Older perverted colleague at work

[Bethditto1]

He's around 15 years older, we were not in the same team but we were in the same office, I've since moved to a different office in the same company.

We got chatting as part of some sort of team wellbeing thing, he's popular in the office and I'd have friendly conversations, always being clear that I have a partner, I got on with him as a colleague and friend but then I felt he started to cross the line.

He suggested us doing something outside of work like playing tennis together, I said why dont we arrange a big group outing for the team.

He then started saying stuff like I was really slim and had really nice teeth. I started to distance myself, never replied to his last message on teams and im now in a different office in the company.

We've got mutual friends in the office I was in, I occasionally go back in there to talk to my former team at lunch etc. And I've seen him in there once or twice, I've said a friendly hi how's it going but left it at that.

I had him on social media, he occasionally sent me daft memes but nothing weird.
Anyway out of the blue he's sent me one yesterday with something like 'boobs are amazing for many things, and they prove i can multitask', and then he's sent a comment on top of it saying, this is very true. 🤮

I didn't reply, just put a 🤔 emoji and then ignored it. Thinking it's time to block him. When I go to the other office now, I should probably ignore him. It was ok just saying hi and so on but sending me that boobs thing was disgusting.
Does it sound like he's been out of line?
I feel embarrassed, I never once flirted, I talked to him about general hobbies, travel etc. But I always mentioned my boyfriend.

Also it's nothing that's happened in work so probably not much that can be done.

Sounds as though he is a bit of a creepy sod. Keeping your distance is probably the best idea all in.

Yeah, he's in his 50s, should know better!
I think he's fortunately not married as I'd feel sorry for any wife he had!

Sorry you’re having to deal with this. Yes defo keep your distance. Make a note of it in case you decide to share with employer at a later date.

Screenshot it and forward it to HR alongside screenshots of anything dodgy on Teams and a more professional account of what you've written in your opening post. If he's doing it to you, it's guaranteed he will also be doing it to others.

Honestly, I'd screenshot it and send it to your manager in an email to say that you don't want to make a formal complaint at this point, but you just want it on record that this guy's behaviour is making you feel uncomfortable. He has definitely crossed a line.

I think the thinking emoji was a mistake because that’s not clearly discouraging it and someone who would send that message in the first place will read absolutely anything as encouraging. Is he senior to you? As in, could he make things difficult for you at work? You shouldn’t have to, but in an ideal world you’d get off his radar without it being a big deal. Maybe just remove home from your social media and avoid him at work. Keep all evidence in case you need it for HR, but being honest I’d tread carefully. You shouldn’t have to, I’m just very cynical about these things.

edit - that was @MugsyBalonz I was agreeing with, several intervening posts by the time I'd posted it🙄
I agree with this - since October last year employers have a legal responsibility to protect employees from sexual harassment.
It may be that he is sending texts etc. out of work hours, but his connection to you is through work.
You feel uneasy about it - his next target could well be more vulnerable.
Your employer needs to let him know that his behaviour is not acceptable.

New protections from sexual harassment come into force - GOV.UK

Yeah, maybe it was a mistake, it was mean
t to be a 'wtf are you sending me that for that's gross' emoji, and then i ignored his comment, but he could've taken it the wrong way.
He isn't senior to me no, I have zero to do with him work wise now luckily.

Would HR do anything about memes if it's
our of work?

I'm sorry you're dealing with this; I swear some blokes are incapable of staying professional. I don't know how big your company is OP - I work for a large corporate and according to their policies this would fall under harassment - even outside work. Log everything and then create some distance from this man. Remove him from all communication channels except critical work ones. If you go to HR this will trigger an investigation. If they are a good team they will handle this sensibly and protect you - you know your company best. Again, we have a non-retaliation policy but not everyone does so you need to consider this.

I worked with a creep who was a boob fancier.

He would talk to your breasts and hardly lift his eyes to make eye contact. He made lots of my female colleagues uncomfortable.

I totally shut down on him. Kept my distance and if I had to professionally interact I kept it strictly business.

I had no problem doing this, I ignored him if I passed him in corridors, at the printer or in meetings.

Screenshot and save it case needed later.

Delete him from all social media and block.

After ignoring him, he's just sent me a joke about camel toe?? What the actual hell?? Screenshotted it and time to block now!

😬 time for HR...

He's an utter creep.

You did reply though.

Just block him now because men like him take any crumb of attention as some sort of 'compliment' 🙄

That’s the text book definition of sexual harassment. Please report it to HR so he doesn’t do it to anyone else. No need to feel embarrassed, they’ll know exactly how to handle it.

Reply ´That’s hardly office appropriate Bob. Stop sending me this stuff, it’s not professional’.

And yeah, absolutely follow up with HR, particularly if you think he’ll get all defensive or hold it against you at all.

Screenshot everything he's sent you so far. Then reply back 'Eww Bob, please don't send messages like this, it's inappropriate', and screenshot it. You then have documented proof that you asked him to stop. I would then block him on SM. Thankfully, you are no longer working in his office, so you shouldn't need to see him. If you do, unless you absolutely have to talk to him on a professional level, I would completely disengage from him. Keep all the screenshots in case you decide to go to HR or if he finds another way of contacting you.

Thanks for the replies, I've drafted a message to HR. Not sure if i feel brave enough to msg him calling him out, but I've just blocked now.

A simple message along the lines of ‘those memes are really inappropriate, stop messaging me’

Be clear and firm. Don’t swear or call him a creep etc etc as this gives him chance to play victim - even if just in his own head.

And do report to HR

As with previous posters, although you could report to HR now it may be better to send him a message in clear English to ask him to stop bothering you. Something like 'we are colleagues, nothing more. Do not send me personal messages'. In work if he suggests anything else like you two meeting up, say 'That's not appropriate' or 'you are making me uncomfortable, please keep our relationship businesslike'. Do not be afraid to 'be rude' he's not bothered that he might be upsetting you.

If he crosses a line after that, you have him bang to rights. At present he has the defence that you seemed friendly and he just made a mistake, your responding with an emoji is not clear evidence that you are bothered by him and may not allow HR to act on it..

“Stop sending me inappropriate messages, it’s extremely unprofessional”. If he continues, HR.

I had a colleague like this he eventually started saying he was going to leave his wife and they weren't getting on ect..

I never flirted and shrugged off his perverted comments honestly I just don't get how men make things up in their head seems you only have to be friendly and they take it the wrong way.
I eventually left but I can only imagine how it would've ended up.
They are still together funnily enough so I truly think he thought he was going to move onto me.

Do exactly what you would do if he wasn’t “older”. Block and ignore. But keep screenshots.