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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Father's Day expectations?!

8 replies

Magicunicornpower · 13/06/2025 22:33

Just this, really. Any fathers out there that have high expectations for father's day?! How serious should I take this day, because my partner is constantly asking what have I planned for him this Sunday!
For context, I really don't pay much attention to mother's Day. Last one, we actually attended a kids birthday party with our daughter and I got some flowers and a card in the morning from him. Absolutely fine with that. My partner also went to see his mum in that morning. That's what usually I can expect for mums day, and my partner will definitely make a nice home lunch for us at home. Happy with that.
Last year he started this same conversation "what have you planned for me"? I planned the same as he does for me. Nice breakfast, a bottle of his favourite drink, chocolats a card and hopefully doing something as a family outdoors, something of his choice. Kayaking, a nice walk, drink at a pub... A family thing. Obviously leaving some space in the day so he could see his dad. Well.. he ended up spending the whole day with his dad because I "didn't plan" anything for him. I thought that maybe it was a communication problem between us, as maybe I should have said during that morning breakfast that I would like to get us out of the house and doing something that he loves like kayaking or cycling. Either way, it was too late as he had arranged lunch at his parents already! I was so angry and disappointed that I didn't go, he took our daughter saying he would be there just a couple of hours. This year I gathered a few little presents for him, as our daughter is more aware of this day we tried to make it a bit more special. But as he started asking "what have I planned?" and silently infuriating me inside, I didn't give much away. This evening he just said that he accepted his dad's invitation to go around his parents for lunch Sunday. Wtf?! I guess the minimum he could have done was, before answering his dad, letting me know about it! It just seems like such a childish and selfish decision and attitude! This is a nearly 40 year old man?! Father's day is every day since we became parents! Is this normal? Btw, we have a good relationship with his parents, we don't miss birthdays or other events. But the way I think, he is now a father as well and it should come from him wanting to spend the day with us, at least giving me a clue of his expectations so I could make it more appealing spending the day with us that going for lunch at his parents! Tomorrow I am out all afternoon with our daughter, can't he go around his parents rather than doing it Sunday?! I just don't get it!

OP posts:
Octonaut4Life · 13/06/2025 22:36

So your partner has communicated to you that he would like you to arrange something for father's day. You refused to tell him if you had anything planned and then got annoyed that he arranged to see his dad? Sorry but the communication issues sound like they're all on your side.

mynameiscalypso · 13/06/2025 22:39

Have you arranged anything?

Magicunicornpower · 13/06/2025 22:51

Octonaut4Life · 13/06/2025 22:36

So your partner has communicated to you that he would like you to arrange something for father's day. You refused to tell him if you had anything planned and then got annoyed that he arranged to see his dad? Sorry but the communication issues sound like they're all on your side.

I said, I didn't give much away... He knows there's a family plan... Still he didn't even asked me first about being available to go to his dad in the afternoon.

OP posts:
Endofyear · 13/06/2025 22:51

Sounds like poor communication to be honest 🙁 when he asked what you had planned, wasn't that a good time to say - I'd love to spend the day together as a family, what would you like to do? Is there any activity you'd like me to book?

You left him feeling like nothing was planned so he's decided to spend the day with his mum & dad. That's understandable.

Ablondiebutagoody · 13/06/2025 22:52

Lunch with his Dad sounds like a lovely thing to do

Magicunicornpower · 13/06/2025 23:05

Endofyear · 13/06/2025 22:51

Sounds like poor communication to be honest 🙁 when he asked what you had planned, wasn't that a good time to say - I'd love to spend the day together as a family, what would you like to do? Is there any activity you'd like me to book?

You left him feeling like nothing was planned so he's decided to spend the day with his mum & dad. That's understandable.

I can see that now, that you mentioned. But we had that conversation last year after this same thing happened. So I never thought he would do it again, without notice. He saw I was upset for not doing anything just us last year. And this year yes I have a plan but nothing involving reservations for lunch or anything like that, just presents and because of good weather take the kayaks out. We've been working non stop, including weekends lately... I think we need a bit of down time as a family

OP posts:
Dramatic · 13/06/2025 23:08

I'm confused, does he plan anything for you for mother's day?

Magicunicornpower · 13/06/2025 23:19

Dramatic · 13/06/2025 23:08

I'm confused, does he plan anything for you for mother's day?

No. I wrote about it. He gives me flowers and a card. I don't make any fuss either. He sees his mum and comes back to make lunch for us. This year just happened there was a kid's B party and there was no family lunch.

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