Worried about telling work about early miscarriage

[TwinklyGoldReader]

Had several positive tests at the end of last week, obviously excited and hopeful. Saturday morning I had a negative test so feared a chemical, by the afternoon it was very clear by the bleeding this was the case.

I work in a school and only started in September so I’m really worried about taking time off. The physical symptoms are quite bad, enough to warrant some sick leave I feel. I’m also feeling overly emotional and work is naturally stressful, so I’m worried I’ll end up crying at work.

It’s always very awkward taking any time off though, and taking any days is going to make me feel behind. So I’m worried I’ll just stress myself out more! I also don’t want them to know I’m TTC but I’m sure they’ll guess!

I’ve got ready to go in today and haven’t mentioned anything. WIBU to go in today, to make the effort, and email and explain everything this evening? For context, I work Mon-Wed so would take tomorrow & Wed as sick leave. I’ve had one previous sick day before Christmas where I was sent home by management.

Your other choice if you really don't want them to know you're ttc is to be off with something else - stomach cramps, vomitting. I had a GP offer to sign me off with "gynae issues" rather than stating miscarriage. I would not recommend going in (and therefore appearing fit to work) and then going off after. Just be off now. Your recovery might also be quicker. (Physical recovery - I know the rest is much harder).
im really sorry you're experiencing this.

You can self sign off for three days. You don’t need to say it is a miscarriage if you don’t want to. This is a situation it is ok to gloss over the truth (gynaecological problems) or just lie (gastrointestinal issues).

I’m sorry about your miscarriage- it can be emotional as you had hopes. Take the three days that you need.

So sorry OP. It’s not unreasonable for you to want to take some sick leave to process this. It would probably be better for you to phone in sick today and take the week off rather then trying to go in today and then go off sick.

where I work it's 7 days you can self certify for.

My GP signed me off but didn’t mention the miscarriage. You could have a few days off and say it was a sickness bug?

Thank you so much for your reply @Thatsrhesummeroverthen - I haven’t actually seen a GP about it, I wasn’t sure whether to as there’s nothing they can do 😕

I’ve left it too late to phone in sick today, we have to call at 7am, wish I’d been more organised now but I wasn’t thinking clearly last night!

I’m sorry you’re going through this - I’m currently having my second chemical after 14 months TTC and I’m gutted.
i get what working in schools is like - personally I’d give another reason, like nasty stomach bug or something. I haven’t told my workplace and don’t intend to. Luckily I mostly WFH so will probably mope about this week and be less productive, but schools aren’t like that. I’d call in for the three days and give yourself some time if that’s what you feel you need x

It’s only 15mins! If you had a genuine stomach bug that just started up you might not have known earlier!

Go in today and see how you are, you can always come home mid way through the day. I’d probably just say i’m feeling a bit off to be honest, though at my place of work any pregnancy related sickness is exempt from triggers, so not sure if yours is similar? Hope you manage to get through the day ok.

I’m pretty sure it’s an exemption at my work too, which is why I was tempted to be honest. In all four schools I’ve worked in though, staff are treated poorly when it’s suspected they’re TTC though- moved to a horrific year group, extra responsibilities etc, schools just can’t afford maternity leave I suppose

That's really shit. My school were lovely to me through one miscarriage and two babies. The one I worked at before wouldn't have been though.

Can you go in and see how you feel, then if it's too much go home or you have a sick bug the next few days?

Teachers are terrible at taking time off but the kids will be fine and you need to look after yourself in the long term. So sorry for your loss.

Well.. I managed to muddle through today! My lovely team leader spotted something was wrong and told me not to come in the rest of the week. My wonderful 🙄 boss however, thinks I might feel ok the morning!

See how you feel tomorrow