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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Handling relationships with my new baby

8 replies

Almostmum2025 · 10/06/2025 15:47

Hi, I am shortly due to give birth to a little girl. For context I am lucky and have a loving and supportive husband. However, the men in my life from a young age have not been great, my own dad barely saw me and whilst we are in some contact it is a very distant relationship and my mum split up with my long term stepdad when I was in my late 20's and my relationship with him has also weakened since then. My mum began a new relationship with a man shortly after the split with my stepdad and they have now been together around 6 years. However, the first few years I barely saw him and met him once or twice as he lived away. He now lives closer but we have never really got to know each other properly apart from on a polite superficial basis. He is not my sort of person but seems on the whole harmless I think! He has children and a grandchild of his own but he has been pushing me and my husband to have children ever since he moved closer which I always felt uncomfortable with and there have been multiple occasions where I have felt uncomfortable with how he words things. He is quite opinionated and abrupt. For example, he has been referring to my pregnancy bump as something he has some heavy investment or ownership over. For example, saying things such as 'look after my bump' when I leave their house from visiting which I hate. I have not brought up anything to date as have felt maybe I am over reacting as I just can't get on board with his personality. However, the closer the due date gets the more I am wondering how I should approach the situation as I obviously want my mum involved in my baby's life and I appreciate by proxy her partner will be involved but the level of involvement and for example being called 'grandad' all makes me feel uncomfortable but I am not sure how to navigate it. I think my overall mistrust of men in my life is adding to this. I have never posted before but I don't know anyone whose parents are not in a relationship with their own dad or a long term partner to talk to in real life and I wonder if anyone here has been in a similar situation or can offer some advice?

OP posts:
SpryCat · 10/06/2025 15:56

Wtf, he has heavy investment in your baby? Look after my bump? He sounds weird and creepy to me and I would not feel comfortable with him making out he has ownership of your baby! You barely no this man @Almostmum2025, he's not the father, he’s your mum’s bf and I wouldn’t allow your mum to look after baby as he is very strange. Can you ask police to do a Claire’s law on him?

SpryCat · 10/06/2025 16:04

I’ve known my DSD for 11 years, she was 16 when I met her, she is pregnant now and I wouldn’t dream of saying anything that sounded remotely possessive. It’s her baby and if I said anything weird like that, it would worry her. She knows I’m excited as is all her family.

pimplebum · 10/06/2025 16:09

SpryCat · 10/06/2025 15:56

Wtf, he has heavy investment in your baby? Look after my bump? He sounds weird and creepy to me and I would not feel comfortable with him making out he has ownership of your baby! You barely no this man @Almostmum2025, he's not the father, he’s your mum’s bf and I wouldn’t allow your mum to look after baby as he is very strange. Can you ask police to do a Claire’s law on him?

i totally disagree he is just trying to be granddaddy , overstepping for you , but I don’t read that as creepy or deserving of being ghosted

outerspacepotato · 10/06/2025 16:11

He's being creepy and possessive and trying to force a close relationship that you guys don't have.

He's your mother's bf and that is it. Put up boundaries. They don't like it, tough. Urging you to have kids when he barely knows you, wtf. When he says things like my bump, tell him he's making you uncomfortable. Don't see him without your husband there.

If you have a good relationship with your mom, tell her her bf is coming off creepy and possessive and it's making you very uncomfortable. This guy is not Granddad.

Ellie1015 · 10/06/2025 16:17

Although he is not a step dad to you, he probably will be in a grandparent role to your child, so it wouldn't bother me for him to consider himself a grandad and child grandchild.

If you arent comfortable with him then dont leave child unsupervised and if you dont like him at any point cut contact but I dont think there is anything to do just now.

Endofyear · 10/06/2025 19:49

I think you should start challenging his statements - it's perfectly fine for you to say 'please don't say that, it makes me uncomfortable. This is my body and my bump is not yours' - be firm and polite. If you're close to your mum, can you have a chat with her about what specifically makes you uncomfortable? It's probably better to get it out in the open now before the baby comes and you're feeling tired and vulnerable. Just tell your mum that you want your child to have a good relationship with them both but you don't know her boyfriend well and you don't see him in a Grandad role - you have a dad and he is the baby's Grandad.

Confusedmermaid1 · 10/06/2025 19:55

I don’t have any advice unfortunately only sympathy because my mum is also in a relationship with a man I don’t like and I dread him acting like ‘grandad’.
I haven’t told mum I’m pregnant yet (early days) but I’m hoping I’ll have the courage to set some ground rules with her about her fiancé's involvement 😅 I don’t think she likes him half the time so I’m hoping she will be on board 😬

thepariscrimefiles · 10/06/2025 20:12

The 'look after my bump' example is seriously creepy. You hardly know him and he is already staking his claim to your baby.

How would your mum react if you told her that he is making you feel uncomfortable? Would she leap to his defence and possibly fall out with you?

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