Mum makes me feel guilty

[Kerkyra2024]

My mum has a habit of making me feel guilty about a lot of things if I make any sort of plans. For example if I arrange to meet up with a friend and don't tell her till the night before or the morning of she will get sulky and stroppy saying it's very last minute even sometimes making me feel bad enough that I have on occasion ended up having to cancel only for her to then turn round and force me to uncancel again. Yet if I tell her when the plans are made (usually a week or so in advance) she says I don't need to ask permission (she also seems to conveniently forget right before often too). I have a tattoo appointment tomorrow and am staying with my boyfriend to get to the appointment on time without rushing and catching a bus so we have some time together before he goes to work (he finishes at 10pm) and she's made me feel bad about doing that. I am 33 years old for reference

Do you live with her? Or are you relying on her for childcare?

Do you live with your mum? If not I can’t see any reasons why your social plans have anything to do with her at all.

If yes to either of above, you need to move out or find alternative childcare and problem solved.

Stop telling her your plans.

I am currently living with her, my niece and my brother (who is sleeping on sofa as only got 3 bedroom house) and on days my brother is not working I very often am trapped in my room as he makes it very uncomfortable to be in living room he sleeps on sofa all day and will complain and glare at any noise made. I have to work myself up to getting changed to take the dogs out as he shouts at them for getting excited

Hi you an adult. Our mam controlling but I learnt dont tell them so much. Im 50s. She still tries to control us!

Is there any prospect of you moving out? If not you'll have to train yourself to ignore her comments. Even though you live with her you don't have to tell her your plans (unless they directly impact her). You'll have to brazen it out through the awkwardness until it starts to feel natural not to share everything with her.

Me and my boyfriend have been on the council rent list for 3 years we've recently started looking at private as well to try speeding things along as we just want to get a place together (his current place is fine for a couple of nights staying over but is absolutely tiny to the point he barely has room for his own things). My mum was NOT happy when we started looking and has regularly made comments about how she won't be able to book holidays or anything any more as my money pays towards her ticket

Get out asap.

We have a viewing coming up for a place soon so hopefully we will get that.

Just move out

You're 33 years old! Move out and you won't need to tell your mother what you're doing!

Any chance you can temporarily move in with your boyfriend? Or look for a room to rent together in a shared house?

Your mum is being emotionally manipulative and you need to move out ASAP.

The mum has two fully adult children and her niece living with her. I think she’s the one who’s being manipulated

What age is the mother? God she sounds quite controlling ...