People around me making me feel bad for putting kids into nursery to work

[Cokefirst]

I’m 29 with 15 month old boys.
DH works FT but even then due to the huge paycut from when I stopped working we just about get by.
I want to return to work as soon as my boys turn 2, but when I tell friends or extended family they put me down for wanting to enroll the kids into nursery 2 days a week.

My plan is to work 2 days a week, then I’ll be able to help with the household bills and save some money too. I will also have more spending money for the boys and myself. My job is self employed and for 2 days a week I’ll be getting good pay (around £200 a day).

They say I should stay home until the kids start primary school, and just make side comments about how nurseries are bad.

I usually just keep quiet but not sure if I am doing the right thing for my family.

“They”

who?

I mean op, they’re 15 months and you’re doing part time, surely you just chuckle at anyone saying this. Weird

Tell them if they're not volunteering to look after them or pay you a wage they can fuck off and shut up about it.

Do what's best for you and your family op.

Tell them to fuck off and mind their own business OP. They’re being ridiculous.

Is your social circle entirely compromised of multi millionaires who are fully set for life with no need for an income?

Who are these people who say you shouldn't work?
Most mothers these days work outside the home.
You should do whatever feels right to you

Do your friends live in the real world? Because over 70% of women return to work after maternity leave and most of them will be using nurseries or a childminder.

How very old fashioned of them .. take no notice, you're doing it to give them a great life and they'll probably love nursery.

This about sums it up.

You're doing what's right for you and your family. You don't need to listen to judgemental fools

Not only is it none of their business but toddler and above in nursery a few days a week is good for them

but hey - let other people tell you not to do the right thing bh your family

You need new friends...

Why do you care what they think op?

Loads of parents (let’s say parents rather than just mothers, as it’s not just the woman’s responsibility) choose paid childcare when they go back to work. It’s a perfectly legitimate and socially recognised service industry.

Jeez just two days a week at 2 and people are criticising!? That's a great balance for them.

If it helps, I think some ppl just have to critique. I took an extra year off after having my son and we moved miles from where we lived and all our friends to be able to avoid crippling nursery fees after we spent half our savings on ivf. It's an entirely self funded year off, claiming nothing. We're renting cheaply as this isn't a high cost of living area and can live on my husbands not huge salary and I freelance in the evenings when I have a commission.

Despite this people in my family STILL criticise that I'm not working, or that he should be in nursery, when are we moving back/or nearer them even (not lived near family for 20 yrs), sick of hearing got a job yet? When I've been working since I left uni and I left my dream job to do this as we'd have spend our remaining savings on nursery fees and so never buy a property. It's been so hard to have a newborn far from everything we've known for 20 years, and yet ppl still have something to say! We lived in London and weren't high earners so had to do something to preserve our remaining savings, and bonus is I get more time with my lad, but the comments from family have been such a surprise to us.

Tell them all to butt out and wind their necks in op, you've got a great thing going where your boys just need two days of childcare.

Sort of thread I’d imagine on mumsnet in late eighties and nineties

not today. Op you know it and we know it…. The “they” in this scenario is talking out of their arse and you shouldn’t have anything to do with them.

However what I suspect is they’re a close family member and you’re very enmeshed with him, probably holiday with them and live around the corner from them. As often seems to be case on mumsnet

Sure but while the absolute primary reason is to earn money (cause people don’t work for free!) I know a lot of people who work because they want to and choose to. I was bored stiff at home and hope I am showing my children a good example of a strong Independant woman at work.

And nobody every says to a man ‘I can’t believe you are putting your kids into nursery and going into work’.

Your child, your finances, your preference, your life.

No one else’s opinion on this situation matters apart from you and your partners.

You could stay at home and not work and still send your child to nursery if that’s what you wanted.

Nursery especially part time at that age is hugely beneficial to the children. They will absolutely love it. Ignore the people making you feel bad.

I think your plan sounds great! Nursery can actually be great for a lot of kids, and can help them prepare for school. They get to do a lot of activities that you might not even have thought of! Plus I was very happy to let nursery handle all the messy play 😊

Tell your so-called friends the same reply on repeat.

"Oh I didn't need advice, thanks."
"I didn't need advice."
"Cheryl, I don't need advice."

Etc

You need to learn to not let the opinions of others bother you. You are doing what feels right for you and your family. Why does it matter what anyone else thinks? If your family are not supportive, maybe tell them less about your life!

Are all the mums you know stay-at-home parents?

Well obviously it’s none of their business so, depending on who they are, I’d be telling them that or smile politely and tell them that it works for you as a family. Nursery will be good for the boys. Are you seriously meant to keep them at home until school?

That said, quite unusual stance these days. Working only 2 days a week is fairly unusual in my circles. Most women I know work 3-5 days.

I always think nurses full time should be a last resort but personally two days a week sounds perfect

Where do you live OP? This attitude seems very unusual in the UK in 2025, where most parents have to continue to work.

I have three pre-schoolers and am currently on mat leave, so have spent a lottt of the last four years with parents of young children. I only know one SAHP. Every single other person has returned to work after parental leave, either because they want to or because they need to! In my experience, it’s quite unusual (though fantastic!) that you’ve managed to be off for two years - though appreciate it must be even harder to make work financially viable in the short term when you have to factor in childcare for twins.

I’d love to stay off work until my youngest is three or four, but it’s not possible in my career and I don’t want/cant afford to stop in the longer term.

Ignore the unwanted opinions.

OP, I had my DC in 2000 and 2008. Hardly anyone I know stayed home full time with DC over 8 months. I worked 0.6 of contract so usually 3 days. That worked well for us. My two both loved nursery.

Is there a cultural issue here, OP? Are you in the UK?

It's very common for mothers to work in the UK and has been for a long time.