To not really enjoy life and feel like I'm just biding my time?

[notenjoyingthisx]

I'm in my early 30s and I feel like I've had enough of it all already. It's felt like a long three decades... I don't want children so I have nothing really motivating me to strive forwards. I'm degree educated with a decent career but I'm unlikely to ever be able to afford to rent or buy alone. I will likely never find a partner as I don't want to do online dating. Everything I plan I end up dreading and regretting committing to and not actually enjoying, even holidays I'll wake up and wish I could postpone it. Even going to the supermarket leaves me with a headache and feeling depleted. I arrange social things but dread them and feel so nervous in the lead up to them that any enjoyment I get out of them doesn't feel worth it.

It just doesn't feel enjoyable? I feel like the only time I enjoy life is the evenings, when I can just lie in bed and doom scroll on social media and distract myself.

It sounds like you’re going through a tough-time and I’m sorry you’re going through this. But my guess is that it’s time limited.

TBH I think this is a difficult age for a lot of people. It’s not uncommon to have quarter-life crisis at this stage when your life might not look the way you expected when you were growing up. And that’s true for a lot of people given how fast society has changed in a lot of respects.

You might benefit from talking to someone about your feelings. Or even start more simply by deliberately seeking out more joy in your life. Maybe simple things like a pretty book, a walk, some exercise on YouTube or something along those lines might go a long way.

Have you ever had therapy?
It might be a good idea.

Hmm, you sound a bit depressed. Why do you dread social events? And if you have a decent career, why will you never be able to buy or rent alone?

I am long-term single and quite a bit older than you... it's absolutely possible to be single and happy, but IME you need to put quite a lot of energy into friends and/or interests.

@notenjoyingthisx noticed this thread is a few weeks old now, how are you feeling now op? Im older than you, late 40s and have felt this way all my adult life. infact I'd say from around the age of 15. I have had 2 dc who I love very much but tbh the stress and responsibility of parenthood has added massively to my anxiety.
I too have always dreaded social occasions, would rather not go on holiday as I get incredibly anxious in the lead up to it and am always sorry i booked it. I just do not enjoy anything in life and never really have.
I've always described life for me as an endurance test and one day il reach the end and it'll be all over thank god.
I think for me it stems from always being an incredibly anxious person right from early childhood. ive had meds etc but nothing seems to help, its just my nature and the way I was born to be unfortunately.
Luckily my dc dont seem to show the same anxious traits as me and can see they're very different to me, one thing I am happy about.

I feel exactly like this. Finding joy in the little things and in my spiritual faith helps. I'm not money or relationship orientated either and I have hardly any family left. I have chronic ill health and im an introvert so I prefer a simple life in solitude.

Have you ever thought of traveling.

@whatacroc Still feeling very much the same way! I really relate to what you said; I've also always been really anxious and nothing has helped. I've gotten into a bad habit of using comfort eating and shopping to try and distract myself from it.