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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Summer holiday and mil

31 replies

Blossoms21 · 14/06/2025 10:18

Mil is generally OK, kids enjoy seeing here when she comes to visit but she has asked if she can take our kids (4 and 9) for a few nights 300 miles away from us (where she lives) with very little transport links to get to if something were to happen to the kids. Our options for getting there would be a 4 and a half hour drive then a three hour ferry then another hour drive. Or a very expensive plane ride for 45 minutes then an hour drive.

Our kids have never spent more than a night away from us and at very most half an hour away from us. I think they would very ok during the day but at night they may become upset and wouldn't want that for them.

I'm extremely anxious about the whole thing and thinking of saying no but offering a compromise to say they could take them somewhere within a 1 hour radius of where we live that way if the kids were upset or something were to happen we could get there.

Could really use advise on this one.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 14/06/2025 10:21

I wouldn’t even consider it.

FloraBotticelli · 14/06/2025 10:22

Just say no - you're clearly uncomfortable with it. Seems a bit much for that age to me.

‘It’s a really kind offer, thanks, but I’ve had a think and it’s a no right now. Maybe we’ll rethink when they’re older.’

If she pushes it, say, ‘I said no’.

baffledpuzzledandconfused · 14/06/2025 10:24

just say no they’re too young, ask me again in a couple of years

Shinyandnew1 · 14/06/2025 10:25

Does she want to have then to stay at hers or take them somewhere else near her?

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 14/06/2025 10:27

Can you all go and visit, and send her out with the kids during the day?

needtolose70lb · 14/06/2025 10:28

Depends if you want to foster a relationship that would mean the kids are comfortable to do something like this more regularly as they get older. If you do, then is there any way you could have a mini break within an hour of where she lives rather than an hour of where you live? So they get to do the stay, you are in hand if needed but they also get to spend time at her place?

if you don’t then yep, offer an hour near you or just say no.

DelphiniumBlue · 14/06/2025 10:28

“Maybe when they’re older. “
Could you and DH use it as a break, and stay somewhere not too far away yourselves?
How would MiL be anticipating the travel arrangements? If she’s thinking you’d be doing the transportation, is she prepared to cover the cost of it?

Original poster
Blossoms21 · 14/06/2025 10:30

To answer questions I believe she wants them to stay at her house however there's not much space and I'm not sure about how her dog would react to the kids it's an akita.

Unfortunately we can't all go visit, we did look as we're all off a week over the summer but the prices for accommodation are way out of our budget.

OP posts:
Original poster
Blossoms21 · 14/06/2025 10:31

From what I've gathered she wants us to drive to the ferry terminal 4 and half hours away.

OP posts:
Original poster
Blossoms21 · 14/06/2025 10:33

Accommodation around where she lives is over a grand for a couple of nights

OP posts:
Gymnopedie · 14/06/2025 10:36

The DCs may enjoy seeing her when she visits but I doubt it's often enough for them to know her well enough to be a long way from home with her.

It's too far and takes too long for you to get there if you had to. What's DH's take on this?

Meadowfinch · 14/06/2025 10:37

Staying with a strange dog, somewhere that involves a three hour ferry ride. .... no. You can hardly go and fetch them if there is a problem.

It would be a no from me.

TheBigFactHunt · 14/06/2025 10:45

Assuming she is capable of sensible decisions I'd let them go for it. What a great adventure for the children, and spending time with their Grandmother is priceless. If she was to become incapacitated or worse, you'd regret not allowing them this opportunity.
Whenever I feel particularly worried about children doing things without me to be the emergency backup I am reminded of Finding Nemo.
Perhaps you and your partner could plan a few nights away near the drop-off point?

CountryQueen · 14/06/2025 10:47

Blossoms21 · 14/06/2025 10:33

Accommodation around where she lives is over a grand for a couple of nights

Really? Where does she live?!

TillyTrifle · 14/06/2025 10:48

This would be a hard no from me. I wouldn’t even entertain the idea. ‘Thanks for the offer MiL but that arrangement isn’t right for us at all at this point.’

Original poster
Blossoms21 · 14/06/2025 10:48

CountryQueen · 14/06/2025 10:47

Really? Where does she live?!

Show quote history

Tourist island especially over school holidays the prices are silly money, we also need to look for dog friendly accommodation

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 14/06/2025 10:49

I completely disagree with you @TheBigFactHunt

I think either the MIL takes the children to stay somewhere nearish to where the OP lives or that the OP stays somewhere nearish to where the MIL and children are staying are both much better options.

Ohmygodthepain · 14/06/2025 10:50

Assuming she is capable of sensible decisions I'd let them go for it

Like bringing strange kids into a home with an Akita? After an absurd journey requiring the whole family to make a several-hours-long journey just for the parents to return home, to do the same thing in reverse a few days later, just so she can look after dc in her own home?

I'm not reading sensible in any of this op. Hard no from me.

Wethers121 · 14/06/2025 10:59

Say no. That won’t work well

pestowithwalnuts · 14/06/2025 11:01

It's a NO from me

PerpetualStudent · 14/06/2025 11:05

Is it something the 9 year old would be up for doing alone? For that age it would be a maybe for me, but 4 is deffo too young in my book.

Also, if she’s pushing back and getting insistent/grumpy about it, that’s a pretty good sign the dynamics aren’t right for it just now!

Could you offer to have her visit more or meet up somewhere more affordable on the mainland, with the express idea of building up to this in the future?

Cherrysoup · 14/06/2025 11:08

Rather obviously no. Would she go on a break with you all somewhere? I would not leave the dc that far away at that age, particularly when they haven’t done it before.

neverbeenskiing · 14/06/2025 11:11

I wouldn't agree to this, no. But I do think it's reasonable to try to find a compromise or to work towards MIL being able to take her GC away if she wants to. For example, if she's never had them overnight before you could suggest you all go away together for 1 or 2 nights somewhere, so that MIL gets used to the kids bedtime routine etc. Then you might feel more confident that they would settle for her if she were to take them away in future, somewhere closer to home like you've suggested so that you could get there in an hour or two if needed.

CountryQueen · 14/06/2025 11:13

I travel a lot and have yet to come across somewhere where accommodation is exclusively that expensive. Maybe you could put the dog in kennels to make it easier?

I wouldn’t send the kids alone if I wasn’t happy with it but I would make arrangements so my family could visit MIL

Renamed · 14/06/2025 11:21

Happy memories of staying with my grandmother with my sibling. We were 9 and 12. 4 is far far too young to be separated for days and so far away from you

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