Ex partner’s new girlfriend wants to buy my 2yo son an expensive birthday gift

[surroundedbyid1ots]

apparently she offered to buy my son a gold bangle because she knows how important he is to my partner and as a kind gesture to me.

they have been dating for 4/5 months.

I find this is overstepping boundaries but my partner thinks I’m being mean and should just accept it as a kind gesture. Why does it bother me so much?

The expense wouldn’t bother me at all. It’s what it is- that’s not a gift a 2 year old would enjoy so who is she actually buying it for and what are the motivations?

A gold bangle?!

Will he be expected to wear this often and not lose it or will it be a gift that's kept until he is older?

I am thinking of the loose type of bangles so correct me if the item is one that fits more snuggly and is less easy to lose...still pretty odd gift for a 2 yr old though

A gold bangle? I'd think ite nice that she wants to buy him a gift but I'd probs suggest a toy or a book. My DDs dad's ex use to buy her gifts and I just thought it was nice of her to make an effort.

A gold bangle for a 2 year old is v odd and strikes me as wanting to throw money at the situation to impress your ex.

Perhaps give your ex a list and just say you would like something from that list specifically as you’re giving other ideas to other family members and don’t want overlap?

Has she already met your child??
If so then that would be my issue, not the gift or the expense.
However her offering to buy it seems a bit like he freeloads off her. If it meant alot to him then he would just buy it himself?! Very strange

Sounds to me as though she doesn't know very much about children otherwise why buy a 2 year old a gold bangle? Buy him something he can play with and get pleasure out of for heaven's sake!

It definitely Sounds as though she is trying to impress your ex rather than do something nice for your son.

I would hope your ex would have the sense to advise her on a suitable present for the child if she really wants to buy a gift.

Sorry I should have clarified it’s a cultural thing to buy gold jewellery for children when they’re born.. usually parents and grandparents/ sometimes aunts and uncles will gift gold chain/ring/bangles.. not necessarily to be worn but to accumulate wealth.

no she hasn’t yet met him but not for want of asking- I have said he’s so small and I’m really reluctant for him to get attached to someone. I think they are moving very fast and considering moving in together soon. He currently stays with his dad 2 nig hes a week. The whole situation makes me sad but I’m trying hard to be fair

I should add I’m uncomfortable with her buying anything for him..

surely just focus on your relationship and leave my son’s gifts to his family (who actually know him?)

@surroundedbyid1ots im from a culture that does this but certainly not expected practice in this scenario. It sounds like she’s doing a sort of love bombing with the offer of the gift so soon, wanting to move in so fast and also do it partly for you. I’m surprised your ex hasn’t pushed back and said it’s too much to soon. I mean, if say after a good while they were still together and she’d built a good relationship with your son and actually knew him and jointly cared along with ex then I imagine feelings could grow and it would then be quite a nice gesture. At this stage it’s odd though. I wouldn’t like it either. As you said, ex needs to stop this interest in your son and just focussed solely on his relationship.

Her buying a gold bangle feels like a sort of fast track to being a family member, and you're right, I wouldn't be happy either. A few months is nothing.

I think my focus here would be on the child.

So, if the gold bangle would be stored to accumulate wealth for adulthood I would probably take a deep breath and accept it because it won’t in any way affect him. If they split up you can offer it back, or sell it to put money in a savings account for him if she doesn’t want it back. In some ways this feels easier to manage than a toy.

I would try your best to push back on her meeting him or moving in. Those are the bits which will affect him the most, so if you can delay those then it’ll be worth it to accept the bangle.

He has said its too much (birthday is end of the month) and asked her not to get it.. but told me today expecting me to sing her praises for being so thoughtful and ended up telling me I’m being a mean girl for not being very impressed and calling her a try hard cow (not my best moment)

I’m probably also still a little in love with him and haven’t gotten over the new relationship so everything irks. It’s good to see that I wasn’t being a total bitch.. I guess we will wait and see how things progress

I’ve left it in his court and said I trust him as a parent to do the right thing for our son and deciding when to meet. He wants to do video calls and I just think it’s all too much too soon. But I can’t get someone to work on the same timeline as me so it’s just torture waiting to see how things pan out