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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Posting here for traffic….advice needed

15 replies

Sugarblade · 09/06/2025 20:54

I’m at my wits end so please bare with me. My son has been attacked by a group of 4 boys from his school, this happened around 5pm at our local park.

He’s got some scrapes and bruises and of course is shaken up. He is refusing to tell me the name of these boys or any further details as he fears the repercussions.

He’s begged me to not inform the school or the police as he said it will make it worse for him and it will happen again.

I’m angry, upset and fearful for my son, he’s asked for the rest of the week off as he doesn’t want any questions about the bruises or the attack. I have agreed to this as he’s scared - rightly so.

I honestly don’t know how to proceed, what do I say to school? what can I do? I have so many questions and thoughts.

please offer some advice

OP posts:

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 09/06/2025 20:56

You know you have to report it. It’s just a question of how you go about it. Ideally you’d get him to agree to it, but you can’t just keep him off school and not explain. How old is he? Are the kids that attacked him the same age?

FloraBotticelli · 09/06/2025 20:57

You need to tell school and police, but with him if possible. Right now just focus on him - comfort him, calm him down. And calm yourself too.

Then I’d have a chat about how he needs to be brave and report it so that this doesn’t happen again and so other people don’t get hurt too.

Jot down all the details you know now so you’ve got it handy for the police and school.

What might motivate him or help him feel safe enough to speak up?

Original poster

Sugarblade · 09/06/2025 21:00

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 09/06/2025 20:56

He’s 13, the boys that attacked him are the same age.

OP posts:

DwarfBeans · 09/06/2025 21:02

I know I’m not going to be helpful but back in our day older brothers and uncles sorted out problems like these.

Original poster

Sugarblade · 09/06/2025 21:05

FloraBotticelli · 09/06/2025 20:57

You need to tell school and police, but with him if possible. Right now just focus on him - comfort him, calm him down. And calm yourself too.

Then I’d have a chat about how he needs to be brave and report it so that this doesn’t happen again and so other people don’t get hurt too.

Jot down all the details you know now so you’ve got it handy for the police and school.

What might motivate him or help him feel safe enough to speak up?

Thank you for your response.

Ive noted down the small amount of information he has given me, I also plan to take photos of the scrapes and bruises.

I'm not sure what would make him feel better about sharing the boys names. He just keeps saying how it will make it worse if he names them and reports it. I’ve tried to reassure him that we will protect him, but he’s says they’ll get him anyway.

OP posts:

Fannyy · 09/06/2025 21:06

DwarfBeans · 09/06/2025 21:02

I know I’m not going to be helpful but back in our day older brothers and uncles sorted out problems like these.

That's shit advice. Behave.

ToasterFuckUP · 09/06/2025 21:07

Perhaps split up the time.

You don’t need to report anything right now but talk him through a plan for tomorrow.

Maybe keep him off school tomorrow to go and make the police report? Call school and tell them he isn’t in because he’s making a report to the police. Try and get a meeting with the school also tomorrow.

Make a plan with the school of how this will be dealt with, how will the school handle the bullies and how can your DS be kept safe.

Then go to school the next day?

No experience in this but that’s probably what I’d do.

I suggest talking to the police before school because I expect the school would try to talk you out making a police report.

Sallycinnamum · 09/06/2025 21:07

OP something similar happened to my DS a few years ago on the school bus.

I immediately went up to the school while my DH took him to the police station to make a statement.

The boys and their parents were given a very stern talking to and put in isolation for a week.

This behaviour is not on. There's mucking about play fighting and full on beating up. You have to report it so they don't do it again to someone else.

ToasterFuckUP · 09/06/2025 21:08

I assume he will share the names of the boys as this takes it course. I think for his sake he needs to see the ‘grown ups’ dealing with it. It is not his responsibility to fix this or deal with it. The adults will. I assume once he sees this he will share the info?

AuntMarch · 09/06/2025 21:12

How awful for your son, and for you. Please do take picture of any injuries tonight, and again as any more bruising shows up over the next day or two.
It definitely does need reporting, even if he won't give names school need to be aware. Maybe they can help reassure him that giving the names is the right thing to do. I do completely understand why he's scared to though 😞

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 09/06/2025 21:15

Okay so they’re old enough to be over the age of legal responsibility, but young enough to still be scared of the police. I think the thing to explain to your son is that adults have a lot more power than kids, and in this situation you need to let the adults take over. Also, if he lets them get away with it once they’ll assume they can do it again without consequences. It’s an awful situation to be in but the only way forward is to make sure they know they can’t get away with it.

Original poster

Sugarblade · 09/06/2025 21:18

Sallycinnamum · 09/06/2025 21:07

OP something similar happened to my DS a few years ago on the school bus.

I immediately went up to the school while my DH took him to the police station to make a statement.

The boys and their parents were given a very stern talking to and put in isolation for a week.

This behaviour is not on. There's mucking about play fighting and full on beating up. You have to report it so they don't do it again to someone else.

Thank you for sharing your experience, I’m sorry your son had that experience.

I’ve gently explained that I need to report in incident, he’s begged me not to, which makes me feel torn. However, I know I must report this to the police - it’s too serious not to.

OP posts:

coachortrain · 09/06/2025 21:27

You need to tell him that if you don't report it it will make it worse because they know they can do it again as there are no repercussions. If there is any further shitty behaviour in school afterward then he reports that and the punishments escalate.

DC's school had a zero policy for any type of bullying whether verbal or physical. Children soon learned step out of line and there are consequences, do it again or escalate and it gets worse for them. Bullying only stops when you shine a light on it and your child's school will have their bullying policy on their website.

The boys are all above the age of criminal responsibility, they have committed assault. I am sorry your son has had this happen. If you can take photos tonight.

FloraBotticelli · 09/06/2025 21:37

I think you need to reassure him that you’re going to keep him safe. Let him know you’ll be on his side even if school isn’t. Let him know if school don’t put measures in to protect him and punish the boys, you’ll keep him at home. It probably won’t come to anything like that at all (unless you’re in a really rough area??) but he needs to know you’ll go to lengths to protect him.

oliviad1986 · 11/06/2025 09:46

How are you and your son doing OP?

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