Am I a crap meal planner ??

[Waveafterwaves]

Lighthearted !

I work full time , DH works away and comes home one night in the week. I am stuck in such a rut with meals !! I feel like such a lazy / bad Mum sometimes.

My eldest is autistic - so very bland , dry . My other son is at his dad’s 2 of the nights . The others he’s here. He will eat anything so does have better food. I seem to come in , do the chores and the kids dinners and then I’m shattered . I’m also doing a calorie deficit so I tend to stick to low cal ready meals . DH gets home late on the one night he’s home and I’m usually in bed or just going and he doesn’t like reheating food so this is what our week looks like as an eg

Monday- bbq chicken skewers with potato wedges and salad for the kids ( eldest has carrots as it’s the only veg he will eat) , me - Tesco 275cal carbonara

Tuesday - pizza for eldest ( he is in a routine of pizza once per week, make sure it’s a thin crust - I know this is so basic ) , me Tesco 275cal curry . DH has a ready meal carbonara ( for 2 ) or a curry ( a Sainsburys meal for 2 thing one not a little tiny one that comes with rice )

Wednesday - I make a spag bol , for my youngest. Sometimes I’ll have this too if not - you guessed it a Tesco meal ! Eldest - sausages , cubed potatoes and carrots - no gravy , this is as close to a roast I can get him to eat ( sometimes the youngest will have those too but he will have it with mash , veg, gravy etc )

Thursday - eldest will have chicken wings or drumsticks with potato wedges. Me- do I even need to say.

Friday - Takeaway night due to clubs - the kids will have a maccies or something whilst out , I have a salad from M&S in my car whilst they’re in their club ! DH gets home around 9pm so grabs himself a Chinese.

Saturday and Sunday we do tend to go out for food , a pub meal , or I’ll cook more proper food like a lasagne or a roast. Eldest sticks to his dry foods , or might have some burgers . I do try to not cook with a lot of oil , air fry things etc so it’s a bit healthier for him. Thankfully he does have a proper meal at college - I can see what he has and he will have things like curry , pasta bake , roast etc but as it has always been he won’t eat these things at home.

Wow. You all have so many different meals?

Like why are you making Bolognese for one child and sausage, carrots and potato for another on the same day?

Why can't you just portion your meals out if theirs and have the same? Ready meals every day must be depressing (and expensive?)

It's a bit weird that your husband doesn't like reheated food.... But happily reheats a ready meal...

You’re showing your children a very disordered way of eating by only consuming light calorie controlled ready meals rather than eating with the family.

Ready meals are bad in every way - nutritionally, value for money, everything. If you’re in a diet, why don’t you eat home made food instead of ultra processed crap? You can make variations of one meal for all 4 of you. I would NOT cook 4 meals in a day, nor would I eat a ready meal except as an occasional guilty pleasure.

I am exhausted just reading this.
Is there anything that you can cook that everyone will eat? I like cooking, but really that is a LOT of faff.

I’d say kids eat better than you ! How about batch cooking / cook one day a week and freeze ? Curries work well

This is strange and both labour intensive and low in nutrients for you I suspect. Why not do some batch cooking and at least have home made 'ready meals'. Then the cooking for your fussier child can be done fairly quickly hopefully.

Snap

It’s really hard when you have different food needs within your family.

My youngest has ARFID so he has pretty much the same rotation of 3 meals. My DH is vegetarian but my eldest claims he doesn’t like vegetarian food. I sometimes end up cooking 3 different dinners every night, it does get exhausting and expensive. I wish I could cook one thing every night and have done with it!

I’ve also been in a calorie deficit and losing weight, but if you don’t learn how to do this with “real” food then it won’t be sustainable longer term. Just eat what they eat but have a smaller portion and weigh out your pasta/rice etc.

Regarding the ready meals - I am happy with this . I don’t have ready meals when I’m not working ( I only work term time ) it’s just easier for me - I am the type of person that can’t do anything after I’ve eaten , so I like everything to be done first. I wouldn’t be ready to eat when the children are.

Sometimes I will cook something for the nights my youngest is here and eat the same but 2 nights he isn’t , so I would only be cooking for me .

No , sadly !

DH is only here one night in the week. He will eat anything but it’s only that 1 night he’s here .

This is always my plan , the weekends are just so full I never seem to get around to it and i get overwhelmed trying to find recipes etc . I already spend the Sunday afternoon meal prepping lunches too .

Oh , tell me about it!

What does he say when you point out he's actually reheating meals?

Why don’t you just eat what the kids eat even if it’s later. You can reheat it. Maybe try using ChatGPT for meal planning and working out the calories,

But you’re rehearing food later anyway.
It’s very weird to make a bolognaise and then eat a microwave carbonara meal instead. I just can’t understand why you would do that.

How about fish baked in foil, stir-fries, omelettes? It's easy to roast a tray of vegetables and build a meal around it.

https://www.gousto.co.uk/

https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/collection/easy-dinner-recipes

The odd pot noodle is fine right?! YANBU—in fact, you sound like you’re running a one-woman catering service with themed nights and tailored menus! Honestly, this isn’t lazy parenting—it’s advanced logistics. You’ve got overlapping dietary needs, different appetites, club schedules, calorie goals, and one husband who appears once a week like a mysterious guest star who won’t reheat food.

Your eldest is eating what works for him, your youngest is fed and flexible, you’re sticking to your plan, and nobody’s going hungry. That’s a win. Could it be more Nigella? Maybe. But it’s already five-star effort in the real world. Be kind to yourself—you’re not stuck in a rut, you’re keeping the whole show running on minimal time and microwave energy.

What @GintyM says

You are practically a lone parent and caring for someone with additional needs. Just make sure you are getting enough for yourself nutritionally (easier said than done!)

Ridiculous and seems to be hugely expensive. Surely you could eat the same as one of the children plus more veg possibly. I can't imagine cooking/ordering three or four different meals every night, surely there are some common denominators meal + veg -gravy etc. How did you get to this position?

Kids food don’t seem so bad considering, it’s yours that’s lacking any nutrition, you must be feeling low on energy eating ready meals all the time

Wouldn’t change kids’ food but would swap yours to whatever kids are eating + big pile of veg - pasta/rice.

My eldest dc is like yours (autistic with a very restricted dry diet), my other dc eats pretty much anything, luckily I don’t have a dh to worry about but I know how tricky it can be trying to please everyone. My eldest has just returned from uni, whilst she was gone me and dc2 have eaten the same meals most days, it’s saved me money and has been pretty easy to meal plan. Now dc1 is home all has gone crazy and more expensive. We don’t eat processed frozen food or ready meals when dc1 isn’t here, now they are home I have to stock my freezer with fish fingers and pizza as that about all they will eat.

It’s hard to make healthy meals to suit everyone and to fit around sensory issues.

It’s not as simple as dishing up one meal and making them all eat it or go hungry.

Cook a curry
easy , tasty and can freeze