I struggle with getting out the house/mental health. I have a few family members that don't leave the house and a sister that didn't for 7 years. Mental health seems to run in family but I've always thought i was doing well...
My partner switched jobs a few times and ended up without a car so he has mine to go back and forth to his new job which are 12hr shifts 4 of 4 off. My mom also doesn't get out now as she relied in me when we could, she hardly leaves the house now too.
I currently work from home full time it suited us as our son went to school up the road saving childcare costs etc but I'm going to need to go out and find a new job soon...
We keep getting left without a car for a month at a time and we have managed for 6 months borrowing when we necessary mostly for our sons clubs and hospital/dentist etc. I'm struggling alot more, getting depressed and trouble breathing when I try and leave house and breaking down. Im starting to revert back to where I can't walk up to shop on my own.
When I was younger I got alot better when I finally got freedom with a car. I found it easier and my confidence built going new places. Im scared I know I'm getting worse.
My partner agreed after my mil noticed I'm not doing very well when she took me out one day.. she said we needed a family car. She said she would lend us money and could pay her back as and when. I was looking for up to £10k we have some savings too.. he said nothing was good enough, makes that were not reliable enough.
We narrowed it down to a range which went up to £15k which we were about to get then he saw the newer shapes same year £20k and he wouldn't look at the older style then. £20k would be ok but It would use our savings and borrowing more but he wouldn't look at the older shape now.
He took me out and we went on test drives and got ready to purchase. I was scared about the money side. We were all set to purchase and he said something wasn't right and it needed something doing, I felt a bit relieved that we hadn't spent that much yet so took it as a sign. He said he felt relieved and we are a team and he was pleased we didn't get ourselves into it. I said can we revisit the older shape or cheaper cars and he said no.. he feels better if the moneys in savings and wants more holidays not to pay extra bills... Now he's angry at me for getting upset. I havent had a go at him, I just felt like a lost a bit of hope.
For couple of years before all of this when he had a company car he's told me I can't take mine on motorway to visit my aunt, if can't go seaside, i can't visit my brother....(all 2-3hrs away in car) if the engine blows it's my fault.. he said its got a water leak. I asked If we could sort it he said no costs too much £1k he can do himself but it was too much work... I even said I'd stop half way.. an hour and check it... and he said he wouldn't help me if it went wrong. All I heard is you can't go there you can't do that. I used to have so much confidence now I'm always doubting myself...
He wont take me as doesn't want to "waste his weekends". He has took me in past to family things but he sulks.. he wont put on a fake smile for me and its embarrassing when you can see he doesn't want to be there. I went for a wedding on the train once when i was still doing ok but prices are around £175 each way and i cant justify that. When l have the car/time I feel abliged to spend it as a family with our son so I don't go anywhere for myself.
Today he said he will have to walk to work and i can have my f*cking car back.. in a way to make me feel guilty... which is silly thing as it wouldn't happen anyway.. He does unsociable hours and a dangerous job! He comes home shattered but he does get 4 days off where he has the freedom of going gym, out drinking/shopping while im at work and sons at school.. It also doesn't solve problem of him telling me it's not good enough to go distances. Its overheated locally!
For my sons birthday we got a theme park pass, I thought great! Its not too far I can practice going with just my son building confidence just him and me some weekends, I will feel good getting out! My husband doesn't like going and again we planned on the car.
He earns alot more than me now we have a joint account but I always feel guilty so I buy alot out of my seperate one. We give ourselves some each month.. I was left some money when I lost a family member but I used that for a new roof and fixing house. We have some left but it's classed as ours and I couldn't spend it without discussing.. problem is I'm not allowed to discuss it now..
I understand he just wants more money in the bank each month but i feel like im missing out all the time.. i cant wait a year to have 1 holiday and spend the rest stuck...
My family's all over the place now and I feel alone most of the time. I know it's an extra cost but I feel trapped. AIBU