To ask honestly, how many children are in wraparound every day? Especially reception

[anothertwix]

My job is a bit rubbish at the moment. I’m three days a week. I’m searching for other opportunities but they are all full time.

Eldest dc starts reception in September. If I went full time he’d be in breakfast and after school club every day except Friday (dh works from home)

It feels a lot. Wondering what others think.

YABU - look for full time
YANBU - stick at three days.

Depends so much on the job but I have always had enough flexibility within full time hours to manage my time to attend school events and volunteer for extra-curricular stuff.

My children were in after school club. Until 8 realised my youngest was being harassed daily and my oldest was being verbally assaulted by the child who beat him up. The “supervisors” were less than useless at dealing with conflicts and kept either blaming my 6 year old for an 8 year old throwing rulers and poking him with compasses every day or told my kids to “sit together” to protect him. Which is ridiculous.
I changed my work pretty sharpish and made damn sure they were never in any wraparound at that school again.

We weren’t time poor - just very well organised. DT’s never not had a water bottle and although they went to a non uniform school, nothing got lost. They didn’t have anything to carry around the school other than a water bottle and book bag - same as all children.

What they gained was much more independence (much better at following instructions) and a greater friendship group - their social skills seemed much better than many other children.

So that’s great for your child, you know what’s best for them and certainly don’t have to explain or justify that to strangers.

Some commenters also make poorly informed remarks based on false assumptions that children collected from school are just popped in front of the TV and are ‘missing out’. That is far from the truth. Many are far happier at home and love spending time with their own families.

The OP of course wanted to hear from as wide as range of different opinions as possible. Some parents will never use wraparound, some some will use it part-time, some full-time. Some want to use it, others have no choice. Some children like and enjoy it, others tolerate it and don’t know any different, others will hate it. Reality is nuanced, as you say.

The OP will of course work out what is right for her own family, it probably won’t be exactly the same as anyone who has commented.

Great. So it’s not relevant to you then. You weren’t time poor and you were well organised. Your jumper didn’t look the same as the other twenty three jumpers. Your school didn’t have bags.

I taught reception for twenty one years, I don’t know why my knowledge is less valuable than than yours.

Also, I said that dc in before and after care made more friends.

@WimbyAce

Maybe you shouldn't have bothered having kids then........

What should I have done? I was a single mum working FT after my husband became an abusive alcoholic. If I didn't use after school clubs I wouldn't have been able to work, I'd either not have been able to feed my child or I would have been on benefits.

Would that have been a better outcome for my daughter in your view?

If you can't grasp that some people have to use after school clubs perhaps you shouldn't have bothered having kids either as you aren't going to bestow either compassion or intelligence on them.

I haven’t said your viewpoint isn’t relevant but it’s not something I’ve seen from my DC’s and their friends - the majority of whom went to breakfast and after school clubs.
For them there weren’t any negatives - only positives. Their jumpers didn’t look the same as 23 others because they didn’t wear a school uniform so everyone’s clothes were different.
One of the reasons we chose their particular school was because of the breakfast and after school clubs- essential for working parents.

I had no choice. Full time nursery at 8 months old and breakfast and after school club every day. It was that or homeless

I worked 30 hours (4 days) over 5 days for one year to fit around pre-school hours and honestly it was the most stressful of my life. My job didnt get any smaller so I was trying to do everything in less time, felt like I was always playing catch-up. No lunch break as I needed to work thorough to fit in my hours. I had no slack in my schedule, if a train was cancelled I was screwed (thankfully the preschool were unusually accommodating about me repeatedly being late) And all this for 20% less pay.

Honestly when I got the option to have them in longer wraparound at primary school it alleviated so much stress. DH and I could share pick up and drop offs as it worked around full time hours and I could go back to 5 days.

For a time I did a normal 4 day week when they were both in primary and that was bliss as I also got a quiet day at home to sort out the house and then could pick up the DC at 3:30, and do all the after school stuff like trips to the park and play dates which we don’t usually manage. But it was a stretch financially!

Mine were in afterschool club 5 days a week. Now we have an afterschool nanny 3 days a weeks and the other two we pick up. They are older now so easy to work with them here.

I’ve not seen anyone suggesting people who don’t use wraparound shouldn’t have bothered to have children!

Before we started primary I read quite a few comments of the like that it was “cruel” to have them in wraparound 5 days a week or that it thry wouldn’t cope and be tired etc etc.

As I say, my children have absolutely thrived.

In my experience I think most children ant our school are fine in wraparound. I know one or two who seem to struggle and their parents try to limit their time in wraparound as a result, but most seem to be absolutely fine. I also know a handful of kids who struggle just with the normal school day so absolutely would find wraparound a challenge.

One thing I would observe is that it wasn’t obvious who those children who struggle would be in advance. One of my DC’s friends had never gone to any nursery/childcare at all before they started school and went straight into ASC regularly and thrived. I know another child who seemed confident and robust as a pre-schooler but has found the transition to primary really challenging.

I don’t know about the provision where OP is but at our school the waiting list for ASC is ridiculous- you have to get on the list before you are offered a school place! So it is easier to get full time wraparound and then drop days if you decide that it isn’t working than it is start with a couple of days and increase. I know that’s not the case everywhere but I know many schools where parents have just assumed ASC would be available and then found that in practice there is a huge waiting list.

Thanks. I do get threads like thus can be a bit difficult because people feel defensive about things and people on both sides can feel that their choices are being called into question.

That isn’t what I’m about here. I’m just trying to weigh everything up. We sometimes have to be selfish as parents but if I’m honest a new job would very much be for me and not the family.

I think the thing to remember, is whatever you do, it isn't really a fixed choice. I think when our kids are little, everything feels like it will be a decision until they finish primary at 11 or whatever. But in actual fact, things keep changing. Your child joins a club, your new job allows a WFH day etc etc. Child becomes more confident or conversely becomes shy. Also, there's things like how you cover illnesses etc. so in the end, there isn't always a 'right choice', at most there's a 'right for now' choice.

I think in your shoes I would be looking at how flexible the wraparound care is it the school - I’ve seen everything from schools where you can phone up on the day and book your child in through to schools like ours with a multi-year waiting list.

And think about how flexible any new job is likely to be - big difference between WFH desk jobs with a lot of flexibility to set your own working pattern providing the work gets done vs something like teaching.

I’d say it’s generally easier to negotiate hours down in a job rather than up, so it might be best to look for full time opportunities and then if it isn’t working for your family look to reduce hours. As you say jobs advertised as less than full time tend to be thin on the ground.