How to help autistic son meet like minded friends

[CanIpetthatdoge]

I know this probably isn’t the place for this but figured it would get the most visibility.

i have an 8 (nearly 9) year old son. Recently diagnosed with autism, no learning needs and a very bright boy. In old money he probably would’ve been diagnosed as Asperger’s. Has the kinds of needs you would expect, sensory issues, need for structure, big sense of right and wrong etc

He goes to a small school so his pool of friends is quite limited, only about 12 boys across the year. He does have friends and is quite ‘popular’ although it does seem that the other boys have paired off somewhat, eg. If there’s a school trip they pair off into the same pairs on the coach etc.

We do the odd play date although I would say he isn’t that bothered. He doesn’t tend to ask to see other kids when on school holidays apart from one friend he has who goes to a different school. He does a couple of clubs outside of school but not really the places you can get chatting to other kids. He doesn’t want to do any other clubs.

Are there any clubs/resources for kids with asd to meet other kids in the same situation? We are quite new in our autism journey and don’t really know where to look. He’s into gaming and doesnt really have any likeminded friends. We are in the south west, Wiltshire specifically. If anyone could give me any advice that would be great.

Does he actually want friends?

I'm possibly on the spectrum and although I have friends there are times I just want to be alone and that can last a few weeks at a time.

We have a local SEN charity who runs after school groups ones a week, they are split in groups, age wise they go by the split the Scouts do for their sections.

Also, have you tried Scouting, he is the right age for Cubs.

If he's happy not having friends, then honestly I'd respect that. What he needs to learn to process is how to rub along with others in life, but he doesn't necessarily need friendships as such. It's often harder for parents to cope with their child having no friends.

Fwiw, my dd (also 8 and autistic) is very socially motivated, but she cannot cope with friendship groups and has just one very intense friendship. I encourage her to try to make other friends (she is popular but often chooses what is familiar and safe to her) because she's left devastated when she and her friend have an argument. This can be very damaging to her. But the dynamics involved in friendship 'groups' is just not something she copes well with.

We have a lovely local charity too that is for autistic children and their families. The National Autism Society might have a database of such groups. There are also Facebook groups you could ask at, maybe find other families. My son is in bliss at one regular meetup - no pressure to conform, no pressure to small talk or battle through social cues etc.

My autistic son (now 20) met lots of his current friends at scouts/Beavers.

The rest at school and college.

We have a local charity that holds groups but it doesn't suit us.
Groups around her interests suit us and attract like minded kids e.g. music school, chess club etc.
What about a coding club? That's IT and gaming related? Could code his own game.

Came here to say exactly that. 👍

Do you have a board game cafe near you? Our one runs groups to play particular games. Something like dungeons and dragons? That seems very popular with my ND youngsters and their ND friends. He maybe a little bit young for actual D and D but I bet there’s something similar for younger kids.

Did you get any help after the diagnosis? We were referred to local groups though we are lucky in that my similar aged and similar sounding DC is at a bigger school and has a small friendship group. He also doesn't really ask about them over holidays though. Does he have a sibling? Second the coding club idea - that might be a nice way to meet other gamers