Actually i really am, but, my mother is driving me nuts!!!

[lucyellensmum]

She isn't being a sulky bitch (she can be) She isnt being an interfering old bint(she can be) She isn't ignoring me and not helping - in fact she is being lovely, helping us financially, taking me out to lunch every day (its actually becoming a chore!!) and playing with DD. But she is DOING MY HEAD IN. I just want a day when it is just me and DD. I am so grateful but its getting a bit much - today she wanted to come to speach therapy with me and DD but i had to insist she wait outside (more than one parent is distracting) and instead of going home, she waited for me to walk down the town. Then she came in the second hand shop with me and bought me a lovely pair of new monsoon jeans, insisted on buying DD a little radio for the bath, and paying for my shopping, oh, and bought the dog a bone.

She is a widow and when we lost my dad we hardly saw her, i guess it was her way of dealing with things. Lately though she is around every day, and really its fine, but its just a bit full on. She likes to do things at her convenience so she has to take her dog on a twenty mile walk every day (shes 73) so turns up saying are you ready, like now!! etc Shes lonely, you can't "help" her, she has to feel like she is helping me - she IS!! but i think i need some space

I'm being unreasonable aren't i. And selfish and ungrateful - yep - now i read it back

i think the way you should do this is to say tht some professional doctor (lie!) says that te best thing for you and yourkid is routine. you think this is a FABBBBBBBBBBBulous idea. and wondered whether mum would go sopping with you on tuesays and come to see you on thursdays becuase youillmiss her so much between times.

She sounds like my mother tbh. Does she have (m)any friends of her generation around? Instead of going out to lunch one day, could you do an easy meal ready before she arrives- quiche and salad or something along those lines and have an afternoon in the garden instead of going out? Make it a regular thing and have it to look forward to. why not get her to indulge in family history with you and ask her to take a couple of days away to think of stuff to maybe write down so you can tell your dd in years to come.

rotfl at family history, oooh, now thats funny - my mothers family is a little disperate, she would revel in telling me what a bitch her sister is - i'm not sure i have the patience for that

ooh er. Moving house or getting a job spring to mind. You need something concrete that will make you unavailable. Turning up every day to take you out for lunch is not only stopping her from building her own life, but also preventing you and your dd from having your own lives.

can you not have set days when you see her, perhaps find out about some activities for her to do locally and tell her that you need some time on your own. Bless her she does sound lonely but the trouble is she is becoming dependent on you.

the other option is to emigrate

i envy you lucyellensmum send her to me i need some motherly love.

can she iron??

YANBU!

My mother is exactly the same. Drives me insane, makes my blood boil, and everone thinks I'm unreasonable about it.

You have my deepest sympathies.

i just had a thought do u think lynette and lucyellen that as your children grow up you will look back and be determined not to be like that with your children yet I who would love it will be a exact replica of your mums??

The funny thing is, my mum doesn't help with the things I'd like help with.

she'll come round and do some gardening, but not how I want the gardening done - I didn't want daffodills in the middle of the lawn!

She will iron or fold clothes, but not how I do them, so the down't fit in the children's drawers, and I have to re-fold them.

I end up feeling like a complete controll freak.

She's only been like this in the last 18 months since she was widowed. Before that she never came round, and there were times when I was pregnant with DS2 I was feeling so sick and tired I would pray someone would turn up and take Ds1 away for a few hours.She wasn't bothered with me then. DH and I used to swear we would be so much more hands on with our own grandchildren!

With my DM, it's largely a personality clash, adn It's difficult because I love her so much, but she drives me insane.

So depite all I've said. I will be as hands on as possible with any grandchildren I have, and would be gutted if they lived a long way away. But I'll let my children do their own gardening and ironing!

I don't see my Mum that often - but when she visits she insists on paying for everything - which drives me up the wall. We have been known to have loud arguements in Tescos over a £10 basket of shopping.

DP and I earn a lot more £ than she does, and it makes me feel like a child again. I would like to be able to treat her, but never have the chance. We even avoid going to certain restaurants when shes here because I know that she'll pay. Last time we were out I thought I was being sneaky, said I was off to toilet and went to pay. Turns out she'd paid between main course and dessert.

YANBU- my mil is like this and it can escalate believe me, you have to nip it in the bud, be honest with mom before even the slightest thing like the drone of her mono-tone voice gets on your nerves- this is my personal experience by the way, I'm not saying your mom has a voice that makes you want to hammer nails into your eyeballs like my mil has!!!!!!

I had to tell her that she was pushing me over the edge, I am generally really laid back, even people have commented on how laid back dd is and this is due to me and my dh being really relaxed- this wonderful persona drastcally changed when mil was around!

Short of that lock your door and lie on the floor!- Unless you are stupid like me and actually gave her a key I still ask myself why!!!

janitor and windy, like i said, i really know i am being unreasonable. Its a real double edge sword actually - i quite enjoy her company, when she is in a good mood. She insists on paying all the time, and i cant afford to reciprocate and i am actually worried that she is spending money she doesnt have. Its very awkward.

Today i took my DD to a local wildlife centre, just me and her, she has been a real daddies girl lately and i just wanted her to myself for a few hours. I did feel really guilty not telling my mum, but today is her bingo day, she didnt go because she was putting back the fence in the back garden (shes 73!!!) and chainsawing the fence. It was really nice day actually, so will go with her next week as well. Also, i wonder if she thinks i am a pain in the arse too!!!!

DD a very very tired little girl now and sleeping soundly

Also janitor and windy - i used to complain that my dad was a pain in the arse, especially with DD1, he was ALWAYS coming round, had his own key too - nightmare. What i wouldn't give for him to be a pain in the arse again - he didnt even see DD2 So yes, whilst it does grate, i wont be stopping it because i know how awful it is when its not there anymore.

no you are not being unreasonable.

but....

you are also very lucky and you obviously know it. And you love your mum. And she is 73 and a widow... and what can you do? You're lucky to have each other and mothers and daughters always drive each other mad but we're stuck with each other and you will miss her like crazy when she's gone. so. take a deep breath, and enjoy her company!

hey, and if you need space and she's so anxious to help - couldn't she babysit every now and then so you can get away?

Lucyellensmum im sorry about your dad he sounds a diamond x

Yes windy, he was one in a million

God, you don't know how glad I am I logged on and found this thread. I know exactly what you are talking about, I feel so relieved that I'm not the only one in this situation. I've even changed my name in case my mum is lurking!

ooh sod that, at least my mum thinks a mouse is a small rodent with beady eyes!