I have a complicated relationship with my mother. She is nearly 80 and although she lives very close by, I don't see or speak to her that much. As time has gone on, my tolerance levels of her have diminished and I have very little patience with her. She was widowed 4 years ago and now lives alone in a supported living bungalow. She is independent and in relatively good health. I suspect she is potentially neurodivergent which was masked well when her life was busier and she was surrounded by people. Now she is older, her lack of empathy and social skills are more apparent. I also suspect she has some longstanding mental health problems but this is never a conversation we have had.
One of the issues we have is that everything she does is utterly shit. She will never just do something properly, she will find a bargain basement way to do things which ultimately results in myself and my sibling having to sort out her messes (think crappy internet solicitors, funeral directors, cars, electrical equipment etc etc). She also has hoarder tendencies - whilst not quite on a level of the TV program, they are not far off. Despite moving into a lovely new bungalow following the death of her husband, it is now full of shit and downright dirty. When she moved, it was me who had to clear the last house and then clean it and now the new place is nearly the same.
I do generally just let her get on with it. The way she chooses to live her life impacts hugely on her relationships but she doesn't seem to be aware or that bothered. However, she asked one of my late DC to move into her house for two weeks when on holiday to look after her cat. DC obviously said no which has resulted in me having to go over at least twice a day.
As I said before, the house is disgusting and it smells. Every work surface is covered. The fridge is rammed full of food which will be putrid by the time she gets back (open cream, yoghurt, half a tiramisu). It's just vile.
Would I BU to just chuck a load of shit out whilst she's away (empty the fridge, half eaten packets from the side) and give the place a damn good clean. My sibling thinks I should just leave it as, realistically, what's the point but I think we'll end up having to deal with it all in the end so may as well try and mitigate along the way. What do you think?
YABU - let her live how she wants (despite the fact it's disgusting and she expects you to spend time at her house to sort out the cat)
YANBU - clean the place and pretend it's so she can come back to a nice clean house from holiday and then at least you don't have to smell every time you leave even though you know she'll probably be annoyed