Are we being unimaginative with our life options?

[MidlifeWondering]

Maybe having a midlife crisis 😂
DH and I are both in our mid/late 40s with 4 children, we earn good salaries and have decent equity in our house.
Sometimes I think we’re being unimaginative and just living the societal norm rather than thinking of other options.
Examples -

1. We live in the SE and if we sold up we would have over £500k equity. If we lived somewhere cheaper, we could be mortgage free rather than have our current £2k monthly payment. Travel, invest for the future etc
2. DH works from home and I work in healthcare in a role that has vacancies in every trust. We’re very portable and yet stay where we both grew up. Kids would be ok to move and although we have friends and family here, we’re not committed to staying close by.
3. As mentioned, I work in healthcare and earn £55pa. I could earn more than double that if I moved into agency work. I could either work less hours, or we could be better off financially. But I’m always wary due to pension, sick pay etc. DH earns considerably more than me and we’d be ok if I had periods where I couldn’t get a contract (which is unlikely anyway)

Has anyone made any of these changes?

YABU - midlife crisis, stop moaning and accept the status quo
YANBU - you could be more imaginative/daring with your work/location/finances

It does sound like doing something different could be a good option for you! If you made a change and didn't like it, could you go back?

What would your kids think of your idea?

You haven’t said anything about why you want to move. I think you should consider what and where you want to move to, not just from.

Same as pp. What area do you want to move to and why? Also are you looking for totally different lifes/way of life or just moving your same life to a different area.

More information please @MidlifeWondering

Do it, be imaginative 😃 We're only here once, don't waste it 😀👍

It’s not like you’re thinking about running away to join the circus or anything! It sounds like you might have more freedom and financial stability if you moved somewhere cheaper & moved into agency work. And being further away from family can have as many pluses as minuses, depending on the family I question.

Go for it!

We’re paying through the nose to live close to London and we don’t need to, I only go in occasionally to see a show or take kids to NHM. DH hasn’t been to London for years, he’s not a fan. Since Covid, he’s worked from home so no need to be in SE.

We’ve tested the waters and they seemed keen on the theory. They’re all happy enough at school, but not committed to staying where they are.

We’d like to live somewhere that we love. Our current area is extremely practical, 10 min drive to big town, 40 min train journey to London.
We like parts of Yorkshire and Derbyshire, where you’re close to Peak District for instance, but still within an hour of Manchester/Leeds/Sheffield. We like cycling and hiking as a family.
We holiday there a lot and we could swap our house for a similar one and be completely mortgage free.
We could then be £2k a month better off if I stayed in NHS or potentially £4-5K a month better off if I contracted on top of being mortgage free 😮.

I’m in almost the exact same position as you except we have 2 kids and I’m 34. Healthcare job, similar wage, DH earns much more. Still live in the town we grew up in. Jobs that could take us anywhere. But I’m happy here, happy with our life, love my friends and family and having them close by, love watching my parents with my kids. Sure our life could be more exciting else where but the grass isn’t always greener. Are you happy with your life? That’s what’s important.

Thanks for the update. Yorkshire is such a beautiful area. I think you should go for it step outside your comfort zone and try something different. Please keep us updated, how exciting.

I agree with you although I am the opposite. We live in central London and are visiting the attractions or going to the theatre almost every weekend. We enjoy it and almost feel an obligation to do it, to justify the extra cost and other disadvantages of living here.
But I have friends and relatives here who don't have London-centric jobs and spend their free time at home or doing more common activities like sports or kids drama, which can be found in any town. I always wonder why they don't move elsewhere, and I think it's inertia as we grew up here, and it's what they've always known.

Bear in mind your NHS pension is very valuable. I wouldn't give that up lightly.

But it's definitely relocate!

How old are the kids? This can be a big factor in timing so are they about to switch from primary to secondary, about to do any exams? Frankly, I'd say go for it unless any of them are in that awkward period of exams, and also if you don't move soon, will they then end up in that period. Start looking into practicalities like schools and if they do any sports/arts/activities, what those options look like wherever you go - scoping out what a "normal" week would look like in a new area will help you all visualise the move.

I’d move & privately educated my DCs.

You don't have to shake things up just because "you're living the societal norm" - you should have a reason/objective. Working out what you both want out of your lives is the first step to making it happen.
Sounds like you have lots of options in your situation so, if all you need is a nudge, then Just Do It.
DH and I sold up and moved to NZ for 2 years before we had kids. Best thing we did, and totally out of character really, but we've never regretted it. Had a fab 2 years then moved back to be with family and friends.

Restless more than unhappy… we’re just wondering if we’ve actually chosen how we’re living or just kind of sleep walked into it. The mortgage annoys us as it seems unnecessarily high when the same house would be half the price elsewhere.
We don’t have much family round here.

Yes, it’s pretty good. Although I worked part time for 15 years, so it’s taken a hit.
I worked out if I worked full time until I’m 67, my pension would be £24k pa. I wonder if i could replicate that working agency, but investing a chunk of my wages. I’m not sure how to work that out though 😂

I meant more that we were just plodding along, working hard to fund an expensive lifestyle/location.
The main objective is to free up more money to travel more, experience more, less financial squeeze.
We do need to prioritise, we’re a bit frozen with indecision. We’ve been debating this for a few years since DH has been able to work from home.

We actually reached a similar realisation about 9 months ago, and now we are able to relocate! We are only in our 30s and feel too young for this to be it for the rest of our lives. Why thought - why not try something new. And here we are, about to be off!

As kids grow, convenient location is important. If you move somewhere rural, you end up being a taxi service to 4 teenagers. I grew up in a city and I was always able to walk or take a short bus ride to where I needed.

Job security is incredibly important too.

Staying close to family and friends gets more important as you age. It gets tougher and tougher to make new friends when you're older.

No advice but I feel exactly the same! Also SE, similar equity and wondering if we’ve sleep walked into the life we have. I am getting itchy feet and want a lifestyle change!

I would definitely decentre London to improve quality of life. I couldn’t choose to live somewhere colder though so my relocation options would be limited. I always come home with a cold when I go to Yorkshire unless it’s mid summer.. and sometimes even then. I’ve heard York is a great place to live and you’d still have lots of amenities for the kids, but cheaper house.

Put it like this: you’re working hard, feeling restless, questioning your motives, all in order to pay interest on a loan to a bank that’s maximizing profits for its shareholders.

You could continue doing that, OR pay no interest, cycle and hike, earn more money for less work (but pay into a private pension) and experience something new.

Seems like a no-brainer to me.

I think if I were you and the kids would be ok with it I would move. I would love a change but we already live in a great place and my job is not easily done elsewhere (so took a sabbatical instead and went travelling) but we did sell the beautiful big house and downsize to something very boring but functional and are loving the much reduced mortgage

What you've built up to date isn't the big factor here as that would be preserved. It's what you wouldn't build up going forwards. Very rough guesstimate, but you'd likely need to put about £20k a year into a private pension, increasing each year by the rate of inflation, to have a hope of breaking even with what you'd have got in the NHS. And that money will be invested and at the mercy of the stock markets to get a decent return, so not without risk. Whereas the NHS scheme is guaranteed.