To expect DP to get up to help with kids at least sometimes

[Bugahug]

My DP rarely gets up before me to deal with kids in the morning I think i can count on one hand in the last 8 years since having my DC that this has happened.

But he never get up with me either to help. I get he's not a morning person but we have kids so unfortunately it doesn't matter what type of person you are you have to suck it up IMHO.

He works shift so I know it can have an impact on routine so I do take they in to consideration.

I feel he hasn't taken responsibility that he has 2 DC and can't do what he wants like stay up to 2/3am watching tv or on the dreaded phone. I have to force myself to go to bed as I know I will need to be up the next day between 5am and 7am.

I think it's annoying me as we are due out soon and I need a shower and DS is under a year so can't be left and he is dosing off on the sofa. I've been up since 6am and he's slept cause he won't have gone to bed till stupid o'clock in the morning.

What is his shift pattern? If he's always on nights then I don't think it's realistic for him to entirely shift his sleep pattern for a day off. If it changes and he's four on four off or similar then yes he should be getting up on some mornings.

How have you tolerated this for 8 years and 2 kids? I wouldn’t have had a second with someone who behaved so selfishly after the first. Neither of us like mornings, we’re both night owls. But the kids aren’t so someone has to get up with them everyday! We’ve always alternated weekend lie ins and when they were babies and I was up in the night with them - happy to do as bf - DH did way more mornings so I could catch up on sleep or rest.

He does days and nights so one week of days then off for 3/4 then nights for a week then off again for 4days. He's been off the whole week and pretty much slept till lunch time everyday. Apart from 1 day he needed to get up but moaned about it for hours.

He's an arse, who's not pulling his weight. Read him the riot act.

Ex was like this - he would get up just as I was leaving to take the kids to school.

We agreed (ha, I forced) bedtimes to be his thing (although I had to remind him every single day) in exchange, and the agreement was also that I would get a lie-in Saturday, and he would have Sunday (pick 2 other days depending on shifts).

YANBU. He needs to let you sleep in at some point.

That would make me hate him. He’s acting like a fucking teenager not an adult who presumably chose to have two children. I hate him and I’ve never met him.

Do you manage to like, respect, admire, fancy him despite his behaviour?

Why do you put up with?

He’s not ‘not helping’ - he’s not doing his fair share of parenting.

i couldn’t have sex with someone who throught so little about my needs as a person.

In that case he's just lazy and not a team mate.

That is why my ex is an ex.

He never got up at night or in the mornings. He's had over a decade of uninterrupted sleep and lie-ins for over a decade now. It was his choice 🤷‍♀️.