Was my mum wrong to do this?

[Burgersitisthen]

Thinking back to when I was younger recently and how differently my Dm and I parent.
I always wanted to travel and live abroad. I remember applying for things like Camp America and nannying in New york etc at around 18 and feeling really excited about it. I didn’t receive anything back and mum told me years later that she used to throw all the replies in the bin so I couldn’t go.
I also remember begging to go on my first girl’s holiday with my 5 close friends at 17 and she said no

No OP, YANBU. This is really controlling behaviour and ultimately changed the course of your life. You’ve every right to be upset.

Yeah she was wrong. I think at 18 you should have been able to go anyway because you were an adult, but at the very least she should have been honest if she felt worried with you going rather than just throwing letters away.

Of course not, but you were clearly too trusting. My mother was terrified of me doing anything new and both parents pressured me strongly to leave school at 15. I insisted in staying on and applied for university scholarships by myself, got a passport, and got myself an au pair job in France the year before. I used a friend’s address so nothing could be intercepted.

I didn’t think I would have to think about not trusting my own mum 😩

What about the girls holiday?

She was wrong, of course. Was it because she was scared or she just didn't want you to become independent?

Your mother behaved appallingly. You were an adult and she had zero right to do that. Absolutely shocking.

That was really wrong of her. On both counts.

I'm sorry she sabotaged you like that. 💐

That is awful behaviour.

It was dreadful of her to have done that. Had you saved up for the holiday and America?

I think the girls holiday, because you were under 18 was maybe reasonable. It would very much depend where and who woth for me I think but the other stuff is outrageous. Nit the actions of a loving parent for sure

Not cool ! She should have openly addressed that she didn’t want you to leave. Watching you apply for jobs and then seeing your heartbreak to not even hear back is really unfair!
same with the girls holiday, okay if
you was 17 just say your too young and can’t go
!

The camp america and nanny thing when you were 18 is outrageous.

Going off on hols with friends at 17 - for me it would depend on the holiday. I wouldn't want my 17 year old going on a drinky girls holiday in magaluf for example so would discourage that. If my dd wanted to go with 5 girls to a friend's cabin in Maine for a weekend then with some discussion with the other parents I'd have been fine.

I mean I suppose it might have depended on where the proposed girls' holiday was as fair enough you were still a minor.

The girl’s holiday was to Turkey

What did you say to your mum when you found out that she had put all the replies to your applications in the bin? Did she say why she did it?

Different things such as that with the nanny ones in New york etc, they’d have me working all hours and treated badly for low pay. It was more about the experience than the pay