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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it’s nonsense that mums should be closer to sons and dads to daughters?

24 replies

SnugShaker · 13/06/2025 19:06

I was talking to someone who said it’s odd for a woman to be close to her mum because “mums and sons are meant to be close, and dads and daughters are meant to be close.” I think that’s complete nonsense. Surely, the bond you have with a parent depends on personality, shared experiences and emotional connection, not some outdated idea of how families ‘should’ work. AIBU to think this whole idea is just a stereotype?

OP posts:
SarfLondonLad · 13/06/2025 19:09

Quite possibly, but in my experience (including our own DCs) sons are closer to their mothers and daughters to their fathers.

I don't say it's universal (my DW was most certainly not close to her DF), but I believe it to be so in the majority of cases.

Sherararara · 13/06/2025 19:13

Never heard that. If anything would have said it would be the opposite - but it’s all rubbish. Each can be close but in different ways, so you get the best of both worlds.

Endofyear · 13/06/2025 19:34

I was definitely closer to my dad - I love my mum but she is a very different person to me and frequently exasperates me! I was a daddy's girl from very small. I don't necessarily think that's 'the norm' though, I have friends who are very close to their mums. My own sons were probably closer to me when they were little as DH worked away a lot. Now they are adults, I would say they are close to us both.

Sofiewoo · 13/06/2025 19:37

I’ve never heard anyone who thinks this nor have I seen this play out in reality.

PermanentTemporary · 13/06/2025 19:39

It's so far from the way it works in my family, but I can see that if you make a family believing this to be the case, it's going to affect how the couple approach parenting from the moment a woman knows she's pregnant, and lo - that's the outcome. It only matters where children lose out on something the 'wrong' parent could support in them.

DontTouchRoach · 13/06/2025 20:08

I’ve never heard anyone say this. I’m a lot more like my dad in personality than my mum but I wouldn’t say I get on better with one than the other.

WhereHasMyPlanetGone · 13/06/2025 20:12

Not something I’ve ever really encountered to be honest. I find most women are closer to their mums than their dads.

Hallywally · 13/06/2025 20:20

I think it depends a lot more on family dynamic and relationships and it is possible to be close to both parents.

Zanatdy · 13/06/2025 20:32

In my family, I was closer to my dad, and I guess my DB closer to my mum. As i’ve got older, my mum was the one I chatted to on the phone, my dad I saw when I visited. I noticed when I was a teen that my dad struggled when I became a teen, at times he would pick me up from a friends house (i was around 14) and i’d get in the car and he wouldn’t say a word. Not even a hello. When I got into trouble for underage drinking, I raised this and so then my dad always said hello, and asked a couple of questions. As the years went by, I felt we became closer again. The days of car silence were long gone. He would do anything for me, he was known as our taxi driver, even when my friends and I were in our late 30’s! RIP to my dad.

With my own kids, i’d say my son is closer to his dad, largely due to sports. I am very close to my oldest adult son, largely as he had no father in his life.

XelaM · 13/06/2025 20:38

I'm definitely closer to my dad and my brother to my mum.

My mum was also always closer to her dad than her mum and my uncle was very close to my grandmother.

It's also true for many families I know - that the girl is "daddy's girl" and the boy is "mummy's boy".

redskydelight · 13/06/2025 20:40

I normally see trotted out on MN that mothers are closer to their daughters than they are to their sons.

I agree this is as equally untrue, and it entirely depends on individual circumstances.

yakkity · 13/06/2025 20:40

SarfLondonLad · 13/06/2025 19:09

Quite possibly, but in my experience (including our own DCs) sons are closer to their mothers and daughters to their fathers.

I don't say it's universal (my DW was most certainly not close to her DF), but I believe it to be so in the majority of cases.

I know loads of women who are incredibly close to their mums. They go shopping with them and bond over the grandkids etc. more so then men.

Butchyrestingface · 13/06/2025 20:40

I was a mama's girl from day 1. I was told I wouldn't even let my father lift me out of the cot in the morning or feed me and waved him off.

Of course, he was a bit of a fanny so that may have something to do with it.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 13/06/2025 20:42

Meh. I was closer to my mum and dd is closer to me.

My DH was also closer to his mum, I think.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 13/06/2025 20:43

yakkity · 13/06/2025 20:40

I know loads of women who are incredibly close to their mums. They go shopping with them and bond over the grandkids etc. more so then men.

Show quote history

I agree.

TwoTierBbq · 13/06/2025 20:46

In my personal anecdota I've found it to be true my own parents, family, large lots of uncles and aunts and friend's etc.

I think I read once it's because parents hold to account the sane sex more but are slightly in awe of the opp sex

Sonolanona · 13/06/2025 23:27

I have four adult children.
DD1... (lives 200 miles away) rings every other night for a long chat. But texts DH (he doesn't do calls :D ) I'd say she is equally close with us both.

DD2... lives 5 mins away and I look after the grandchildren. We are incredibly close because of the grandchildren , and she adores DH .

DS1... texts DH , never me... but rings me every month from the other side of the world, and until he left to marry his Aussie he was definitely my boy... we have similar interests and he worked with me too.

DS2 is autistic and we have no idea ... he's just him and we love him :)

I think personality is the key, and also ages and stages... there were times during the teen years when DD1 and dh hated the sight of each other, and DS1 hated me! But as adults it all feels pretty equal bond wise!

retiredpickme · 13/06/2025 23:34

I don’t think it’s true either way, all families are different and it’s very subjective.

SleepingStandingUp · 13/06/2025 23:36

Ha. Tell that to all the women who don't want boys / have major gender disappointment because they desperately want adult children they're close to and boys go off and abandon their mothers for evil wives who only want to see their own mothers

Disturbia81 · 13/06/2025 23:36

It’s totally random. I know SO many women who are very close to their mums and men to their dads. It’s a personality vibe thing.

ColinOfficeTrolley · 13/06/2025 23:37

Absolute rubbish. DD 16 has a fantastic relationship with DH, but we are definitely closer.

I am 1 of 5 and my dad was very emotionally distant and my sisters and 1 brother are ALL closer to my mum.

DH is very close with his dad and brother and sister is close to both parents.

There is no hard and fast rule. It all depends on the parents personality and the way they bring their kids up.

Dinosweetpea · 13/06/2025 23:41

I'm definitely closer to my mum.amd my DBs are closer to our dad. I have 2 DDs and they adore their dad but would turn to me first.

retiredpickme · 13/06/2025 23:42

I think sometimes even practical factors come into it. Eg my great aunt had one of each, son lived round the corner and had his own children. Daughter moved abroad and never had kids. So those factors influenced how often and how involved she was with her children rather than it being specially to do with gender.

cherish123 · 14/06/2025 00:01

It is actually often the case but I guess there are exceptions.

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