pain and grief from kind people. I've recently been through a very painful divorce and while it's not the same, I understand what it feels like to not want to go on due to the pain of losing someone. I started watching Matthew hussey videos on YouTube, he has lots but his ones on heartbreak are good. There's also a woman called Claire the heartbreak coach who has a podcast, her first episode is about breathing through the pain. Like others have said, therapy is really useful, even just to have someone to talk to. I have recently got really into radical acceptance and sitting with reality from following some inspirational women on instagram. OK, so this is your life now. What if you don't meet anyone else you like? How else can you make your life good in other ways? It sucks, but there can be good times still.