To think that the most important thing young people need to learn isn’t academics but emotional intelligence?

[WiseRoseFatball]

School teaches maths, science and history but one of the most important life skills - understanding your own emotions and navigating interpersonal relationships, is rarely a focus. AIBU to think that emotional intelligence is just as, if not more, important than traditional subjects?

Yes but I don't really see how schools can teach that.

Agreed and it would be great if schools offered classes on this (and other important life lessons) but isn’t that primarily the job of the parents?

I don't know i sometimes think we focus to much on emotions that is has now become a thing

Heaven forbid that parents should teach their children life skills.

I don't think kids are allowed to trusts their instincts much any more. There's very little time for it if everyone is to move along at the same pace. It could certainly be incorporated into some subjects better.

That said. Emotional intelligence as a subject can be conveyed through discussing books, current affairs, life events etc and that can be done at home rather than it being a requirement of the curriculum.

Emotional intelligence isn’t going to build a nuclear power station or cure cancer.
Schools have enough to teach - parents need to do their job too.

Definitely, parents play a huge role, no question. But I think part of the issue is that not all parents can teach this well. Some never learned it themselves or they’re overwhelmed by other pressures. School doesn’t need to replace that role but it can be a leveller, especially for kids who might not get much emotional modelling at home. We expect schools to teach skills like teamwork and resilience anyway; emotional intelligence just deepens that. It’s not either/or, it’s both.

Bit daft to pick off one as "most important". There are many important and useful things to learn.

Emotional intelligence by itself isn't going to get them a job. But neither is maths likely to help their relationships much.

I agree to an extent but unfortunately our ability to process our emotions and how we relate to others primarily comes from our primary care-givers. The best teacher in the world can't compensate for a chaotic home life and a child with very insecure/reactive attachment issues. It's almost impossible to grow up with strong emotional resilience and intelligence if you've been raised in less than ideal circumstances. Teachers could teach how to recognise emotions, what healthy emotional expression looks like, etc, but it would be very difficult for them to model this in a meaningful way to a child who isn't attached to them.

I think it's more important that schools focus on how to use information. We live in a world where we are bombarded by everything all the time. How to critically interpret information is a vital skill and one of the most important skills you can have in modern society. We wouldn't have so many anti-vaxxers, etc, if people actually knew how to find genuine peer reviewed research.

Schools do in the form of pshe.... allthough my DD says most children don't take it seriously and she does bless her. It is more parenting than school imo.

I couldn’t agree more.

I think the more personal development things fall under the parents remit, not the school.

Totally agree OP was just thinking about this today

Yet, the most recent research says that schools universally teaching this are causing problems.

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2025/may/20/mental-health-lessons-school-dont-work-mindfulness?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other

Yes and emotional intelligence/wellbeing is also intertwined with subjects like art, music, languages, literature... which are often seen as "less than" compared to STEM.

Many adults don't have these skills so cannot teach them to their children.

We need to teach critical thinking.

In our post-truth, algorithm-led world, the ability to think rationally and sift arguments is an essential life skill but sadly uncommon.

I agree with this. I watched a Ted talk recently, from over 10 years ago, where the speaker said that school systems are universally designed by university professors to create more university professors. Schools ignore any need to move your body, or that some people will not become university professors. A new way is needed, but I don't think a class called "emotional intelligence" is that way.

I don't think good mental health is achieved by focussing on your emotions and endless introspection. I don't think it can be achieved at school at all. Far better to have good routines and a stable home life - and obviously, that's beyond the remit of a school child who has no choice but to endure the slipstream of their parent's decisions.

YABU
My DS is training to be a Civil Engineer. Academics is way more important than EI. I’ve taught him EI myself, but I couldn’t have taught him the complex mathematical calculations he needs for his course.
The same with doctors, lawyers, software engineers etc, etc.

@UniversalTruth @ThePhantomoftheEcobubbleOpera Absolutely, I agree that a class solely dedicated to emotional intelligence and/or lots of focus on self/introspection would not really be beneficial.

Needs to be cultivated over time with guidance from adults who are self aware and self reflective. Ensuring that children have opportunities to see the "bigger picture" by helping/serving others can be really helpful too.

But many parents can't teach emotional intelligence to their children because they don't possess it or even have an awareness of it. Plenty of doctors, lawyers and software engineers out there who lack emotional intelligence/maturity, despite having lots of professional skills and responsibilities.

In my experience it is often a constant, literally every day, focus in some schools. I don't think it's a coincidence that those kids were the most neurotic. Schools just need to teach stuff and stop dwelling on who's feeling "fizzy" or whatever today or who needs a mindfulness break after doing a few fractions. Honestly it's pathetic. We're raising the wettest generation in history.

@eleventythree
yes, but I’d rather they have the knowledge they need to do their job properly, than good EI. I can cope with a doctor who is a bit blunt, who is otherwise very professional

Fair point. But it's hard to be in any kind of close relationship with someone who lacks emotional maturity though. This is where real problems tend to arise, unfortunately.

I think I only have so much to say about this because I just finished listening to the audiobook, 'Adult children of emotionally immature parents' 😂