Aibu to feel so bloody sad?

[Flanger]

Tomorrow I am getting the coil fitted. I am 33 years old and a month ago I found out I have a dominant gene that causes cancer. I have stage 3 cancer already. I have a 50% chance of passing on my cancery gene to every child we have, so ivf is our only option. The waiting list for ivf is 2 years and the genetics department have advised going on contraception to stop any unscreened out pregnancies. When we do ivf (if we do IVF) we will screen every embryo and make sure they do not have this gene.

An unplanned pregnancy would require a termination really. As I have li fraumeni syndrome and it carries a 90% risk of cancer. Breast cancer, sarcoma, glioblastoma, leukaemia and lymphoma being the main ones.

im just so sad and so upset that we were trying for a baby and had had 3 miscarriages before I was diagnosed with cancer, then the genetic test just came out of the blue and turned our entire world upside down.

Ive told some people for support and a lot of the comments are ‘well having a baby is very tiring you can always have lie ins now’ 🙄 I don’t want lie ins. I want my life to be as normal as we thought it was a month ago!

There's not a cliche or a "well at least...." in the land that will make you feel better, those are all about the other person.

It's just shit.

It's OK for people to just say that without trying to 'fix' it somehow.

You have every right to feel sad, life is just not fair sometimes, and I'm sorry for everything you're going through 💐

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You are not being unreasonable, you’re grieving for the life you thought you’d have so it’s completely normal to be sad, sometimes angry etc, any and all emotions.

To the people that make stupid comments like “now you get a lie in”, reply how you think is best for you but I really think some people need to be educated and you’re completely within your right to say “actually this is a really difficult process and that comment doesn’t help”.

I really hope it all works out for you and for what it’s worth the fact you’ve gone through so much already, and made the huge sacrifice of “natural” conception for the sake of your future children’s health, tells me already that you’ll be a fantastic mum.

You are absolutely not unreasonable to be sad. This is really shit, and deeply unfair, and I'm so sorry you're going through it.

I wonder whether any of the cancer charities like Macmillan have a support group for people in your position?

Ugh thank you. Now I’m emotional. What I want to say to the people who told me to ‘look on the bright side’ is ‘fuck off’ but I’ve just left them on read. I know it’s the right decision to go for the coil but oh my word I wish it wasn’t. I really hope it doesn’t hurt!!

oh OP i’m so sorry 😞 you have every right to be upset. take time to grieve. look after yourself x this is very unfair x

OP, of course you've every right to be sad. Like mourning for something.

I'm so sorry. What a horrible unfair shitty thing for you to deal with. X

I think you would be well within your rights to tell them to fuck off! People say some stupid things sometimes. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It absolutely sucks.

Re. the coil, I've had one fitted and it wasn't bad at all. I tend to feel a lot in my reproductive organs(!) - though I'll say this, if it's uncomfortable to the point that you want them to stop, you can absolutely do that and rebook for a time when you will be more comfy, ie when ovulating, if that's predictable for you. I just had a smear around ov and it was truly painless, not even uncomfortable.

I'm so sorry this is all coming at you at once. As a PP said, trying to shoehorn you into a brightside mindset is insensitive and not about you, at all.

I had it fitted last week and it was uncomfortable but not painful. Some cramping afterwards. I took ibuprofen for a day and a half and I was okay after that. Best of luck.

The coil hurts especially when it’s taken out. Can you not get something else instead?

Sorry Flanger, when life is the pits it’s normal to grieve. 💐

You poor love, what a dreadful thing for you to be dealing with 😢 you have every right to feel sad and angry, life is bloody unfair! Allow yourself to feel what you feel, cry and rage if you need to. It's a lot to come to terms with. Look after yourself lovely 💐

Hugs op, take care of yourself and hope everything starts getting easier x

Sad?

I think I would be raging at the world, ugly crying and throwing things.

No one can tell you how you feel OP and you are in a situation I would not wish on my worst enemy.

I'm so sorry there is nothing I can do or say to make this better. Please look after yourself and I hope in a couple of years you are back here with a baby on your knee.

I'm so sorry to hear this OP. Take time to yourself, look after yourself and good luck if you do go for IVF. You will make a fantastic mum x

No it doesnt.
Im so sorry OP, tell people f off if that helps.
I cant imagine how difficult this is for you, I am very sorry. Life can be v cruel and unfair.

Hurt me going in and out

Which is not the same as "it hurts".
It didnt hurt me, either way, any of the 3 times i got it.