Manager shared customers comment about my weight in front of colleagues

[Aroundtheworld25]

I work in a public facing role - think customers but not traditionally of the buying items off the shelves sort.

At our daily morning team meeting yesterday our manager shared some feedback from a customer in which she referred to a ‘plumper lady’. Now of my three other female colleagues - one wasn’t in, and the other two are thin barely 20yo women so it clearly wasn’t them.

Why my manager decided she’d include that detail is beyond me. We have a decent relationship so I did say to her privately after that I didn’t feel it was necessary. She pretty much laughed it off and as she knows I’m trying hard to shift weight, said something about how I could use it as motivation so next time there’s feedback I’m called a ‘slender hottie’ or something like that.

I am off today but it’s still playing on my mind.

That’s absolutely appalling of your manager and the customer quite frankly, who I’m sure could have found another identifying descriptor other than referring to your weight.

She's rude. I hope someone describes her via a negative feature so you can pass it on to her and laugh it off.

That is so mean. It is very disappointing when someone you otherwise liked behaves like this.

Not only that, how dare she suggest that you use a customers comment as motivation - what an awful woman

Atrocious treatment and doubled down on by her flippancy.

That's really terrible. What an awful woman.

How unkind of her. I would have left out the ‘plump’ bit without even having to think about it. And then she laughed when you mentioned it? She sounds like a terrible manager.

I'm assuming the customer described you as that, and didn't know your name to use it? It's unfortunate but customers will often go for the most obvious identifier when sharing feedback. Not uncommon to hear 'the black chap' or 'the Asian lady' or 'she was really tall and slim' or 'the guy that's quite broad' or whatever. They're not doing it maliciously, it's just a way of picking up on a factor that makes you different from the others to make it clear who they are talking about.

Re your manager sharing it, it's tricky because if they left that out, would they have to fabricate the identifier the customer used? As how would you all know who it was about when she's reading it out? It would be pretty odd to read out customer feedback and leave out the thing that makes it clear who it's for.

So gently, YABU. If it's normal to publicly read out feedback. If it isn't and your manager has chosen this one occasion to read out feedback to everyone than YANBU.

18 per cent think you are being unreasonable? Wow.

But YANBU to be upset by her response. A leader should show empathy and concern and at least apologise and say they will be more thoughtful next time.

No, she didn't have to use the exact descriptor at all.

One of them will be along to say “well, are you plumpish?” In a moment.

Don't you just know it!

I don't mind my weight being used, as opposed to my age. I was holding clothes for my DD in New Look and a teen girl said to her mate "the size of her to be wearing that", I liked that she didn't say age, being nearly 60. I can change my size. Would it have been likely that if she'd have said it was you, a team member would have asked how she knew that and then she'd have had to say because you are the plump one?

I had a client refer to a colleague as “the bigger girl”. I wouldn’t repeat it, it’s hurtful

I don't think the customer was rude if that is the identifier they could find to identify you. Like another poster said, people often use the most obvious characteristic to identify or to remember people, especially when they don't know your name or anything else about you. I also believe the word 'plump' is actually a polite descriptive term rather than using 'fat', which is very rude. The fact they used the former makes me believe the customer was actually very polite, and within the context (which is important) of which it was applied.

Your manager was stupid. She knew who the customer was referring to, there was no need to communicate to OP that a customer thought she was plump (not that the word in itself is offensive but because she already knew OP was sensitive about her weight plus it was just unnecessary)., it was completely out of the context in which the conversation was held and the manger has further confirmed there stupidity by telling @OP it could motivate her, how very condescending.

The manager sounds like a right shitearse.

It will be hard to look at your manager in the same way again. Well done for raising it; her reaction was v poor. Ofc there was no need for her to repeat the descriptor. And how patronising to mention motivation. Ugh.

I would not let this go. Your manager is being unkind and unprofessional. Do you have an HR department? I would put in a formal complaint. This is not the way to provide feedback or indeed promote team building.

Thanks all, my issue isn’t with the customer - I’m sure they never intended for it to be repeated to me.

🫂 🤗

Totally out of order on her part.
Is there any way you can submit some "anonymous" feedback, visible to all colleagues, referring to a "mutton dressed as lamb" manager? 🤔😉😀 Just an idea 🤔

😆 🤣

Absolutely awful behaviour from your manager. I definitely report it to HR. She should at least apologised profusely when you told her how her comment in front of everyone made you feel. I would be mortified if I was her.

I just think your manager was trying to point out the feedback was about you?

ultimately if the ‘customer’ thought you were plump. - that’s their opinion (it’s all relative)