Am I being unreasonable ?

[BlueGoose1]

A bit of advice please

I have been with my partner now for 9 years, in all that time her daughter has been to ours once and that was only because she was at a house party nearby so my partner who works full time has to go see both of them or she won’t get to see them or her grandchildren, I mentioned it to both her kids (mid thirties and late twenties) about making more of an effort to visit her which didn’t go down well and I ended up getting in to an argument with her ex husband, I have stage 4 cancer and he said it was her choice to move 5 miles away and he’s not having his 2 kids getting 2 buses to see her while I’m letting her take me for chemo (yes letting her take me), she even had a conversation with her dad about where her mum will live when I’m dead.
Its the only thing we really argue about, she works full time but it’s work then daughters Tuesday, work then mums Wednesday and her sons over the weekend, I tell her while she keeps doing it they’ll keep letting her, a while back she had to stay in hospital for a couple of days and none of her family visited her, her daughter was on a work night out and said she might be to hung over to come

I'm sorry about your illness, but I'm not sure I understand the issue. At the start of your post, I thought the daughters were young children, but they're well into adulthood and have their own children? Why doesn't your partner bring it up with them herself? If she isn't happy to be the one who goes to see them, then I don't see an issue. And I don't see why their father was involved in the dispute?

'I mentioned it to both her kids (mid thirties and late twenties) about making more of an effort to visit her which didn’t go down well '

Of course it didn't - did you realise it wouldn't?

It's her business how she manages her relationships with her family, the only bit you have any say on is when it affects you.

Who is it who cares that she visits her DC rather than them coming to her? Is it you or is it your DP?

If they only live 5 miles away and her DC have young children, it makes more sense for her to visit them because they’ll have all the stuff for the kids and the kids’ routine will stay the same etc.

My mum lives down the road from me but I’ve been to her house twice this year (she has been to mine 100+ times) because I have a 5 and 1 year old and all their stuff and toys are here so wouldn’t make sense for me to lug them and all their things to her house just so I was the one visiting her for a change.

Don’t rock the boat and potentially cause friction for her and her DC

I don't understand why you got involved or how the ex husband got caught up in it either.

It's up to your partner to bring up any issues she has with her adult children, it's really not your place.

It seems that your partner's kids don't really care about her very much. But they're adults in their 20s and 30s - it is up to them how much of an effort they make. It's also bloody weird that your partner's ex-husband is getting involved, given the ages of the kids.

This is between your partner and her children. It's nothing to do with either you or their father, because they're now grown adults with kids of their own.