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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Poorly dad and poorly dog

43 replies

CatsangDogs · 12/06/2025 08:19

Hi, I'm just posting in the hope of some constructive ideas and hopefully no criticism dad vs dog. I just found out my dad 86 has cancer and due to the cancer being in 2 places and his age they can't offer any treatment. I also have my beloved dog who is 16 and having lots of accidents but more so is used to me being in the house all the time, she has for the past 5/6 months followed me even if I just get up to go in the kitchen, the loo, putting washing out just basically everywhere. She hasn't been too well lately and the thought of leaving her home alone is bloody awful. For a little bit of context to get to my dads as I have to use public transport is an hour and a half there and an hour and a half back, possibly longer if any delays. I then obviously want to spend time sitting with dad for a few hours which makes for a really long day fro the dog I can't take her with me as she has trouble walking now. I don't know neighbours as new to area, I'm on benefits so getting taxis or a dog sitter isn't in my budget. Please if your thinking it's my dad and my dog is just a dog just keep it to yourself, believe me this is already breaking my heart in two I guess I'm just hoping and praying someone will have any ideas, I'm open to anything. Please don't think badly of me I'm just in an awful position. Thanks in advance for any help.

OP posts:
CoubousAndTourmalet · 12/06/2025 08:51

SussexLass87 · 12/06/2025 08:50

Sorry if it's already been mentioned but could you try Borrow My Doggy?

https://www.borrowmydoggy.com/

It's free, and there might be someone on there who would happily sit and have cuddles with an older dog whilst you're out taking care of your Dad.

I recently saw on my local Facebook Noticeboard someone who was going into hospital, they were new to the area and didn't know what to do with their dog - people were really keen to help and he found several people who were very happy to look after the dog.

I'm so sorry about the tricky situation you're in OP.

Sorry, but no, not for an elderly poorly dog that needs TLC. She needs familiarity.

Original poster
CatsangDogs · 12/06/2025 08:52

Hey @heidyho yes the vet said she has known patterdales live till 17/18 and otherwise her other checks were ok. Carers may have to be an option, I have asked for the nurse from the bladder clinic to give me a ring today, maybe they know places to go to for support x

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Original poster
CatsangDogs · 12/06/2025 08:55

Thank you @SussexLass87

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Original poster
CatsangDogs · 12/06/2025 08:56

Thank you @caramac04 I feel bloody awful

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dollyblue01 · 12/06/2025 08:58

Hope you find a solution, sounds tough on you atm Flowers

Original poster
CatsangDogs · 12/06/2025 08:59

Thank you @dollyblue01 yep feeling pretty unbearable.

OP posts:
Nicaveron · 12/06/2025 09:22

CatsangDogs · 12/06/2025 08:19

Hi, I'm just posting in the hope of some constructive ideas and hopefully no criticism dad vs dog. I just found out my dad 86 has cancer and due to the cancer being in 2 places and his age they can't offer any treatment. I also have my beloved dog who is 16 and having lots of accidents but more so is used to me being in the house all the time, she has for the past 5/6 months followed me even if I just get up to go in the kitchen, the loo, putting washing out just basically everywhere. She hasn't been too well lately and the thought of leaving her home alone is bloody awful. For a little bit of context to get to my dads as I have to use public transport is an hour and a half there and an hour and a half back, possibly longer if any delays. I then obviously want to spend time sitting with dad for a few hours which makes for a really long day fro the dog I can't take her with me as she has trouble walking now. I don't know neighbours as new to area, I'm on benefits so getting taxis or a dog sitter isn't in my budget. Please if your thinking it's my dad and my dog is just a dog just keep it to yourself, believe me this is already breaking my heart in two I guess I'm just hoping and praying someone will have any ideas, I'm open to anything. Please don't think badly of me I'm just in an awful position. Thanks in advance for any help.

Hi
I’m So sorry about your dad. It is a difficult situation for you and not easy to manage.
I wondered if your Dad is claiming all the benefits he is entitled to claim. Please do look at Attendance Allowance for him. This Benefit is NOT means tested. But your dad would need to have some needs like help with personal care, someone helping him with his medication eg overseeing that he is taking it at correct times or maybe sorting it out for him. Also he may be entitled to Pension Credit. Do please look into this as it could really help you and him to pay for some extras.
Take care.

fromthegecko · 12/06/2025 09:23

I was in exactly the same situation, and I moved in with my dad. The dog got used to it surprisingly quickly, and it was much less stressful than going back and forth, and/or being on standby to go over there at short notice. You could ask your son to keep an eye on your house and post etc.

Original poster
CatsangDogs · 12/06/2025 09:32

Thank you @Nicaveron I'm going to look into this as your the second person to mention it. The extra money could come in very handy for travel, still not sure about Molly dog though x

OP posts:
Endofyear · 12/06/2025 09:33

Oh OP, so sorry you're dealing with such a difficult situation 😢 would you be able to bring your dad to stay with you? Or how would he feel about you and the dog moving in with him for a while? Your dog may cope better with the move than you think and will have you there which sounds like the main comfort for her. Sending you a big hug 💐

Original poster
CatsangDogs · 12/06/2025 09:33

Thank you @fromthegecko it may come to that.

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Original poster
CatsangDogs · 12/06/2025 09:35

Thank you @Endofyear I suppose I was just thinking about Molly not settling in but it's worth a try just to find out. x

OP posts:
PaulKnickerless · 12/06/2025 10:07

Please google for carer support organisations in your area. They usually have a helpline and may have some ideas.

Also are there any animal charities like the Cinnamon Trust in your area who might be able to offer some doggy respite?

Can you get a lodger who can help with dog in return for cheap rent?

Sorry this is happening to you x

Original poster
CatsangDogs · 12/06/2025 11:33

Thank you @PaulKnickerless I'mnot sure of any dog charities but I can look into it. Its all quite recent so I haven't looked into everything that may be out there. I'm getting annoyed at myself for feeling upset about it all knowing how bad my dad must be feeling, I feel pretty selfish, tahnks fro your kindness x

OP posts:
rookiemere · 12/06/2025 13:37

I was going to suggest Cinnamon Trust as well, I think it’s generally for elderly folks who are unable to look after their dogs, but as your circumstances are related to an elderly person, they may be able to help.

Balloonhearts · 12/06/2025 13:53

I'd get an old pram off Facebook marketplace and take her with you.

Original poster
CatsangDogs · 12/06/2025 14:41

Thank you @rookiemere its worth looking into x

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Original poster
CatsangDogs · 12/06/2025 14:42

Thank you @Balloonhearts x

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