To be upset at this comment from nursery worker

[Thisistemporary]

My daughter recently turned 2 and has moved up into the bigger room at her nursery (2-4 year olds). She’s always seemed happy enough at the nursery since she started at 12 months and we were always told that she was doing well. We were also told she was settling in well in the new room.

But yesterday when I went to collect her the room leader said she doesn’t want to play with the other children and is the ‘serious’ one of the group. She repeated that twice.

I was really taken aback because that’s not how we view her at all. When we go to playgrounds she always seeks out the equipment with the most children and will try to chat or copy them. In fact we often end up feeling bad for her because a lot of the kids her own age don’t seem interested in that and will ignore her. The older ones or the ones that do interact she’ll play chase with or just run around laughing. She also loves being with her older cousins.

She can be a bit intense at times when she gets upset but generally snaps out of it quickly and her overall mood is happy. She usually charms passersby or waitresses by being very smiley and waving. Her speech and vocabulary is very good and I don’t have any concerns with that.

I’m worried now that she’s not actually developing as well as I thought or that she’s unhappy at the nursery and that’s affecting how she comes across. I also thought it was really unfair of the nursery worker to ‘other’ her like that and mark her out as different from her peers.

Am I right to be upset or am I overreacting? Should I say something to the manager?

You kind of need your nursery staff to give you some insight on how your child has been interacting at nursery that day.

If they’ve been the serious one in the group, then that’s what you need to hear. If they’ve been the wild one, you need to hear that.

If you use group child care then realistically the day to day routine updates are going to be given with other people around.

You seem to have leapt from some general comments about interactions after a recent move up, to a major development concern. It’s worth taking a pause and thinking whether that reaction is rational. (Hint, it’s probably not).

If you’re concerned about how she’s settling into the new room, arrange a chat.

Agree

She’s just telling you her interpretation of your daughters mood that day, as is her job.

I often pick up my 16 month old DD from nursery and the staff member will say “shes been a total diva today” or “she’s been quiet and cuddly today” or “she’s been happy today” and it’s just to give you an impression of how they’ve been, not to other or exclude or box off your daughter into some category!

I think you’re overreacting and asking for private communications each day after nursery in a busy environment lest other parents hear that your daughter was serious that day is just creating drama for nothing.

She is 2 and suddenly in an new group with new staff and new faces and mostly older children, she will snap out of it and be her normal self before long and the reports will begin to reflect that!

I was agreeing with you until you said she othered her. What do you want her to say 'she's fine, they are all fine, they are all the same at that age really'. Pointing out any traits or behaviour is othering by your standards. Would you rather they didn't notice anything?

As for your concerns, kids tend to be different among older kids. They are often quieter and followers rather than leaders. They seem to be very aware of their younger and smaller status. She is just adjusting. They often have very different personalities at home, i work in this area and we are often surprised at how our experience differs from a parent's. Thats why communication is so important. And maybe she IS serious by nature, that's ok too

If it was just her mood that day I wouldn’t be worrying, it seemed like she was saying that’s how she is all the time.

I think OP may have an older daughter who was upset about not receiving flowers after narrating during assembly....

But this move was recent so maybe it is how she’s been for the last few days/week or whatever.

She can’t lie to you and say she’s been jolly and playful if she’s been serious and, if that’s how she’s been so far, what’s wrong with the comment?

Not sure why it means there’s a developmental delay or your child’s privacy is being breached mentioning this in front of other parents etc!

Honestly, I think your response is more concerning than what the childcare worker said. I mean, being ‘serious’ and ‘not currently playing with others’ are neutral things, especially, as several pps have said, that most 2 year olds are still parallel playing and not engaging much with other children. My DS had zero interest in anyone else at playgroups at that age. You seem very keen to combat the ‘serious’ label as if it’s a criticism by saying she usually charms waitresses and passersby. I mean, it’s not her job to be smiley all the time, any more than it’s yours! She’s a 2 year old in a new setting with older children.

@Eggplanting I mentioned the charming passersby thing to show I don’t have some blinkered view that she’s normally happy, strangers remark on it too. So this is a difference from her usual behaviour and I’m worried she’s unhappy. Hopefully it is just settling in issues.

The nursery worker obviously thought her not playing with others was important enough to mention which is why I worried. I only have my daughter but she sees lots of children everyday to compare so I thought she’d know more than I do. I’m glad to hear not playing with others at this age is still considered normal.

Well, you said she's only just turned 2 & moved rooms.

you are being OTT about her comment & OTT about her saying it in front of others. Serious/shy/quiet don't require privacy FGS

she 2. Just. Give her a chance to settle in. No matter how advanced you think she is, she's still tiny!!

No wonder there are no nursery workers around. They can't even make a comment about a child without parents talking about complaining.
Children do act differently in different settings especially when they're setting in to a new room. Would you rather the room leader lied to you?

Absolutely this! Bet they're going to regret making this comment.
You are massively overreacting (and I have 2 small children, one in Primary KS1 and 1 still in nursery!). So she's currently the "serious one" so what? She's 2! What on earth does it matter.
Sometimes DD is sassy, sometimes bossy, sometimes sweet and kind and sometimes an absolute pain in the ass! Your child has just moved rooms to a room full of kids double her age, she's probably just quietly working things out. Most 2yr olds "charm the waitresses" and "follow the big kids" , she sounds completely normal. And as for strangers commenting on her and her "happy behaviour" They're being polite.

Sadly, this is about the 3rd time today that I would have liked to have used the 'laughter' emoji to let the witty women that use this forum know we appreciate them, which apparently we are not grown up enough to have any more.