Dodgy texts on husbands phone - please help

[SunJess]

I’ve got cheating suspicions of DH and looked at his phone as a result. I didn’t find what I was looking for (messages from a specific woman) but I did find what appeared to be dodgy messages from an unsaved number earlier this year. He has deleted his texts so I don’t know what he sent. I don’t know why he’s not deleted their messages either, I assume because he doesn’t think I would have ever looked.

I took a photo and have written out what it says:

Price list

Massage 80 / 130
FS 110 / 180

EXTRA’s

HE massage +20
FS C twice +20

There was then a separate message which said:

’No, SO not included, +40 must b clean’

I realise this is obviously a massage parlour, but haven’t a clue about the other abbreviations (other than HE probably being happy ending). Does anyone have an idea? I want to be able to confront DH factually as I know he will try and explain this away.

@SunJess you don't need hard evidence.

You have messages where your husband is querying sex from another person. This is 100% cheating even if he doesn't go through with it. The intent was there.

He is dishonest and seeking sex outwith the relationship. That's all the facts.

Get your ducks in order and go. You've the rest of your life to live and you will meet someone else who doesn't think you are "vanilla" and use that as an excuse to lie and cheat.

What a plonker! Men who lie and cheat do not love their wives.

Sorry, OP, this is a list used for erotic massage / prostitute services.

As these are illegal, theres no guarantee that any activity has been "safe" either and you could already have or be at risk of catching an STI. Even with condom use, you can catch some STIs like herpes, HPV etc.

I am glad you took the photo. Keep it, its evidence. You should save it in a safe place on your phone and also email it to yourself and change the lock on your own phone, so he cant delete it.

Before you confront him, you need to think of a plan.

Will you ask him to leave, or will you leave?
Is there anyone you can call who can support to ensure he leaves the home etc?
If you have joint bank accounts, move what is YOURS into your own account just before confrontation.
If he has access to any of your bank accounts, ensure these are revoked.
If you have kids, have an ideal plan in your head for access/co parenting.

Once logistics are in place, you need to get him out of the house, or alternatively, if you want to leave, you need to get to somewhere else (personally I would be kicking his ass out, but it depends who is listed as owner/tenant).

You may need a day or two off work to sort out logistics and seek legal advice.

Dont go easy on him. Absolute dirty horrible man. Take him to the cleaners.

Dont listen to his woes or crying or pleading. Just get him out, and get an STI test booked in ASAP for piece of mind.

Oh OP. That’s so grim. I’m sorry.

FS is full sex. C is condom. SO is strap on, I think (thanks Vice / Urban Dictionary). So your DH likes getting pegged it seems. LTB.

I didn’t intend to do this tonight but I confronted DH. He had a go at me about something after work and it escalated from there. He has outright denied doing anything and said that he received a string of dodgy messages a few months ago and thinks his number must have been posted somewhere. He said he deleted all of the messages but must have forgot those ones.

He opened his banking app in front of me and handed me his phone to check for cash withdrawals. There was nothing at all on there for months, going back to last year and really tiny amounts (one or twice).

My friend thinks I need to go back through his phone but surely he will have deleted anything else dodgy on there now.

Does it really matter?

He sounds grim.

If/when you do confront him hell tell you he was just curious. He didnt follow it up didnt plan on fallowing up. Because without exception that's the line they all use.

Yeah, because sex workers are totally in the habit of cold calling random numbers to supply a price list for select services...

Another bank account you don't know about, payments called one thing but really another, has a source of cash you don't know about... all sorts of ways to make his phone/online banking look clean if he wants to do that.

If theres other reasons this relationship is dead, then don't let doubt over this stop you.

I call bullshit.

I have about 3 bank accounts I could use to do this.

And no prostitute has never cold called me/sent unsoliticed texts like this.

So sorry OP, how terrible, and absolutely disgusting.

He clearly lying to you because the other person's second message is a response to a question he's asked.

The second message that begins ‘No, SO not included’ is an answer to a question, not an unsolicited message. He’s lying to you.

Also, massage parlours don’t send out marketing emails on spec to random numbers that ‘got posted somewhere’. That’s not how it works.

As for the lack of funds leaving his bank account, it’s perfectly possible that he has another account he hasn’t told you about. It’s also possible he’s made enquiries but then didn’t go ahead with it. But he has definitely been actively looking for the services of sex workers.

Could he have a separate banking account? I’d seriously be questioning the longevity of your relationship here. If you ever needed a sign to leave - this is definitely it.

He is purposely starting to fights to take any potential heat off him and to lay blame on you, make you question yourself etc

People do NOT send random texts like this (including messages that look like replies).

How old is your DP? Why would anyone post his number anywhere? Its like something 13 year old kids do at high school.

And yes, he will have deleted the evidence now from his phone.

Lots of people will also withdraw in smaller transactions to not raise any suspicions in their bank accounts. It doesnt mean money hasn't been put aside and combined at a later date.

Surely look at his phone bill relating to that month. You’ll know if there are texts to that number.

Op hes lying. Please stick to your guns. He really does not deserve any leeway. It’s total BS. They’ve answered a question!!! Why do that if there’s not been any engagement?? It’s actually good that happened, as he might have been able to convince you otherwise…there’s been clear back and forth, clear ‘line of enquiry’. Dump his ass.

Sorry OP. He is clearly lying. If it was spam then he would’ve either shown you at the time or deleted them. They are real messages with a reply.