Drama with my sister over family event

[Isabella777]

I need a bit of a gut check. I'm one of 3 sisters and one of them (I'll call her sister #1) unilaterally scheduled a milestone anniversary party in our hometown for my parents. My nuclear family currently lives abroad and when I expressed surprise that she scheduled it without at least running the date by us she said something like "oh I just assumed you'd come back to visit around then anyway." At that point I didn't even know if the party would conflict with the kids school schedules! She has a habit being a bit passive aggressive and of not telling me things, assuming I'll hear it eventually from my mom or other sister, but for events we've generally consulted eachother first and divided tasks. Anyway, we are traveling back for it and sister #2 and I offered assistance with planning and the understanding has always been that we'd split the cost 3 ways. Sister #1 clearly wanted control over the vendors, etc. which is fine. But she's involved sister #2 in discussions about the guest list, menu, etc. and I've been left out altogether even though I've tried to engage at various times. When I asked her again the other day how much $$ I owe and when she needed it by, she now said she can cover most of it herself because she's been working tons of overtime to save for the party and assumed I couldn't work overtime or get a side hustle myself. Okkaaaay. We all work and I've never said I couldn't pay my share, I just want to be able to plan! And the fact that she needs overtime to pay for it? I know on the surface this may seem like a lovely gesture but like any money it has strings attached, and I'm sure she'd like nothing more for me to have to admit to guests and our parents that I had no part in planning or financially contributing to the party. It's our parents, and if we're going to do this we should all contribute.

AIBU to just feel hurt and annoyed about all this? I admit that as an expat I already feel a bit disconnected from family so maybe I'm just being extra sensitive, but it feels deliberate and I don't understand why.

Does seem odd especially if you have worked together on events previously. If you asked directly if there was an issue do you think she would tell you? Or could you organise a separate dinner with your parents when you are back? Tell them sister did such a fab job of organising the party and you also want to treat them for the anniversary

My siblings did this to me ALL THE TIME.
Then my one sibling died.
Six months later our mum died, and my sister & niece were planning mum’s funeral like I wasn’t even related.
I spoke up and said HELLO, I think I should be involved in planning my own mother’s funeral.
My sister acted shocked that she was reminded that she had a sister.
People are odd.

I'm one of three and the only one living elsewhere. It's definitely competitive. What she's doing isn't nice.

Could you use the money to give a lovely gift instead? Maybe fly your parents out to where you live and spend quality time together.

It sounds like she wants to take the credit for the party. I agree with getting them a nice gift, something you can do with them if possible.

Thanks all- event was a couple weeks ago. Sister #2 and I asked again about our contribution and got the same response….shrug. We brought a nice gift and when my parents visit next year we plan to cover a good part of the costs for traveling around. It was such a weird situation though and I don’t understand it.

I think you’re overreacting here, if you don’t live in the country, things can be a real faff to organise around you - ultimately a sibling who lives abroad can start to dictate dates, plans etc on the basis that they’re travelling far. I don’t blame your sibling for wanting to sort it out themselves

@MissHollysDollyi disagree. Most things like researching venues, contacting vendors etc is done electronically or over the phone. It can be done anywhere in the world.

op I don’t know why she did it. Did she tell everyone that she organised and paid for it all?