No you are not a grief thief.
A grief thief/grabber is one who posts relentlessly and somewhat inappropriately on social media about “there” loss. Pre SM they would have done it publicly. That’s ok if it is your loss but and people do need that loss validated. After experiencing a lot of loss I have realised that grief thieves are not very nice people.
It’s perfectly ok to be sad and cry in private but not really a good idea to seek sympathy from others in public or on SM. It’s embarrassing to watch.
When my DSis was dying last year we held off telling part of our extended family for this reason and when we did we asked that they didn’t post anything on social media. My BIL eventually used FB to inform friends and family, DSis died 8 wks after being diagnosed with stage 4 cancer which came out of the blue. But we wanted to protect BIL from the excessive outpouring of emotion the one part of the family are prone to.
Although we did expect a lot of communications, my uncle was contacting us late at night constantly crying and talking about how it was affecting him. Not once did he ask how we were coping. My other DSis, BIL and I were staying with DSis in the hospice in shifts. We were travelling 200miles+ for a couple of days each week so that BIL could get some rest at home. It was exhausting so didn’t appreciate calls at 1am from my aunt and uncle. I don’t remember them rushing to help my DF when my mum passed away in similar circumstances. Yes she was their niece but it really was over the top.
Tic Tok is full of posts by grief sympathy seekers. At the first hint of a death they rush to post about their aunt’s DIL’s cousins’s elderly cat’s demise. Often in a cryptic fashion to encourage engagement. Then in the next breath try and sell you something.
At 25 you may or may not have experienced the loss of a close family member or of a friend. You get used to it, believe me, and often your slightly less emotional reaction is criticised. But you learn how to react to death appropriately. Life goes on despite your world ending. We recently spent some time with my BIL to help sort stuff out. We had a great time, sharing memories and talking things through. I think people have this idea that you should be sad but in actual fact keeping their memory alive through stories and memories of the good times is really important.
As human beings we have celebrated our dead in lots of different ways. With my sister we go to her favourite local beach and look for Queens (Cowrie) shells. We are together but alone in our thoughts. Of course there is always a competition to find the most shells. It’s very therapeutic.
With my parents we have a special family place that we visit. We spent many happy family picnics there and I always come away from it with a clearer mind.
My DM died 9mnths before Diana , Princess of Wales , died. I found it very difficult to understand people’s over the top reaction, I felt that I was being over critical because of my personal grief, but have spoken to others who had been recently bereaved at the time and they felt the same. I remember that in the days following my DMs death we were able to shut the world out and just spend time together as a family. Visit my DM at the funeral home and prepare for her funeral.
Something that Diana's sons were unable to do. I often wonder how the public clambering to watch them grieve has affected them through life. And whether if they had been left in peace, out of the public eye they may have been able to deal with the events better. I have vivid memories of feeling absolute outrage that they were forced to wander around in public.
I think as a family they handled it far better after the Queens death. The children were kept away from public gaze until the funeral.